Tommorow is no garenty
This life is only but a dream or as it seems most of the time a nightmare. Why you ask? well when I close my eye's I feel nothing around me but air, and I hear only but the beating of my heart, my thoughts race through my mind like a record player a broken record player...they replay over and over again. I find it hard to sleep at night at a sudden case of insomnia? I often feel like crying and everytime my thoughts get the best of me I do.
I find it hard to think cleary anymore, for my mind is full of unpleasant thoughts of the worst of times in my short life. For no matter how many times I try to clear my mind of these unpleasant memories, they still some how find there way back in my head and my heart become's heavy and I cry...
For I know some where inside of me the little girl who use to lay out in the grass dreaming is still there, I only dream thats who I am a dreamer, When I was young I dreamed for someone to take me away...but to where did I want to go?...oh thats right home.
I dream of life and in that life I have changed the hearts of many, that is my goal to atleast change one person's heart no matter how long it takes, for I am like Anne Frank I believe there is good in everyone, even the coldest hearted person has atleast a piece of good in there heart...
There must be some reason for me to be here...there must I want so hard to believe that...so hard it breaks my heart to know I may never be able to see this girl that everyone else see's for my mirror tell's me lies all I see is that distorted image, it hurts to know I may never be able to see the "truth" .
tragic...
For we are all people and we; as I have heard have a purpose in this world... some find that hard to believe even I have a hard time finding the truth in this, even though I try to find the good in everyone. How is this true? how is someone who takes the innocents of a little girl away meant to be on this planet? meant to breath the same air as someone who has given money to the poor. Even the person who gives to the needy isn't always better than he who hurts a child.
What are these thoughts that go through my mind? for one simple incident that happens to me can trouble my heart for the longest of time. I am different than you, and you different than I. No one can understand my heart but some have come pretty close to understanding me, for as they are simlar to I.
Do I bore you? if you can talk about me to others why can you not say it to my face? If you were anyone at all you would try to understand even when I don't let you. If you really cared you would not disregard me so... sense...that made none. I am not the greatist person ever this I know I am not perfect, I am far far from it. I am only human as you are, I make mistakes to.
I only write what I feel and at the moment im trying to clear my head for tonights rest, But I know I shall find myself in early morning writing in my beloved journal...my life line. My journal is the link to my soul my heart my mind. My true feelings are in there this shall be my memory.
For my last goodbye is not forever When I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful slumber, sometimes I wish I would just stay there and sleep forever, but then is that what I really want? I don't know... for if I fell asleep tonight there is no garenty for tommorow for if I were to sleep forever starting tonight...would you morn the lost? would you cry? or would it just be a relief? I know I cause worrying if I were not to be here I would not cause that worry I would only cause pain? but I don't know and I would never know because I would be gone.
I wasn't promised today who know's if I would be given another tommorow
*Sigh* thoughts...just simple thoughts
And again I have the thought of a child a innocent life I must mold into a person. Would I be good at this job or fail as a parent? for more and more I want to think I would be perfect, but no one is perfect if you start out thinking that you are more likey to feel terrible when you make a mistake, because we all know NO parent is perfect, No not one. the more I think of this the more it is tossed in my face for just yesterday when I went into a store it was every where a magazine annoucing pregnacy's and this may sound odd but a how to. Things trying to teach on how to be a parent.
Then in my same line this little girl was sitting on the floor crying as her mother stood and watched, I felt quite sorry for this little girl because she was crying. I didn't have a clue why she was so sad, he mother started yelling at her saying Get up! stop your crying everyone is staring...the little girl replyed something through her bitter tears, She was upset because she couldn't have a single piece of candy because her mom had said it cost to much... that made me feel even worst where I wanted to buy a piece of candy for her. Her mom finally gave in and said " Just pick one! but stop crying" and what amazed me was that the little girl said that No she couldn't because you said no it cost to much...
I wonder what will happen to that little girl later on in life what sort of person will she turn into who will she become.
Ah well I am quite tired but I can not sleep yet another all nighter I suppose...maybe I shall sleep...I must turn off the record in my mind...for I am quite drained but I must make it through another day.
"Tommorow I must make it through tommorow"
♥ LaLa
I find it hard to think cleary anymore, for my mind is full of unpleasant thoughts of the worst of times in my short life. For no matter how many times I try to clear my mind of these unpleasant memories, they still some how find there way back in my head and my heart become's heavy and I cry...
For I know some where inside of me the little girl who use to lay out in the grass dreaming is still there, I only dream thats who I am a dreamer, When I was young I dreamed for someone to take me away...but to where did I want to go?...oh thats right home.
I dream of life and in that life I have changed the hearts of many, that is my goal to atleast change one person's heart no matter how long it takes, for I am like Anne Frank I believe there is good in everyone, even the coldest hearted person has atleast a piece of good in there heart...
There must be some reason for me to be here...there must I want so hard to believe that...so hard it breaks my heart to know I may never be able to see this girl that everyone else see's for my mirror tell's me lies all I see is that distorted image, it hurts to know I may never be able to see the "truth" .
tragic...
For we are all people and we; as I have heard have a purpose in this world... some find that hard to believe even I have a hard time finding the truth in this, even though I try to find the good in everyone. How is this true? how is someone who takes the innocents of a little girl away meant to be on this planet? meant to breath the same air as someone who has given money to the poor. Even the person who gives to the needy isn't always better than he who hurts a child.
What are these thoughts that go through my mind? for one simple incident that happens to me can trouble my heart for the longest of time. I am different than you, and you different than I. No one can understand my heart but some have come pretty close to understanding me, for as they are simlar to I.
Do I bore you? if you can talk about me to others why can you not say it to my face? If you were anyone at all you would try to understand even when I don't let you. If you really cared you would not disregard me so... sense...that made none. I am not the greatist person ever this I know I am not perfect, I am far far from it. I am only human as you are, I make mistakes to.
I only write what I feel and at the moment im trying to clear my head for tonights rest, But I know I shall find myself in early morning writing in my beloved journal...my life line. My journal is the link to my soul my heart my mind. My true feelings are in there this shall be my memory.
For my last goodbye is not forever When I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful slumber, sometimes I wish I would just stay there and sleep forever, but then is that what I really want? I don't know... for if I fell asleep tonight there is no garenty for tommorow for if I were to sleep forever starting tonight...would you morn the lost? would you cry? or would it just be a relief? I know I cause worrying if I were not to be here I would not cause that worry I would only cause pain? but I don't know and I would never know because I would be gone.
I wasn't promised today who know's if I would be given another tommorow
*Sigh* thoughts...just simple thoughts
And again I have the thought of a child a innocent life I must mold into a person. Would I be good at this job or fail as a parent? for more and more I want to think I would be perfect, but no one is perfect if you start out thinking that you are more likey to feel terrible when you make a mistake, because we all know NO parent is perfect, No not one. the more I think of this the more it is tossed in my face for just yesterday when I went into a store it was every where a magazine annoucing pregnacy's and this may sound odd but a how to. Things trying to teach on how to be a parent.
Then in my same line this little girl was sitting on the floor crying as her mother stood and watched, I felt quite sorry for this little girl because she was crying. I didn't have a clue why she was so sad, he mother started yelling at her saying Get up! stop your crying everyone is staring...the little girl replyed something through her bitter tears, She was upset because she couldn't have a single piece of candy because her mom had said it cost to much... that made me feel even worst where I wanted to buy a piece of candy for her. Her mom finally gave in and said " Just pick one! but stop crying" and what amazed me was that the little girl said that No she couldn't because you said no it cost to much...
I wonder what will happen to that little girl later on in life what sort of person will she turn into who will she become.
Ah well I am quite tired but I can not sleep yet another all nighter I suppose...maybe I shall sleep...I must turn off the record in my mind...for I am quite drained but I must make it through another day.
"Tommorow I must make it through tommorow"
♥ LaLa