Who's your....oh.
My dad is honestly kind of a superhero.
Seriously, people who know NOTHING about my dad other than stories I relate about him (some of which are on here) call him their "best friend" and ask me how he is doing and other questions about him endlessly. It is even getting to the point that people who do not know my dad at all, and have never once ever spoken to me about my dad talk about him.
Apparently Tina and her husband Mike were at home watching TV and a preview for the movie The Unborn came on, and Mike started talking about how "that looks like the kind of movie Rob's dad would like, right?" I have never talked to Mike about my dad ever before, but apparently Tina does (Mike thinks it is weird, the things we talk about at work: How STDs get their names. The frequency with which we poop. Whether we can lick our own elbows. On and on, so I guess she does talk about our work stuff with him).
I feel like I should describe my dad in some length here.
My dad is in his 50's. He has gray hair that he will let grow down to almost his shoulders before my Grammy makes him get a haircut. He has a handlebar moustache. He has thick glasses. He has one tattoo, on his right bicep of a skull with wings; he calls it Henry....it is older than I am. He is short (5'7). He cuts the sleeves off of every T-shirt he owns. He wears denim and leather and boots like it's 80's night every day. He has dentures, and has had them for years and years.
He has been in and out of prison for the vast majority of his life until about 6 years ago when he straightened everything up. Mostly drug and larceny charges, but he also attacked someone with a knife once back in the early 90's. He has been in several serious fights in his life involving giant brawls and weapons and all sorts of nasty business. He had his head beaten repeatedly off a curb by three guys in a fight once. He's hinted to me that he has been shot, but I've never outright asked. He's completely straight and narrow now.
He has been a painter most of his life (homes, not portraits), and is outstandingly good at it, and takes a lot of pride in it. He works hard and is very diligent about doing a good and proper job. He collects knives as often as he can, and spends his free time sharpening them to oblivion. It makes him happy. He also takes wire from job sites (with permission) so he can strip it and sell the copper. He smokes, and rolls his own cigarettes because it is cheaper. He has cut himself several times on his knives; once because his knife was so sharp, it sliced right through an apple, not even deterred by the core, and his his thumb, and another time after he bought a new knife at Wal-Mart. The best part about that: I had not even backed my car out of the Wal-Mart parking spot when he had opened the knife and already cut his hand on it.
He is a political moderate who hates the Republican party for what happened to the steel industry in Pittsburgh while they were in power and everything Bush has done, and would vote for Bill Clinton every year if he could. He voted for Ralph Nader this year because he refuses to vote for a black man. He is unapologetically racist. But really, only so openly because he knows it bothers me.
He listens to heavy metal music. His favorite bands are Judas Priest, Metallica, Megadeth, Rob Zombie, and anything similar. He loves slasher flicks and really bad horror movies; he actually OWNS, on DVD, five of the Friday The 13th movies. OWNS THEM. WHO OWNS THOSE MOVIES? He does. He loves the Halloween movies. Because of him, I've seen such awesome movies as The Hills Have Eyes, Wolf Creek, The Hitcher, Rest Stop, Descent, Feast, and...jeez. I could go on and on, but they all run together so much. But he hates most comedies because they are "unrealistic". He loves UFO shows on TV and anything about the supernatural on conspiracy theories. He will read or watch anything on UFOs, strange creatures, lost books of the Bible, or groups like the Knights Templar. He is a voracious reader. He loves any book on or about Conan the Barbarian, and can tell you everything about Robert E Howard's original Conan saga and how it varies from subsequent books or the movies or the Marvel Comic series. He loves Stephen King on a borderline unhealthy level.
He LOVES cats and kittens. LOVES THEM. He was given a kitten wall calendar for 2008, and he proceeded to name every kitten it, and TALKED TO THEM daily. He got a stuffed kitty than meows and purrs this Christmas, and has not stopped playing with it since yesterday. He makes ME play with it. He calls it Sylvester. He knows nothing about computers other than that it has those "cheezburger please cats" on it. He stares out the window several times a day looking for squirrels in our yard, especially the one he insists is bigger than the rest, which he calls "Dire Squirrel". When talking about animals, he talks in a cutesy, higher-pitched voice, and just says "awwwwwww" a lot. He would own a farm with every animal in the world on it if he could, and he'd cuddle them all.
He can't spell. AT ALL. He spelled "vowel" as "voul" once. he put a sign on my door about Ronald Reagan one day, and took several tries to spell Reagan right. I have an Away message on AI that reads:
*My dad and I watching a Subway commercial for their Scrabble game*
Dad: I guess you have to spell "VACATION".
Me: I hope they have sub-prizes, because I have an H and a R.
Dad: ...There's no R in vacation.
This guy says something hilariously quotable at least once every other day. I need to tape-record him more often.
Okay, I think that's good. This was an entry dedicated to my dad. Ta-da?
Seriously, people who know NOTHING about my dad other than stories I relate about him (some of which are on here) call him their "best friend" and ask me how he is doing and other questions about him endlessly. It is even getting to the point that people who do not know my dad at all, and have never once ever spoken to me about my dad talk about him.
Apparently Tina and her husband Mike were at home watching TV and a preview for the movie The Unborn came on, and Mike started talking about how "that looks like the kind of movie Rob's dad would like, right?" I have never talked to Mike about my dad ever before, but apparently Tina does (Mike thinks it is weird, the things we talk about at work: How STDs get their names. The frequency with which we poop. Whether we can lick our own elbows. On and on, so I guess she does talk about our work stuff with him).
I feel like I should describe my dad in some length here.
My dad is in his 50's. He has gray hair that he will let grow down to almost his shoulders before my Grammy makes him get a haircut. He has a handlebar moustache. He has thick glasses. He has one tattoo, on his right bicep of a skull with wings; he calls it Henry....it is older than I am. He is short (5'7). He cuts the sleeves off of every T-shirt he owns. He wears denim and leather and boots like it's 80's night every day. He has dentures, and has had them for years and years.
He has been in and out of prison for the vast majority of his life until about 6 years ago when he straightened everything up. Mostly drug and larceny charges, but he also attacked someone with a knife once back in the early 90's. He has been in several serious fights in his life involving giant brawls and weapons and all sorts of nasty business. He had his head beaten repeatedly off a curb by three guys in a fight once. He's hinted to me that he has been shot, but I've never outright asked. He's completely straight and narrow now.
He has been a painter most of his life (homes, not portraits), and is outstandingly good at it, and takes a lot of pride in it. He works hard and is very diligent about doing a good and proper job. He collects knives as often as he can, and spends his free time sharpening them to oblivion. It makes him happy. He also takes wire from job sites (with permission) so he can strip it and sell the copper. He smokes, and rolls his own cigarettes because it is cheaper. He has cut himself several times on his knives; once because his knife was so sharp, it sliced right through an apple, not even deterred by the core, and his his thumb, and another time after he bought a new knife at Wal-Mart. The best part about that: I had not even backed my car out of the Wal-Mart parking spot when he had opened the knife and already cut his hand on it.
He is a political moderate who hates the Republican party for what happened to the steel industry in Pittsburgh while they were in power and everything Bush has done, and would vote for Bill Clinton every year if he could. He voted for Ralph Nader this year because he refuses to vote for a black man. He is unapologetically racist. But really, only so openly because he knows it bothers me.
He listens to heavy metal music. His favorite bands are Judas Priest, Metallica, Megadeth, Rob Zombie, and anything similar. He loves slasher flicks and really bad horror movies; he actually OWNS, on DVD, five of the Friday The 13th movies. OWNS THEM. WHO OWNS THOSE MOVIES? He does. He loves the Halloween movies. Because of him, I've seen such awesome movies as The Hills Have Eyes, Wolf Creek, The Hitcher, Rest Stop, Descent, Feast, and...jeez. I could go on and on, but they all run together so much. But he hates most comedies because they are "unrealistic". He loves UFO shows on TV and anything about the supernatural on conspiracy theories. He will read or watch anything on UFOs, strange creatures, lost books of the Bible, or groups like the Knights Templar. He is a voracious reader. He loves any book on or about Conan the Barbarian, and can tell you everything about Robert E Howard's original Conan saga and how it varies from subsequent books or the movies or the Marvel Comic series. He loves Stephen King on a borderline unhealthy level.
He LOVES cats and kittens. LOVES THEM. He was given a kitten wall calendar for 2008, and he proceeded to name every kitten it, and TALKED TO THEM daily. He got a stuffed kitty than meows and purrs this Christmas, and has not stopped playing with it since yesterday. He makes ME play with it. He calls it Sylvester. He knows nothing about computers other than that it has those "cheezburger please cats" on it. He stares out the window several times a day looking for squirrels in our yard, especially the one he insists is bigger than the rest, which he calls "Dire Squirrel". When talking about animals, he talks in a cutesy, higher-pitched voice, and just says "awwwwwww" a lot. He would own a farm with every animal in the world on it if he could, and he'd cuddle them all.
He can't spell. AT ALL. He spelled "vowel" as "voul" once. he put a sign on my door about Ronald Reagan one day, and took several tries to spell Reagan right. I have an Away message on AI that reads:
*My dad and I watching a Subway commercial for their Scrabble game*
Dad: I guess you have to spell "VACATION".
Me: I hope they have sub-prizes, because I have an H and a R.
Dad: ...There's no R in vacation.
This guy says something hilariously quotable at least once every other day. I need to tape-record him more often.
Okay, I think that's good. This was an entry dedicated to my dad. Ta-da?