a Deathly Hallows review with much capslock

[notemily]

First of all, that movie is WAY too dark. That's not a metaphor--I felt like I could barely discern what was going on. I saw it on an UltraScreen, which I don't usually do, so maybe that's why? I dunno, I just kept wanting to turn the brightness knob up. Having a dark, gray tone for your movie is fine, but make it so people can still actually SEE what's happening.


THINGS I LOVED

• The Three Brothers scene! That animation was great. It was a bit weird since we've never seen anything like that in any of the movies so far, but it had a great fairy-tale feel to it. I loved the little details like the white blood-spatter and the second brother hanging himself (YAY STYLIZED GORE), and the way the invisibility cloak had the same sparkly effect as Harry's always has.
  
• The TWINS. OMG. They are so perfect. Phelps brothers, you will always be Fred & George in my heart. ♥
  
• How close this was to the book. No randomly added scenes (except the dancing scene which I will rant about below), and a lot of lines taken verbatim from the text. "Wow! We're identical!" and "Are you mental?" and "Always the tone of surprise" and a bunch of others I'm forgetting. At first I thought the idea of two movies was unnecessary and just a way for them to make more money, but now I really appreciate it because they can actually put the entire plot onscreen instead of half of the movie being [THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CUT FOR TIME].
  
• SNAPE. I was riveted every moment Alan Rickman was on screen. I cannot WAIT for Snape in the next movie. Also, is it just me or was his hair looking particularly good? Maybe it's just because I've been reading the books a lot lately and expected it to be greasier.
  
• Ron. Ron Ron Ron Ron. He still gets to be the awesome comic relief but he ALSO has ACTUAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and I loved it so much. The WHOLE THEATER clapped when he returned. (I may or may not have been the first one to clap. *cough*) He was also hott and I want to make out with him. And his brothers. I'm easy for a Weasley. (groan)
  
• Speaking of which, Mrs. Cattermole making out with Ron was hilarious.
  
• Luna is always, always perfect. Love.
  
• The scene with the Death Eaters searching the Hogwarts Express--because NEVILLE! Also, I like that we got a glimpse into the other students' lives, if only for a moment. The movies can be omniscient in a way the books can't.
  
• GIANT FIRE SHOOTING UP FROM JAR. Oh Harry. Hee.
  
• Harry zipping up Ginny's dress. YOU SHOULD BE UNZIPPING THAT DRESS BOW CHICKA BOW WOW It was a good way to show the sexual tension between them that's present in the book, even if I don't think Dan and Bonnie actually have much chemistry together. I like Bonnie Wright, but Book Ginny > Movie Ginny.
  
• Ron's splinching, because it was HORRIFYING in exactly the way that it should have been. Very well done.
  
• Hedwig goes out fighting. Go Hedwig!
  
• Dobby T___T I love his little speech about being a FREE ELF.
  
• The Trio's acting has come SO FAR, u guise. They said so much with just facial expressions, like Harry's delighted little smile when he remembers his first Quidditch match. Or Hermione and Ron when Ron comes back. Every scene with Ron really. THEY ARE ALL SO GREAT IS WHAT I AM SAYING
  
• The fight between Harry and Ron was perfect. I thought Ron's "Your parents are dead!" line really worked. I know a lot of people were up in arms about it, but I thought it had great emotional impact.
  
• Hermione's Handbag of Holding! I love the visual of her reaching her entire arm in.
  
• The fact that we get to see Hermione Obliviate her parents. It was very "Dawn isn't real! Dawn is the Key!" with the photos and all. Although now her parents have a few framed photos of empty furniture for no reason.
  
• One moment I really appreciated that was the same as the book: when Ron goes to stab the Locket, for a split second Harry thinks he's going to stab him (Harry) instead. That was perfectly, beautifully done.
  
• "Harry is the best hope we have." That whole scene with Lupin and Kingsley angrily verifying identities was amazing.
  
• THEY KEPT HERMIONE AND RON ALMOST HOLDING HANDS. Perfect!
  
• MUNDUNGUS. Gold chains LOL
  
• Harry and Umbridge, with the "mustn't tell lies" part.
  

THINGS I MOST DEFINITELY DID NOT LOVE

• HARRY/HERMIONE WTF. I knew the dancing scene was going to be there because I did not avoid all spoilers for this movie, and as soon as he took off the necklace I was like NOOOO, NOOOO, NOOOO. It was fine when he was just trying to cheer her up, but at the end when they were just leaning on each other, I was like NOOOO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. Even that could have been redeemed if they had just KEPT IN THAT LINE OF HARRY'S when he tells Ron that Hermione is like a sister to him. BUT NO, THEY MADE IT ALL AMBIGUOUS AND SHIT. WTF WTF WTF
  
• So Harry Potter is JUST MEETING BILL WEASLEY NOW? I mean, I get why they did that BUT STILL. I did like how he looked (hott) and his scars (hott) and the actor they got to play him (hott). But when Harry was like "I don't care whose wedding it is!" I was like "Really?? Ron wouldn't have TOLD HIM that his BROTHER WAS GETTING MARRIED??" Even in movie-continuity I think Ron still would have mentioned something like that.
  
• USE A GODDAMN STEADICAM
  

THINGS WHICH MEH

• I kind of wish they had kept in the line about Lucius "no longer requiring" a wand, but the way Voldemort just snapped the handle off got the point across just as well.
  
• Harry never even went under the invisibility cloak at all, which I guess is fine because we want to see him, but it'd be nice to have a reminder that he has the cloak since it becomes important later.
  
• They cut out the backstory with Dumbledore and his family. They didn't find the Dumbledores' grave in Godric's Hollow, and the enmity between Dumbledore and Aberforth was never really explored, either. That's one of my favorite parts of the book. ALSO, MOAR FLASHBACK GRINDELWALD PLZ.
  
• Chase scene with flying motorcycle? Vehicles turning over and shit? That must have cost a lot. They could have spent that money hiring a screenwriter who doesn't ship Harry/Hermione. Grumble grumble.
  
• Not enough Tonks/Lupin, but I'm thinking we'll see more of their story later, especially since they hinted at their storyline briefly at the beginning.
  
• Wish they had kept in the flashback from Voldemort's point of view of him killing Harry's parents. I WANT MOAR FLASHBACKS ALWAYS.
  
• The black cloud of Voldemort's soul exploding out from the locket Horcrux was a neat effect, but it was a little weird that Harry and Hermione were naked. Harry is already naked in at least two other scenes in this movie plus one in the next movie! We don't need moar naked Harry!
  
• No "Hedwig's Theme" in the movie where HEDWIG DIES? Oh well. That's the price you pay for Alexandre Desplat I guess.
  
• I would have liked to see the "Here Lies Dobby, A Free Elf" epitaph at the end.
  
• Y NO LUNA LOVEGOOD "FRIENDS" MURAL?
  
• The Ministry propaganda was very Nazi-esque. "Muggles in their rightful place" wasn't as grotesque as it's described in the book, but the statue got its point across.
  
• "Mudblood" carved into Hermione's arm was a good touch.
  
• Bill Nighy makes a great Scrimgeour. I mean, we knew he would. I kind of wish we had seen more of the Trio standing up to him during the will-reading scene though. Harry is so badass about it in the book.
  
• We also didn't get to see Harry's TRANSFORMATION INTO COMPLETE AND TOTAL BADASS that happens while he's digging Dobby's grave and afterwards when he interviews Griphook and Ollivander. I thought that would have been a good note to go out on--Harry finally finding direction and focus--but I guess they wanted to end on the more foreboding note of VOLDEMORT HAZ ELDER WAND OH NOEZ.
  
• No Dudley shaking Harry's hand or Petunia almost saying something! Those are both great character moments and the second one is even relevant later.
  
• Also no graffiti'd memorial sign at the Potters' house, or even anything to explain why a ruined house was still sitting there 16 years later.
  
• No Kreacher's Tale. CAN YOU TELL I WISH THEY HAD KEPT IN EVERY SCENE FROM THE BOOK
  
• The three actors from the Ministry scene must have had so much fun playing Harry, Ron, and Hermione in different bodies. How cool would it be to get a random part in the movie and then it turns out you're playing Harry Potter? Heh.
  
• Grindelwald sold out Dumbledore? What.
  
• I liked that they never said the Elder Wand was "undefeatable" in the movie (or at least I don't remember it)--just that it was a very powerful wand. That concept caused a lot of confusion about how the wand works in the book.
  

SO OBVIOUSLY I LOVED WAY MORE THINGS THAN I HATED. If I could change only one thing, I would add the "she's like my sister" line and call it a day. Seriously Kloves.



[Image description: Me and my roommate, Kate, in the lobby of a movie theater. Kate is wearing Ravenclaw robes and I am wearing a dark red shirt (bought at evietees on etsy) that says "Moony & Wormtail & Padfoot & Prongs" in gold. I am holding a large tub of popcorn.]