"I'm Right" : 2008
Everything from last entry is gravy, so let's never discuss it again. K? K.
Today I bring you....THINGS I AM RIGHT ABOUT: 2008 EDITION. Enjoy. But don't argue back. because...you're wrong. I'm right. It says so a few words ago.
1) A skunk will always win a hypothetical fight with a porcupine.
This comes up a lot in my life, but I'm closing the book on it here. A skunk will beat a porcupine. I am right. A lot of people think that the porcupine will win because they have sharp quills; well, a lot of people think the world is going to end in their lifetimes. I have a word for them: Fucking spaz monkey tard bombers. Here's the thing: A porcupine's only chance is if the skunk stupidly runs straight ahead into the porcupine's side. Well that's not going to happen. The skunk is going to stand back, unleash a spray of noxious skunk juice into the porcupine's face, causing its eyes to burn and frightening it. The porcupine then runs away, and I declare the skunk the winner. Also, skunks are fast and nimble and vicious, so...there's that. But basically what this boils down to is that the skunk has long distance reach.
If you were covered in knives that stuck outward, and I had a high pressure hose full of rank water that could burn your eyes, I would defeat you. Easy peasy.
That's the first thing I'm right about.
2) Vampires are the "undead". Zombies are the "living dead". The two terms are not inter-changeable.
I made this one up one day at work while we were discussing....zombies and vampires. Undead and Living Dead do not mean the same thing. Here's how you discern the difference: Undead implies that the creature being referenced WAS dead, but then ceased being dead. It undid its deadness. That implies a full return of motor function and cognitive capacity. See: vampires can think rationally and are not actively decaying. To be the Living Dead, signifies that are you still quite deceased, but you have regained some basic level of functionality and are able to get about. You are mobile, but your flesh is still rotting and your organs are not operating.
A vampire NEEDS to drink blood, or it dies! A zombie WANTS to eat flesh, but nothing detrimental will happen to it if it doesn't because...it is already dead. A vampire's digestive system processes blood as a meal. A zombie's stomach just fills up with dead weight flesh and brains until they burst free and leak out.
3) A glass partially filled with water is not either "half-full" or "half-empty" depending on the person looking at it.
Look, just....no. This is science, all right? It does not depend on the person...it depends on the state of the water.
1. If you are in the process of DRINKING the water, the glass is half-empty, because the water level is going down, so it is halfway to its future empty status.
2. If you are filling the glass with water, it is half-full because it is halfway to its eventual future full status.
3. If you happen upon a free-standing glass of water that is neither in the process of being drunk or filled, it is a "glass of water". All right? If you want to call it "half-empty" or "half-full", you need to then either drink or fill it to fulfill the prophecy you have given it.
4) The egg came before the chicken. Every time. Period. The end. Don't say otherwise.
Once again, we have science at work here. The chicken always has to have come from an egg. In the slow process of evolution, there was, at some point, a creature that was 99.9% chicken, but was actually classified as something else. Something not-quite-chicken. It laid an egg. The egg hatched, and out came a chicken. The egg was, hence, a chicken egg, even if it did not come from a chicken. It came from the direct predecessor of the chicken, which was not a chicken. But the egg contained an actual chicken, the first one ever in the process of evolution, so...the egg was a chicken egg. It made a chicken inside, even it it actually came from another creature.
See how that works? It does not take a chicken to make the first chicken egg, but it DOES take a chicken egg to make the first chicken. Chicken did not evolve from mammals, so there is no way the first chicken was birthed via live birth. It was birthed IN AN EGG from a non-chicken creature. Chicken egg. THEN chicken.
I'm right.
Today I bring you....THINGS I AM RIGHT ABOUT: 2008 EDITION. Enjoy. But don't argue back. because...you're wrong. I'm right. It says so a few words ago.
1) A skunk will always win a hypothetical fight with a porcupine.
This comes up a lot in my life, but I'm closing the book on it here. A skunk will beat a porcupine. I am right. A lot of people think that the porcupine will win because they have sharp quills; well, a lot of people think the world is going to end in their lifetimes. I have a word for them: Fucking spaz monkey tard bombers. Here's the thing: A porcupine's only chance is if the skunk stupidly runs straight ahead into the porcupine's side. Well that's not going to happen. The skunk is going to stand back, unleash a spray of noxious skunk juice into the porcupine's face, causing its eyes to burn and frightening it. The porcupine then runs away, and I declare the skunk the winner. Also, skunks are fast and nimble and vicious, so...there's that. But basically what this boils down to is that the skunk has long distance reach.
If you were covered in knives that stuck outward, and I had a high pressure hose full of rank water that could burn your eyes, I would defeat you. Easy peasy.
That's the first thing I'm right about.
2) Vampires are the "undead". Zombies are the "living dead". The two terms are not inter-changeable.
I made this one up one day at work while we were discussing....zombies and vampires. Undead and Living Dead do not mean the same thing. Here's how you discern the difference: Undead implies that the creature being referenced WAS dead, but then ceased being dead. It undid its deadness. That implies a full return of motor function and cognitive capacity. See: vampires can think rationally and are not actively decaying. To be the Living Dead, signifies that are you still quite deceased, but you have regained some basic level of functionality and are able to get about. You are mobile, but your flesh is still rotting and your organs are not operating.
A vampire NEEDS to drink blood, or it dies! A zombie WANTS to eat flesh, but nothing detrimental will happen to it if it doesn't because...it is already dead. A vampire's digestive system processes blood as a meal. A zombie's stomach just fills up with dead weight flesh and brains until they burst free and leak out.
3) A glass partially filled with water is not either "half-full" or "half-empty" depending on the person looking at it.
Look, just....no. This is science, all right? It does not depend on the person...it depends on the state of the water.
1. If you are in the process of DRINKING the water, the glass is half-empty, because the water level is going down, so it is halfway to its future empty status.
2. If you are filling the glass with water, it is half-full because it is halfway to its eventual future full status.
3. If you happen upon a free-standing glass of water that is neither in the process of being drunk or filled, it is a "glass of water". All right? If you want to call it "half-empty" or "half-full", you need to then either drink or fill it to fulfill the prophecy you have given it.
4) The egg came before the chicken. Every time. Period. The end. Don't say otherwise.
Once again, we have science at work here. The chicken always has to have come from an egg. In the slow process of evolution, there was, at some point, a creature that was 99.9% chicken, but was actually classified as something else. Something not-quite-chicken. It laid an egg. The egg hatched, and out came a chicken. The egg was, hence, a chicken egg, even if it did not come from a chicken. It came from the direct predecessor of the chicken, which was not a chicken. But the egg contained an actual chicken, the first one ever in the process of evolution, so...the egg was a chicken egg. It made a chicken inside, even it it actually came from another creature.
See how that works? It does not take a chicken to make the first chicken egg, but it DOES take a chicken egg to make the first chicken. Chicken did not evolve from mammals, so there is no way the first chicken was birthed via live birth. It was birthed IN AN EGG from a non-chicken creature. Chicken egg. THEN chicken.
I'm right.