May 02, 2003 22:37
I'm really fucking tired of OpenDiary's not-saving-my-entries nonsense. I wish I liked the LiveJournal format enough to make this my regular online diary. But I don't have any readers here. Seriously...who reads my LiveJournal? No one. And it's so hard to meet new people on LiveJournal. On OD, it's easy. Entries that are new are right on the front page so people can see what has been written and go visit.
LiveJournal is the anti-social diary setup.
I hate the term "journal". Journals are what scientists and doctors keep for research. This is a diary. I don't care if it sounds girly. Deal with it.
I feel so self-defeating writing this. No one will read it. What's the point? Fucking LiveJournal.
I have been really...lonely, I guess today. Carly's been running around all day. She's stopped in a few times to change her away message, but she never sent me a "hi" message or anything, even though I left her a few messages to come home to (and an email). I guess she's been really busy or something.
I got to see her last night. Duffy and I headed up Greensburg and I introduced them. Nothing eventful happened. We sat in the band area while Carly talked to her symphony mates. Then we tore down the stage from some performance.
Duffy and I ended up at Eat N Park where we had a decent religious discussion. I wish I had more excuses like that. I like talking about my religious ideals just because it helps me personally sort them all out. Like I mentioned to him: I have no idea what I am and I feel almost non-classifiable, but I guess I'd be considered agnostic, leaning towards a belief in a God. Duffy described himself as agnostic leading towards a disbelief. I have found I have a lot more respect for religious faith than I do for...um...not having religious faith. And when I get into arguments or debates, I always end up finding myself arguing AGAINST atheism, even though I know deep down at the core of who I am, I do not REALLY believe in a God. But I think I WANT to enough that I argue on the side I want to be a part of. Yet, I can not find it in me to force myself into that side. It's not what I really believe.
The best part of the discussion was when we talked about the afterlife. Duffy decided he does not believe in one at all. I am too...undecided. I believe in a heaven, and I see how it would be and why.
Carly just IMed me! Yay!
Amyway...I just can't believe in a hell of sorts. It doesn't make sense to me. We are dealing with an omnipotent, omniscient being that is so far above human beings, we can not possibly comprehend what he is like. He is too far removed from us. Incidentally, I feel bad automatically assuming a male gender role for the God I am discussing. I am brainwashed by society. But I don't see why we so automatically assume human emotions of this being that is not remotely human. Why would He care if we don't believe in Him? Why would he want to punish us? Why would he care how we live our lives? Why would He create us just so he can end up shunning and punishing us? It's just assuming such selfish human emotions to a being lightyears beyond human comprehension. It makes so much more sense that He would create an Ultimate realm where we would be reunited with Him whom created us. Maybe it's just optimism, though.
Duffy brought up a good point about heaven, though. If it's supposed to be an eternally happy realm where its residents are always pleased and always at peace...what's the point? He says that the whole point of being happy is that you achieve it through working and overcoming the possibility of failure. So how can you ALWAYS be happy in heaven if you have nothing to judge the "happiness" against. There's no way you CAN'T be happy, so why would you feel achieved?
My answer to that was: A) You achieve it by getting there and avoiding Damnation and there is the achievement (though that directly opposes my personal aforementioned philosophy). And B) We don't know that such human thoughts exist in heaven. So maybe we would be eternally happy through some new afterlife emotions.
We talked about more, and it all left me feeling accomplished to have gathered my beliefs and exchanged them with a fellow open mind that, like me, is openly completely unknowing in the end result of life.
I'm going to go talk to Carly! I love my C-Diddy!
carly,
duffy,
religion,
opendiary