Dig for Fire.
You dig and dig and dig for the answers, because you know well enough that there are parts missing, yet no one is speaking up. Finally, one day, someone opens their mouth.
She sits upright in her chair during the drive and askes me how I am. How am I holding up? I smile and say I'm fine. She asks if Mom is still the same... She knows. She knows what its like to live in this house. Or what it was like, at least. She told me she spoke to Amy about it. All Amy could say was "Melanie gets it the worst..." I didn't think she, or anyone for that matter, noticed.
We talk for a while. We talk about dad. The only hope I had.
But the fuse is detinated and the bomb is dropped. The secrets are spilled.
My hero becomes shattered. Everything I've ever known turned out to be a web of lies to cover the sick truth.
When the people who are supposed to love you the most can't, how are you supposed to believe anyone else can?
When everyone around you is sick in the head and fucked up, how are you supposed to ever trust again?
When people lie to your face, how are you ever supposed to have hope and believe?
I grew up way too fast, and I'm dreading all the things that took away my innocence. I'm angry and I'm confused. But most of all, I'm sick to my stomach that people are even CAPABLE of doing the things they do.
I know I'm such a good person, despite the things I had to go through. No one has it easy, and I'm not about to sit around crying, feeling sorry for myself and asking "why me? why me?" I'm not looking to play princess in distress, because I know I DON'T have a knight to come to my rescue. Nor would I want to. "We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves."
I'm strong, and I am going to make it. I've made it this far, and I will continue to always climb. I know I deserved to be loved, no matter what people have told me and shown me my entire life. I know I'm better than them, and I know I'm better than all this. But I think the reason I was never loved is because love does not exist.
Yet I will not give up and shut out. I will not grow cold.
I will not settle for the sake of being lonely, in any form, whether it is relationship, friendship, or family.
I will not let myself be a victim to any more bullshit.
Its not fair. I'm a sensitive soul, and I have so much to offer. I would give you the world if you asked for it. But I deserve that kind of reciprocation too, and I won't let anyone convince me otherwise.
I'm not mean, and I'm not cruel. I'm not like them, and I never will be.
I have no support system. I have no one to look out for me except me.
And I will not let anyone tear me down.
She sits upright in her chair during the drive and askes me how I am. How am I holding up? I smile and say I'm fine. She asks if Mom is still the same... She knows. She knows what its like to live in this house. Or what it was like, at least. She told me she spoke to Amy about it. All Amy could say was "Melanie gets it the worst..." I didn't think she, or anyone for that matter, noticed.
We talk for a while. We talk about dad. The only hope I had.
But the fuse is detinated and the bomb is dropped. The secrets are spilled.
My hero becomes shattered. Everything I've ever known turned out to be a web of lies to cover the sick truth.
When the people who are supposed to love you the most can't, how are you supposed to believe anyone else can?
When everyone around you is sick in the head and fucked up, how are you supposed to ever trust again?
When people lie to your face, how are you ever supposed to have hope and believe?
I grew up way too fast, and I'm dreading all the things that took away my innocence. I'm angry and I'm confused. But most of all, I'm sick to my stomach that people are even CAPABLE of doing the things they do.
I know I'm such a good person, despite the things I had to go through. No one has it easy, and I'm not about to sit around crying, feeling sorry for myself and asking "why me? why me?" I'm not looking to play princess in distress, because I know I DON'T have a knight to come to my rescue. Nor would I want to. "We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves."
I'm strong, and I am going to make it. I've made it this far, and I will continue to always climb. I know I deserved to be loved, no matter what people have told me and shown me my entire life. I know I'm better than them, and I know I'm better than all this. But I think the reason I was never loved is because love does not exist.
Yet I will not give up and shut out. I will not grow cold.
I will not settle for the sake of being lonely, in any form, whether it is relationship, friendship, or family.
I will not let myself be a victim to any more bullshit.
Its not fair. I'm a sensitive soul, and I have so much to offer. I would give you the world if you asked for it. But I deserve that kind of reciprocation too, and I won't let anyone convince me otherwise.
I'm not mean, and I'm not cruel. I'm not like them, and I never will be.
I have no support system. I have no one to look out for me except me.
And I will not let anyone tear me down.