Cross-posted from MySpace
My family was in town this weekend for my Aunt and Uncle's 25th wedding anniversary and the renewing of their wedding vows. It was a fun time seeing the family and hanging out with them and being all snazzy in my underused suit. I have to admit...during the big dinner celebration (reception renewal, I call it), I actually had an unsettled feeling wash over me. Almost like a depression of "My aunt and uncle married at age 22 and have been together and extremely happy for 25 years. What if I never find anyone like that for me?" Like I said...just briefly and it was gone. Washed away in the happiness I find in "dressing up". Chrystelle and I separated and I'm just not sure what's going to happen there. I had a lot of fun with her and I care about her, but I'm not really sure we could ever really be happy long-term. We've been talking, though, sorting out what our issues were. We'll see where we go from here.
The big news is, however, that I am having surgery on Tuesday. My surgeon decided it would be for the best to remove my lymph node for biopsy purposes because it is very firm. I must admit to a vague amount of...terror over this. I know it's childish, but I'm actually very apprehensive here. I have not had any kind of operation since I was 9 years old (and that was a minor, non-invasive operation to reset my broken wrist). This is actually cutting into my neck and removing part of my body...to perform a biopsy on. Ignoring my concerns about the surgery for a moment, a biopsy, by its nature, points to concerns that I may have cancer, right? I mean, I guess the odds are slim that's what it is, but it's a possibilty. Otherwise, why perform such a task?
There is, also, the basic thing of "They are going to CUT OPEN MY NECK". I don't know if I'm going to be awake and numbed or asleep or what. I can't fathom being awake for such a procedure. But it's supposed to be a quick one, so I doubt they'd KO me. So...they'll just stick a novacaine needle into my neck? *Dies* And, I know this is stupid, I've never had stitches before in my life. I hope the incision will be small enough that I still won't have to have them, but I doubt it.
I worry about how much of this my insurance is going to pick up, too. I'm actually glad I have an insurance. I hope it's great insurance. I don't really know.
Okay, I just wanted to jot down my worries and see if that alleviates me. Off to bed. I have a doctor's appt TOMORROW, too.
The big news is, however, that I am having surgery on Tuesday. My surgeon decided it would be for the best to remove my lymph node for biopsy purposes because it is very firm. I must admit to a vague amount of...terror over this. I know it's childish, but I'm actually very apprehensive here. I have not had any kind of operation since I was 9 years old (and that was a minor, non-invasive operation to reset my broken wrist). This is actually cutting into my neck and removing part of my body...to perform a biopsy on. Ignoring my concerns about the surgery for a moment, a biopsy, by its nature, points to concerns that I may have cancer, right? I mean, I guess the odds are slim that's what it is, but it's a possibilty. Otherwise, why perform such a task?
There is, also, the basic thing of "They are going to CUT OPEN MY NECK". I don't know if I'm going to be awake and numbed or asleep or what. I can't fathom being awake for such a procedure. But it's supposed to be a quick one, so I doubt they'd KO me. So...they'll just stick a novacaine needle into my neck? *Dies* And, I know this is stupid, I've never had stitches before in my life. I hope the incision will be small enough that I still won't have to have them, but I doubt it.
I worry about how much of this my insurance is going to pick up, too. I'm actually glad I have an insurance. I hope it's great insurance. I don't really know.
Okay, I just wanted to jot down my worries and see if that alleviates me. Off to bed. I have a doctor's appt TOMORROW, too.