Loveless
Ive decided to when I get a good idea or a well thought out sentence or something that will inspire me...to record it on a tape recorder. Also I am going to record conversations I wish to include in my short stories.
Ahd today I had 870 calories. Thats aggravating even though I followed my plan. I threw up 220 of those calories from a muffin. I shouldnt have done it I guess but what are you going to do. Anyways there is so much in my head I cant place so instead I lie about all day doing nothing and boring myself completely.
I watch sitcoms all day with the occasional johnny depp movie in the middle to speed things up.
I had a dream that I got drunk and couldnt remember really anything and people were telling me I was raped and stuff. I was so embarassed. But only because other people saw my body. When I woke up I was surprised I hadnt been raped and kind of dissapointed I think because I sometimes feel I deserve that fate. I woke up today to my phone ringing. Smokey had called me. He said he'd call me back later. But he just wanted to go since I'm not in PA he has no interest in me. Fuck him I'll be there soon but if i get better coke from somebody else that fucking motherfucker is gonna pay. Lately my cravings for cocaine have been almost unbearable but I am trying my hardest just to hold out until I save enough money. But god...cocaine..is just so fucking amazing you cant even imagine. I just ...god I just fucking love it.
I decided against tricking people into thinking I am happy. I shouldnt have to hide how I feel. I mean my unhappiness is a part of me and if they dont see that they are missing a big part of who I am.
Whenever I want to kill my body something bad happens to it. I think my boobs got bigger again. Please tell me this isnt happening.
Ahd today I had 870 calories. Thats aggravating even though I followed my plan. I threw up 220 of those calories from a muffin. I shouldnt have done it I guess but what are you going to do. Anyways there is so much in my head I cant place so instead I lie about all day doing nothing and boring myself completely.
I watch sitcoms all day with the occasional johnny depp movie in the middle to speed things up.
I had a dream that I got drunk and couldnt remember really anything and people were telling me I was raped and stuff. I was so embarassed. But only because other people saw my body. When I woke up I was surprised I hadnt been raped and kind of dissapointed I think because I sometimes feel I deserve that fate. I woke up today to my phone ringing. Smokey had called me. He said he'd call me back later. But he just wanted to go since I'm not in PA he has no interest in me. Fuck him I'll be there soon but if i get better coke from somebody else that fucking motherfucker is gonna pay. Lately my cravings for cocaine have been almost unbearable but I am trying my hardest just to hold out until I save enough money. But god...cocaine..is just so fucking amazing you cant even imagine. I just ...god I just fucking love it.
I decided against tricking people into thinking I am happy. I shouldnt have to hide how I feel. I mean my unhappiness is a part of me and if they dont see that they are missing a big part of who I am.
Whenever I want to kill my body something bad happens to it. I think my boobs got bigger again. Please tell me this isnt happening.