(no subject)
Today, or rather, yesterday, had not been a good day.
Yeah, so I bought a valedictory dress. So what.
Stress, lack of time and reality has all been beating us over the head it the last couple of days.
Come morning, it will be the last Friday I'll ever experience as a high school student. The last time I will feel relieve as that last bell rings and literally feel the weekend rush to meet us at the locker bay.
12 years. For what? A series of exams that will crush most of our dreams? A future that we've all been dreaming of? Another 12 years of useless work?
In any case, it doesn't matter now.
Never before had an end to a stage of my life been so real. I have never felt this... nostaligia and excitment at the same time. For the last few months, I've been waiting to be released into the world, only to realise that in a large way, I already am. Graduating is just a matter of formality anyway.
Also... In the last few months, I've realised that the shield that I use to carry around me hasn't been shattered by what has changed in my life. All I've done is just put it aside. It was there for me to pick it back up all along.
Maybe it's the fact that I've had three hours of sleep every night for the last week, maybe it's the heat, maybe it's me listening to sappy Chinese songs all night long, maybe it's just me being corny... I think I will miss this terribly. I mean... As cliched and stupid as it sounds, MacRob changed me. I don't want to imagine what I'd be like if I had stayed in Doncaster. I would probably be more cynical, never had gained faith in humanity, never have found where my passion really lies, never developed my views and never have had opened up at all.
To all the people that I've met because of MacRob, thank you.
Seriously. I have never met that many ridiculously wonderful people as you lot under one roof.
There are those that I only say hi in the hallway sometimes, there are those that have just stopped me to say thanks for doing sound, there are those that had just worn something cool and I have commented, there are those that knows me as the crazy Harry Potter fangirl, the geekiest of the geeks, the one that knows all the random stuff about "gay people", the one that talks loudly and in a high voice, the mic girl, the one friends with so and so and so on, there are the guys that only ever sees me during s.crew, those that have worked with me, known me in their class, listened to my random and sometimes irrelevant rants in class, those that I've chatted to and been friends; then there are those of you have who've been exposed to the rawest form of myself that I've been able to reveal.
I don't know what I'm like in your eyes but to every single one of you, you've made me appreciate life a lot more.
I could name all of you but I don't want to give myself the trap of missing out on someone and having them chase after me and asking why I didn't include them. Know that if you know me and you are reading this, you are included in this.
Teenagers are generally insecured and moody but at the end of the day, if we all know that we can have moods and be stupid and accept that we say things, or not say things, and have hurt people on the way; as long as we know that there are mistakes made but in theend, we still have a possiblity to work things out, that's enough. It doesn't matter whether a person can or cannot forget or forgive, just... accept. There are too many things that happen in our lives that are baggages already, we don't need more.
We all go through live hoping that we will acheive some greatness in this world and no doubt many of us would but... the most important thing is that we have lived and not worry that we won't be "great" enough. What the "world" is can vary; it may be the planet, it may be a continent, it may be a city, it can even just be one person. As long as we've mattered, as long as we've made our mark somewhere, that's enough. The future isn't scary. It's just another step that we have to take before we die. And know that we will inevitably leave our footsteps behind.
I don't even know what I want to say in this entry... It's just that a lot of people around me have been emotional tonight and I just wanted to let things out, just wanted to contribute before it's too late, again.
It's been a while that I've did something like this. In any form. Maybe I should have done it earlier, maybe I should have sorted out myself far earlier, not wait until year 12 when everything just got so compressed that it imploded. I don't know. Things can't go back now. I could have been talking about my mental/emotional state that has been unstable and shaky since October in 2004, I could be talking about my studies, I could be talking about anything, really.
It's now eight to one and it's still hot as an oven in my room. I think I'll go take a shower and try to sleep now.
If this entry had been incoherent, I blame it on my lack of sleep. Or something. If you extracted meaning out of this, well done and I hope you take it away with you. If you hadn't, then I know you're just procrastinating from studying on LJ. More power to ya.
Finally... "My Name Is Earl" rocks. I've missed watching good random, kinda brainless yet damn entertaining American comedy.
Talk about procrastinating...
Yeah, so I bought a valedictory dress. So what.
Stress, lack of time and reality has all been beating us over the head it the last couple of days.
Come morning, it will be the last Friday I'll ever experience as a high school student. The last time I will feel relieve as that last bell rings and literally feel the weekend rush to meet us at the locker bay.
12 years. For what? A series of exams that will crush most of our dreams? A future that we've all been dreaming of? Another 12 years of useless work?
In any case, it doesn't matter now.
Never before had an end to a stage of my life been so real. I have never felt this... nostaligia and excitment at the same time. For the last few months, I've been waiting to be released into the world, only to realise that in a large way, I already am. Graduating is just a matter of formality anyway.
Also... In the last few months, I've realised that the shield that I use to carry around me hasn't been shattered by what has changed in my life. All I've done is just put it aside. It was there for me to pick it back up all along.
Maybe it's the fact that I've had three hours of sleep every night for the last week, maybe it's the heat, maybe it's me listening to sappy Chinese songs all night long, maybe it's just me being corny... I think I will miss this terribly. I mean... As cliched and stupid as it sounds, MacRob changed me. I don't want to imagine what I'd be like if I had stayed in Doncaster. I would probably be more cynical, never had gained faith in humanity, never have found where my passion really lies, never developed my views and never have had opened up at all.
To all the people that I've met because of MacRob, thank you.
Seriously. I have never met that many ridiculously wonderful people as you lot under one roof.
There are those that I only say hi in the hallway sometimes, there are those that have just stopped me to say thanks for doing sound, there are those that had just worn something cool and I have commented, there are those that knows me as the crazy Harry Potter fangirl, the geekiest of the geeks, the one that knows all the random stuff about "gay people", the one that talks loudly and in a high voice, the mic girl, the one friends with so and so and so on, there are the guys that only ever sees me during s.crew, those that have worked with me, known me in their class, listened to my random and sometimes irrelevant rants in class, those that I've chatted to and been friends; then there are those of you have who've been exposed to the rawest form of myself that I've been able to reveal.
I don't know what I'm like in your eyes but to every single one of you, you've made me appreciate life a lot more.
I could name all of you but I don't want to give myself the trap of missing out on someone and having them chase after me and asking why I didn't include them. Know that if you know me and you are reading this, you are included in this.
Teenagers are generally insecured and moody but at the end of the day, if we all know that we can have moods and be stupid and accept that we say things, or not say things, and have hurt people on the way; as long as we know that there are mistakes made but in theend, we still have a possiblity to work things out, that's enough. It doesn't matter whether a person can or cannot forget or forgive, just... accept. There are too many things that happen in our lives that are baggages already, we don't need more.
We all go through live hoping that we will acheive some greatness in this world and no doubt many of us would but... the most important thing is that we have lived and not worry that we won't be "great" enough. What the "world" is can vary; it may be the planet, it may be a continent, it may be a city, it can even just be one person. As long as we've mattered, as long as we've made our mark somewhere, that's enough. The future isn't scary. It's just another step that we have to take before we die. And know that we will inevitably leave our footsteps behind.
I don't even know what I want to say in this entry... It's just that a lot of people around me have been emotional tonight and I just wanted to let things out, just wanted to contribute before it's too late, again.
It's been a while that I've did something like this. In any form. Maybe I should have done it earlier, maybe I should have sorted out myself far earlier, not wait until year 12 when everything just got so compressed that it imploded. I don't know. Things can't go back now. I could have been talking about my mental/emotional state that has been unstable and shaky since October in 2004, I could be talking about my studies, I could be talking about anything, really.
It's now eight to one and it's still hot as an oven in my room. I think I'll go take a shower and try to sleep now.
If this entry had been incoherent, I blame it on my lack of sleep. Or something. If you extracted meaning out of this, well done and I hope you take it away with you. If you hadn't, then I know you're just procrastinating from studying on LJ. More power to ya.
Finally... "My Name Is Earl" rocks. I've missed watching good random, kinda brainless yet damn entertaining American comedy.
Talk about procrastinating...