(no subject)
frustrated about my life again. seems very directionless. a week on fun in nyc only delays these feelings a tad bit...gotta find a job a good job that pays me a lot of money so i can save and go visit my sister in ireland and pay my rent. making a lot of money with no degree and not much experience in fields other than retail and food means that i have to work ALOT. and the trade off for that means thati cant spend time with myself, my friends, my lovers, my goals...pretty much things that i love. so i become miserable and unfulfilled. and it also means i dont have time to go to school. i constantly rack up bills for school if i would go, banking on the hope that i'd get a good job once i graduate so i can pay off those loans and i can be happy. cann be happy. why the fuck should i bank off that? i want to be happy. i should be happy. and this system seems neverending and so frustrating. and no damn hippie drum circle or traveling to the most amazing places could make me feel revolutionary. sometimes i dont know how noble it is not to be in school.
when i was in nyc tim and i bounced the idea around about me moving up there. i could possibly live with my aunt and uncle. i'd have my own apartment, i could easily get a job at least temporarily at my uncle's insurance company..or at least find a radical fucking job in the mecca of success..nyc. idealist.org has so many fucking rad opportunities centered around the enviroment and youth programs and etc..i have to go to community college to bring up my gpa. my college gpa is a fucking 2.0!! lame. maybe living with my family would center me and help me focus on school. i've become self sufficent and stronger in the fact that i've grown more mature. i quit smoking weed and cigarettes. i'm trying to be more responsible and have better connections with my friends. i fucking shut myself off from everyone for so long. being absorbed in my codependent relationship with my partner.
i'd just feel like i was abandoning my house and my room mates and my band, and my friends...
if i would find a good job here, maybe fight for my independency status and be looked at as in-state..and blah blah..okay i should look for a job.
julie and mikey b and alex just got here and i stopped crying.
when i was in nyc tim and i bounced the idea around about me moving up there. i could possibly live with my aunt and uncle. i'd have my own apartment, i could easily get a job at least temporarily at my uncle's insurance company..or at least find a radical fucking job in the mecca of success..nyc. idealist.org has so many fucking rad opportunities centered around the enviroment and youth programs and etc..i have to go to community college to bring up my gpa. my college gpa is a fucking 2.0!! lame. maybe living with my family would center me and help me focus on school. i've become self sufficent and stronger in the fact that i've grown more mature. i quit smoking weed and cigarettes. i'm trying to be more responsible and have better connections with my friends. i fucking shut myself off from everyone for so long. being absorbed in my codependent relationship with my partner.
i'd just feel like i was abandoning my house and my room mates and my band, and my friends...
if i would find a good job here, maybe fight for my independency status and be looked at as in-state..and blah blah..okay i should look for a job.
julie and mikey b and alex just got here and i stopped crying.