omg
this is prob the funniest shit ive ever read...dont think im not posting this on myspace right now
Student was searching for divine inspiration.
Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge
and came across God. Student asked God how to
live life as a college kid should. And God said
unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you
shall be all a college kid is. And Student
thanked God and it was good. And Student spread
the Ten Commandments of
College to all.
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift
of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half
your day napping. You shall nap in class,
in your room and in your friend's room. And God
said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to
stay up all night drinking. And Student said,
Nap I shall, and it was good.
II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of
the time. And student
said why. And God said unto him, you shall share
drinks, stay up too
late, drink too much and make out with people you
don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick
all year round. But God said,
blessed are the sick for they have partied the
hardest. And it was good.
III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone
that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall
write witty away messages. God said to student,
you shall never just say you are in the shower,
you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower.
You shall never say you are at class, you shall
say you are sleeping...in class.
God said, if you do not write witty away messages,
I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they
will get many girls to be their friends but never
hook up with them. And it was good.
IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look
like a college kid. And God said unto student,
you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful
garment. And you shall never wash it either.
Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it
be and God said, you shall own one with your
school's logo on it and you shall own many others
of varying colors and creeds. And Student was
pleased and God was pleased.
V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God
told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria
and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be
good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for
your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall
put laxatives in their food and you shall feel
their pain. And Student began to weep, and God
said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for
all your fellow students will be experiencing
the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked
God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.
VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any
alternative to the cafeteria,
and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of
EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need
milk or a stove. And student
said microwaves were forbidden by the RA.
And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave
under your bed with a towel on top. And Student
asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him
to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.
VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student,
you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go
home with random people every weekend and forget
about them the next day. You shall see them at
class and be awkward amongst their company. You
shall exchange saliva at bars and parties
and it will be good. And Student became gleeful
and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows
where she has been, but Student does not.
VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God
reminded him that he should be napping. But
Student said he wanted to do other things. So God
said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning
of the semester, but then never go to meetings.
And Student asked why he should not go to meetings,
and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And
Student understood His wisdom.
IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day
when you shall wake up in the bed of another and
not know where you are. You will not remember
what you did last night and you shall be
confused. You will see that you have nipple rings
and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And
Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you
shall tell great stories about it to your friends
someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.
And God gave Student the final Commandment
X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment
and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted,
so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However,
God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will
wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a
lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely.
But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass
even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt
better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will
soon be bitch tits. And it was good.
This is the word of God, follow the Ten
Commandments of College or you will be smite!
Student was searching for divine inspiration.
Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge
and came across God. Student asked God how to
live life as a college kid should. And God said
unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you
shall be all a college kid is. And Student
thanked God and it was good. And Student spread
the Ten Commandments of
College to all.
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift
of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half
your day napping. You shall nap in class,
in your room and in your friend's room. And God
said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to
stay up all night drinking. And Student said,
Nap I shall, and it was good.
II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of
the time. And student
said why. And God said unto him, you shall share
drinks, stay up too
late, drink too much and make out with people you
don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick
all year round. But God said,
blessed are the sick for they have partied the
hardest. And it was good.
III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone
that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall
write witty away messages. God said to student,
you shall never just say you are in the shower,
you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower.
You shall never say you are at class, you shall
say you are sleeping...in class.
God said, if you do not write witty away messages,
I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they
will get many girls to be their friends but never
hook up with them. And it was good.
IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look
like a college kid. And God said unto student,
you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful
garment. And you shall never wash it either.
Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it
be and God said, you shall own one with your
school's logo on it and you shall own many others
of varying colors and creeds. And Student was
pleased and God was pleased.
V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God
told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria
and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be
good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for
your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall
put laxatives in their food and you shall feel
their pain. And Student began to weep, and God
said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for
all your fellow students will be experiencing
the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked
God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.
VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any
alternative to the cafeteria,
and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of
EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need
milk or a stove. And student
said microwaves were forbidden by the RA.
And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave
under your bed with a towel on top. And Student
asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him
to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.
VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student,
you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go
home with random people every weekend and forget
about them the next day. You shall see them at
class and be awkward amongst their company. You
shall exchange saliva at bars and parties
and it will be good. And Student became gleeful
and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows
where she has been, but Student does not.
VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God
reminded him that he should be napping. But
Student said he wanted to do other things. So God
said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning
of the semester, but then never go to meetings.
And Student asked why he should not go to meetings,
and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And
Student understood His wisdom.
IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day
when you shall wake up in the bed of another and
not know where you are. You will not remember
what you did last night and you shall be
confused. You will see that you have nipple rings
and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And
Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you
shall tell great stories about it to your friends
someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.
And God gave Student the final Commandment
X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment
and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted,
so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However,
God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will
wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a
lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely.
But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass
even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt
better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will
soon be bitch tits. And it was good.
This is the word of God, follow the Ten
Commandments of College or you will be smite!