(no subject)
I've spent the last several minutes just watching the silliest shit on YouTube. Like...I-was-laughing-so-hard-I-almost-threw-up silly. Good times.
It had all started with my reading a Chinglish book at work today; for the uninformed, "Chinglish" is the poorly translated version of English many signs and menus and the like bear in tourist-y areas of China. Just crazy funny, irreverent stuff that barely makes any sense--if it makes any at all. We were getting a kick out of it at work. "Resist Bacteria Hotel", "Mind Crotch", "Eggs and fried wikipedia". Those kinds of things.
Anyway, from there, I headed off to YouTube to look up the infamous Chinese retranslation of Revenge of the Sith that features Darth Video yelling "DO NOT WANT" instead of "NOOOO", and accidentally came across these Phoenix Wrong-style (only Abbey gets that) re-dubbings of Lord of The Rings.
I've now watched them about a hundred times. Oh man. YouTube, why are you the best ever?
I really just can't stop watching those. They are less funny every time, but still just funny enough.
So...I work at Barnes & Noble. Like most such places, we have regulars. Drones and lifeless husks of human beings that crowd out store every single day for hours at a time, not doing much in particular but not having a job.
Well, we have one such regular, Doug. Our store opens for business at 9:00am, but the openers usually get there at 7:00am to get everything ready. I get there that early because oftentimes, our delivery gets there just after 7. Anyway, today, Regular Doug called our store at 6:50am to see if we were holding a book for him. What the heck?
This guy...he's a whole ball of weird. Apparently he used to be a completely normal college professor, but his wife left him and he just went grade A fruit loops. He no longer washes himself, he no longer maintains his appearance much all. He is tactless and odd. He just lets his snot run down his face. He sits in the cafe and talks to his therapist on the phone in normal speaking volume about how often he masturbates. He's just a weird little monkey. He's an odd guy. He has crazy bugged-out eyes, and his mouth kind of juts out...when I see him, I always imagine "this is not what human beings look like. If...you found an insect that had never SEEN a human being, and you described a human being to it in basic terms...this is what it'd come up with. He looks like an insect's interpretation OF a human being".
I hate being judgmental (LIE), but I have no patience for him. If you are born inept and stupid, fine. If you were in a physical accident that broke your noggin, fine. But to just lose all ability to care for yourself and generally be a worthwhile human being because you are depressed...I have no patience for you. Go be Captain Praying Mantis somewhere else. And wipe your nose. And quit barging into the Receiving Department looking for my co-workers; you aren't supposed to be there. And don't call us more than two hours before we open.
Everybody on Facebook and MySpace seems to be plotting my class's ten year reunion. I kind of thought that reunions were purposeless nowadays; we have Facebook and MySpace, so hasn't the reunion being rendered moot? We can already reconnect with everyone we want to.
I really can't imagine much of any scenario where I would actually go to my reunion; it holds such little worth for me. I'm not going to overplay my high school life--really, I did love High School and all the stuff I did and all the friends I had--but when I was in high school, I was not exceedingly popular. I was somewhere between "nice enough guy that everyone liked" and "occasionally picked on guy". It had its rough patches, but I'm trying not to fall into society's habit of overdramatizing how bad HS was (seriously...EVERYBODY nowadays acts like they were the put-upon loser of their school. It's so terribly emo and untrue). Anyway, I was never invited to any big events or parties, I never drank, I was in all the "smart" classes, getting good grades. The only purpose a reunion would serve for me would be to go back and run my fortune in their faces, but...I'm a big, terrible failure. So heh. A useless degree, no career, no home, no family (though I hardly view family as an indication of success, because even at 28, I feel too young to be married and having kids. And really, I truly hope to never have kids as it is). What do I have to go back for? To see people that are making more of themselves than I? Or to see the few classmates I have left that haven't drugged themselves to death/oblivion? Awesome. Count me right out.
But I keep getting these messages on FB and MS about "raffle tickets" and "save the date" and "we need your address" and blah blah. I'd like to keep abreast of the whole thing, so I don't say "Hey, quit talking to me", but I already know I'm not going.
It had all started with my reading a Chinglish book at work today; for the uninformed, "Chinglish" is the poorly translated version of English many signs and menus and the like bear in tourist-y areas of China. Just crazy funny, irreverent stuff that barely makes any sense--if it makes any at all. We were getting a kick out of it at work. "Resist Bacteria Hotel", "Mind Crotch", "Eggs and fried wikipedia". Those kinds of things.
Anyway, from there, I headed off to YouTube to look up the infamous Chinese retranslation of Revenge of the Sith that features Darth Video yelling "DO NOT WANT" instead of "NOOOO", and accidentally came across these Phoenix Wrong-style (only Abbey gets that) re-dubbings of Lord of The Rings.
I've now watched them about a hundred times. Oh man. YouTube, why are you the best ever?
Click to viewI really just can't stop watching those. They are less funny every time, but still just funny enough.
So...I work at Barnes & Noble. Like most such places, we have regulars. Drones and lifeless husks of human beings that crowd out store every single day for hours at a time, not doing much in particular but not having a job.
Well, we have one such regular, Doug. Our store opens for business at 9:00am, but the openers usually get there at 7:00am to get everything ready. I get there that early because oftentimes, our delivery gets there just after 7. Anyway, today, Regular Doug called our store at 6:50am to see if we were holding a book for him. What the heck?
This guy...he's a whole ball of weird. Apparently he used to be a completely normal college professor, but his wife left him and he just went grade A fruit loops. He no longer washes himself, he no longer maintains his appearance much all. He is tactless and odd. He just lets his snot run down his face. He sits in the cafe and talks to his therapist on the phone in normal speaking volume about how often he masturbates. He's just a weird little monkey. He's an odd guy. He has crazy bugged-out eyes, and his mouth kind of juts out...when I see him, I always imagine "this is not what human beings look like. If...you found an insect that had never SEEN a human being, and you described a human being to it in basic terms...this is what it'd come up with. He looks like an insect's interpretation OF a human being".
I hate being judgmental (LIE), but I have no patience for him. If you are born inept and stupid, fine. If you were in a physical accident that broke your noggin, fine. But to just lose all ability to care for yourself and generally be a worthwhile human being because you are depressed...I have no patience for you. Go be Captain Praying Mantis somewhere else. And wipe your nose. And quit barging into the Receiving Department looking for my co-workers; you aren't supposed to be there. And don't call us more than two hours before we open.
Everybody on Facebook and MySpace seems to be plotting my class's ten year reunion. I kind of thought that reunions were purposeless nowadays; we have Facebook and MySpace, so hasn't the reunion being rendered moot? We can already reconnect with everyone we want to.
I really can't imagine much of any scenario where I would actually go to my reunion; it holds such little worth for me. I'm not going to overplay my high school life--really, I did love High School and all the stuff I did and all the friends I had--but when I was in high school, I was not exceedingly popular. I was somewhere between "nice enough guy that everyone liked" and "occasionally picked on guy". It had its rough patches, but I'm trying not to fall into society's habit of overdramatizing how bad HS was (seriously...EVERYBODY nowadays acts like they were the put-upon loser of their school. It's so terribly emo and untrue). Anyway, I was never invited to any big events or parties, I never drank, I was in all the "smart" classes, getting good grades. The only purpose a reunion would serve for me would be to go back and run my fortune in their faces, but...I'm a big, terrible failure. So heh. A useless degree, no career, no home, no family (though I hardly view family as an indication of success, because even at 28, I feel too young to be married and having kids. And really, I truly hope to never have kids as it is). What do I have to go back for? To see people that are making more of themselves than I? Or to see the few classmates I have left that haven't drugged themselves to death/oblivion? Awesome. Count me right out.
But I keep getting these messages on FB and MS about "raffle tickets" and "save the date" and "we need your address" and blah blah. I'd like to keep abreast of the whole thing, so I don't say "Hey, quit talking to me", but I already know I'm not going.