(no subject)
well it turns out this valentine's day isn't going to be any different from any other year after all. watching sleepless in seattle, check. being alone, check. going through a box of tissues, check. however, that last one is because i have the flu. which really really sucks, and now i have to miss a day of school. this really hasn't been a good weekend...
i dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart. with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons as to carry on. into these twisted months i plunge without a light to follow but i swear that i would follow anything if it would just get me out of here. and so you get six months to adapt and then you get two more to leave town. in the event that you do adapt we still might not want you around. and i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose but i know that that is impossible now. and so i drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories because i just can't think anymore about him tonight. i give myself three days to feel better or else i swear i am driving off a fucking cliff. because if i can't make myself feel better then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit. and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this dead and eternal snow. because i swear that i am dying, slowly, but its happening. so if there is a perfect spring that's waiting somewhere just take me there and lie to me and say it's going to be alright. it's going to be alright, yeah you worry too much kid, it's going to be alright.
hmph, well my life's not that bad, but i want winter to end like conor said. it's so dreary and depressing and the snow is so decieving, it makes you think it's pure and light but really it falls heavy like a burden on your heart. yeah so no one reads this thing so i actually think i'm going to start writing in it more, it feels good.