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Mar 31, 2006 15:46

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anonymous April 1 2006, 00:50:51 UTC
Have you tried to go back and read your past journals? There are so many times you wrote about how happy you were, and you also have good sense of humor when bad things happened (like when your car broke down). I think you are a happy person inside but you are also very shy..shy to show your TRUE happiness maybe even with D. I don't know..I only know you through your journal, I'm not judging you, just observation. I'm so sorry for what happened.
Have you tried to practice Mindfulness and meditation?
http://www.plumvillage.org/MindfulnessTrainings/14MT.htm

Thich Nhat Hanh is my favorite monk ever. I think at this moment, both you and D haven't been very mindfull and haven't stay in the present. He is caught up with the bad memory in the past. And you are caught up with hope for the future. I'm so sorry if I trouble you, you probably don't need stranger to tell you this. But I truely believe that you are a good and a happy person, and that your happiness is possible. Don't wait for things to get better to be happy, look around you..breath in the air of new spring, go to class and enjoy it. Aware of your breathing and present moment. You are alive!!!
All the Best,(sorry for my poor English)
Anonymous Japanese Girl

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noteverygirl April 1 2006, 02:35:39 UTC
i dont undervalue your opinions as a stranger, at all. all opinions are valuable.

i think that my journal has represented me in every way that i am. i write when i am happy, i write when i am sad, i write about my struggle with these problems, i write about my accomplishments. though i admit my side is only one side of the relationship, i think that here i display the entirety of myself. i think that there is enough information here for one to make an accurate picture of me, a more accurate picture than i respresent to people in the real world, possibly, because it is easier to be honest when you are just writing to yourself as you think, all that you think (though people read it), and not demonstrating yourself. i dont know, maybe i wish everyone i knew read my journal. maybe it could give them some insight. maybe a greater understanding.

not many who read this have met or know D, and cannot know what he is going through, so no one can really know everything about it only knowing one sides perceptions. so i bet thats frustrating for anyone trying to give advice, not being able to see the whole picuture. but i really am thankful for yours and everyone's views.

i was actually thinking about beginning a meditation program today!! i appreciate your offering of that website and suggestion. im definately looking into that.

you are no trouble. and youre so right that i have so many things to be happy for and focus on instead of mulling on a fact i cannot change. i am becoming more and more aware of these things, as i learn to understand and accept the way things have to be, and i know that good will come of it, but i know there is good now, and i intend to do my best in appreciating it.

i always love your comments!

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