(no subject)
This is my third entry in the last 24 hours. I really apologize; this isn't like me. Tell your friends page I'm sorry. :(
There's a really silly show on the History Channel that my dad loves called "MonsterQuest" (not "MobsterQuest", as I initially typed, but...that'd be more fun). The premise is that a collection of half-retarded scientists and "experts" get together and go about proving the existence of sasquatch or the Beast of Exmoor or giant octopi or UFOs. He really digs it. ANYWAY, tonight they are doing something about bear attacks (I LOL. Someone must've said "Shit, son. We're getting buried on this crazy mystic stuff. Let's see if we can prove housecats' existence and move up from there"), which lead to a fierce discussion between my dad and I over whether or not I could take a bear.
Me: If a bear attacked me, I wouldn't stand for its shit. I'd punch it in the throat.
Dad: Yeah...the bear would gut you.
me: No, because I'm not retarded. I'm not going to run or climb a tree or roll up in a ball. I'm going to hang in there and punch it in the throat.
dad: I don't think that would work.
me: No, listen. Try taking a punch in the throat. That is debilitating! That puts you down. Vulnerable. I'd punch that bear straight on in the throat. Look, you have to hang in there. Bears are big and have the reach advantage. You'll have to duck or dodge a swipe or two to get in close. But then... BAM! Fist. Throat. GAME OVER, STUPID BEAR.
dad: They have fur. It would absorb the impact.
me: I'm being rational here. Look, I'll admit things that could eat me. I could take a lion, but not a shark. A shark would destroy me. I'm terrible in the water...no maneuverability. If I encounter a shark, that is the end of Rob. Hey, I wonder if I could take an alligator.
dad: ...
me: Yeah, in the water, probably not. But on land? I think so. They're oddly shaped, though. I'm not sure I'd know where to go.
dad: They're made of leather. You'd have a really hard time hurting an alligator.
me: I'm made of awesome; they'd have a really hard time hurting me. I'm too nimble for alligators. They DO have a finishing move, though; you have to watch out for that. But I'm pretty sure I could get on it's back and just jump up and down on it. That's my alligator strategy.
dad: Quiet, the bears are on.
me: Oh, those are black bears! What a rip. I'd just kick them in the face.
dad: Black bears are pretty docile. They aren't aggressive or mean at all, unless they are threatened.
me: I'd DDT them.
This is what every day is like in my home. These are the conversations we have.
You know what I'm not ENTIRELY sick of yet, TV? Commercials for Choke. Get Chuck Palahniuk out of my life, okay? I hate him; I don't want anything to do with him; I wish he'd die and quit making terrible things and writing terrible books. I don't approve of anything he does. I'm just saying he's terrible, and I wish he'd died as an infant.
Fight Club was one of the three worst movies I've ever seen ('sup, Flightplan and Superbad?), and when Palanhiuk came to Pitt, he just acted like a smug jerk full of gross-out humor and annoying stories. I've thumbed through a few of his books, but after a page or two, I just get bored and shut them. Useless.
Oh yeah, thanks to ataventure for talking about TV in her most recent entry. I almost forgot.
Thinking about buying a TV boxed set. Firefly is too expensive (though infallibly good), so I've got two choices:
How I Met Your Mother
or
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Anyone have any thoughts on either?
There's a really silly show on the History Channel that my dad loves called "MonsterQuest" (not "MobsterQuest", as I initially typed, but...that'd be more fun). The premise is that a collection of half-retarded scientists and "experts" get together and go about proving the existence of sasquatch or the Beast of Exmoor or giant octopi or UFOs. He really digs it. ANYWAY, tonight they are doing something about bear attacks (I LOL. Someone must've said "Shit, son. We're getting buried on this crazy mystic stuff. Let's see if we can prove housecats' existence and move up from there"), which lead to a fierce discussion between my dad and I over whether or not I could take a bear.
Me: If a bear attacked me, I wouldn't stand for its shit. I'd punch it in the throat.
Dad: Yeah...the bear would gut you.
me: No, because I'm not retarded. I'm not going to run or climb a tree or roll up in a ball. I'm going to hang in there and punch it in the throat.
dad: I don't think that would work.
me: No, listen. Try taking a punch in the throat. That is debilitating! That puts you down. Vulnerable. I'd punch that bear straight on in the throat. Look, you have to hang in there. Bears are big and have the reach advantage. You'll have to duck or dodge a swipe or two to get in close. But then... BAM! Fist. Throat. GAME OVER, STUPID BEAR.
dad: They have fur. It would absorb the impact.
me: I'm being rational here. Look, I'll admit things that could eat me. I could take a lion, but not a shark. A shark would destroy me. I'm terrible in the water...no maneuverability. If I encounter a shark, that is the end of Rob. Hey, I wonder if I could take an alligator.
dad: ...
me: Yeah, in the water, probably not. But on land? I think so. They're oddly shaped, though. I'm not sure I'd know where to go.
dad: They're made of leather. You'd have a really hard time hurting an alligator.
me: I'm made of awesome; they'd have a really hard time hurting me. I'm too nimble for alligators. They DO have a finishing move, though; you have to watch out for that. But I'm pretty sure I could get on it's back and just jump up and down on it. That's my alligator strategy.
dad: Quiet, the bears are on.
me: Oh, those are black bears! What a rip. I'd just kick them in the face.
dad: Black bears are pretty docile. They aren't aggressive or mean at all, unless they are threatened.
me: I'd DDT them.
This is what every day is like in my home. These are the conversations we have.
You know what I'm not ENTIRELY sick of yet, TV? Commercials for Choke. Get Chuck Palahniuk out of my life, okay? I hate him; I don't want anything to do with him; I wish he'd die and quit making terrible things and writing terrible books. I don't approve of anything he does. I'm just saying he's terrible, and I wish he'd died as an infant.
Fight Club was one of the three worst movies I've ever seen ('sup, Flightplan and Superbad?), and when Palanhiuk came to Pitt, he just acted like a smug jerk full of gross-out humor and annoying stories. I've thumbed through a few of his books, but after a page or two, I just get bored and shut them. Useless.
Oh yeah, thanks to ataventure for talking about TV in her most recent entry. I almost forgot.
Thinking about buying a TV boxed set. Firefly is too expensive (though infallibly good), so I've got two choices:
How I Met Your Mother
or
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Anyone have any thoughts on either?