(no subject)
he looked her straight in the eyes and sighed. ‘I’ve lost track of myself.’
‘what do you mean?’
‘I mean I’ve lost track of myself.’ he didn’t look ready to add to it, so she let it slide for the moment.
‘how is it?’
‘it’s fine.’ he looked down at his pasta, barely eaten in front of him and getting cold. her plate was almost empty. ‘I’m not that hungry I guess.’
‘well, why did you order something that big if you weren’t hungry?’ she was smiling, trying to provoke him like always.
‘because I fucking felt like it. fuck. it’s not like you’re fucking paying for this.’ he felt wrong as soon as he said it but he let the words lie there on the table between them for a moment, collecting silently in the crevasses of the bread, in the folds of the napkins, burning up a bit in the small flickering candle and smelling awful as they drifted up. ‘I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to…’
‘no, I shouldn’t be trying to get a rise out of you right now. I’m sorry.’ she looked at his face until he finally looked up from his fingernails and held his eyes until he broke them again. ‘it was a lot of food.’
‘what do you mean?’
‘I mean I’ve lost track of myself.’ he didn’t look ready to add to it, so she let it slide for the moment.
‘how is it?’
‘it’s fine.’ he looked down at his pasta, barely eaten in front of him and getting cold. her plate was almost empty. ‘I’m not that hungry I guess.’
‘well, why did you order something that big if you weren’t hungry?’ she was smiling, trying to provoke him like always.
‘because I fucking felt like it. fuck. it’s not like you’re fucking paying for this.’ he felt wrong as soon as he said it but he let the words lie there on the table between them for a moment, collecting silently in the crevasses of the bread, in the folds of the napkins, burning up a bit in the small flickering candle and smelling awful as they drifted up. ‘I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to…’
‘no, I shouldn’t be trying to get a rise out of you right now. I’m sorry.’ she looked at his face until he finally looked up from his fingernails and held his eyes until he broke them again. ‘it was a lot of food.’