Dream: 5-24-08
I don't know why I'm documenting this.
I just woke up from a dream, and I am, though.
So the dream started off with, I guess, Jim Halpert and I being good friends and co-workers in the Office (I feel it is important to note that the friendship was with Jim Halpert, and not with John Krasinski, the actor, though there are some ambiguous moments).
I think I was having a really bad day, so Jim and his buddies came to my house to pick me up to take me out fishing (obviously, big fisher that I am). For some reason, I am starting to think I have already recalled this dream wrong. Jim and I may have lived together, and he was the one having a bad day because Pam was upset. That's right, not what I said at first. Anyway, his friends came over to take him fishing, and I ended up going, too, but somehow in the process, I forgot to wear clothes. As we're driving through Belle Vernon, I think I see Pam Beesley out of the corner of my eye going to the Foot Locker on 201, and make the friends pull over so I can get some clothes, and Jim can see Pam.
Anyway, we stop and are hanging out in the parking lot while his friends compare notes on their fishing gear, and I'm feeling really embarassed about not being dressed, but Jim is being super nice to me about it. He keeps sharing his bucket of ice for me, so I can have cold Gatorade to drink. But at some point he goes inside the Foot Locker to talk to Pam. He hangs around for a bit while his buddies seem to fade away to the recesses of my dream. Jim comes out and says he didn't see her in there, but I was sure I saw her, so I head back in to double-check.
While I'm there, under both the false pretense and real need of buying pants and a shirt, I realize there is a girl's restroom, and I hear a noise come from it. So I take my time, while watching Jim outside chat with his buddies. During all this, I suddenly become clothed, and even in my dream, I was like "I remember neither buying this shirt and sweatpants, nor putting them on", but not questioning it past that. After a while, Pam comes out of the lady's room, and goes to ask the clerk a question. I say Hi and that Jim is outside with me, and she turns to me angrily and says "Yeah, I know. And I saw you, too, okay?"
So I get kind of flustered and head outside to tell Jim what is going on: That she's there, but she seems really mad, but mad at me, not him. At this point in my dream, for some reason, I begin wondering if I'm Dwight Schrute or if Dwight is around, having annoyed Pam and she is blaming me.
Jim goes back inside to get her. And when I watch him talking to her inside the store, I realize, that it isn't Pam. It's Cassie. Jim and she chat a bit, but then she gets upset and heads back for the lady's room, and he comes back outside to chat with me some more. We talk about work at The Office and fishing and my new clothes; nothing vibrant enough to stick out.
Here things shift a bit, Jim's friends may or may not have still been around, but so was an odd amalgamation of other workers from The Office and college classmates. And for some reason, we're about to have a meeting in the Foot Locker.
We all get back into the Foot Locker and set up at little round tables, where Jim and I sit together. I remember seeing other Office characters around us, like Oscar and Angela, but they were non-descript and unfunny.
After a while, who should emerge from a part of the Foot Locker, but Emilia and Tom (I should mention here that I never met Tom in my life, all I know is that Emilia seemed to be happy with him, and Cassie hated him more than life itself and would not stop saying horrible things about him to me if ever made to think about him). They come over and sit with Jim and I, but I think Emilia leaves in fairly short order, to go into the lady's room with Cassie. I remember Tom, who I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, was being a real doofball. Not like a jerk, but really weird. And then there was something about the meeting getting really crowded, and Jim, Tom, and I getting pushed halfway out the doors before order was restored.
After that, Jim and I go sit in about the 2nd or 3rd row (for some reason, they did away with the tables after the overcrowding), and we're talking and I keep telling him to go sit by Emilia away from me, so Cassie will come out of the restroom, but he won't leave me. He says that's not fair, and he's not going to pick and choose. The person heading the meeting, who was not Michael Scott, was somebody teaching us about how to make sales, but with a math formula, and I remember not being able to get it, and thinking that that was really weird, and I must have been distracted.
While that is going on, Cassie comes out of the bathroom, and sets up an elaborate digital camera set-up right in front of row two before the people in front of Jim and I. There was a camera on a tripod, a big mirror and a small spotlight. But then she leaves again. Jim and I compare notes on how weird this is. After a few minutes, she comes back, holding a small carton of frosting, and leans down next to Jim's ear (but the ear that is close to me, to, I guess, make sure I hear what she says) and asks him "How about we slather chocolate all over each other's lips and kiss it off while we take pictures?"
I was thinking about not including this, but meh: There is a moment before talking to Jim, that Cassie moves in such a way that I can see her underwear for a second, and I know she did it on purpose, just to get to me. This was before she asks Jim that question. It was actually as she was walking away from putting the camera up, now that I recall.
Anyway, I have completely turned my head away, trying to mind my own business after she said that, leaning away from the two of them, and Jim says "No, we can't do that. I wouldn't feel right because you and he dated, and he's my friend. I'm not going to do that in front of him". But, despite looking away, I realize she grabbed him and kissed him anyway. I get up and just walk out of the store, whereupon, I wake up.
I had started a paragraph here I'm not going to finish, about how I'd been doing really well lately with missing her, but....she and I broke up over a year ago. We've been broken up slightly longer than we were dating. How can I possibly still be thinking about it at all? The feelings and thoughts I've had lately were mostly warm ones; good memories and fond recollection. I smile when I think of them, not hurt.
But we broke up over a year ago. Why do I still miss her so much? Why do I still wake up on Saturdays and immediately realize she's not in my bed? Honestly, almost every single Saturday morning, that is the first thought I have. Even now.
I have this terrible, terrible sense of dread that for the rest of my life, it's going to be like this. Maybe I won't be single, but I'll always remember her. I am entirely, with all of my being, in love with her. I'm in love with the girl that wrote "poop" on my stomach and played Chrono Cross all night and fell in love with me because I shared my hush puppies with her and made fun of how "I get a little cocky when I play as Brolly" and wouldn't eat the spaghetti I made, but was nice enough to say it was because she didn't feel well. I remember the oddest assortment of things about her.
I was at the mall a few weekends ago, and I have a thing where every few months, I will throw a coin in the fountain at the mall and make a wish. Not regularly at all, but just often enough that I hope the imaginary fountain fairies wil help me out. I probably do it once a year or so. But the last time I made a wish, maybe two three weeks ago, I threw in my coin and wished for her to be happy. I threw in my dime and thought as hard as I could, "I want Cassie to be happy, wherever she is, I want her to have everything go her way". I'm never in my life going to get to speak to her again, but I want her to be happy more than anything else I could ever want.
Most importantly, though, I kind of want to meet Jim Halpert now. He was a boss best friend in my dream, even if he was dating my ex. Heh.
It also always baffles me how people in dreams that don't directly involve themselves with you, can be kind of phantasmical. They can disappears or reappear or never utter a word and just be blandly non-descript, but you never question it. I kind of love how dreams work.
That was me changing the subject at the end.
I just woke up from a dream, and I am, though.
So the dream started off with, I guess, Jim Halpert and I being good friends and co-workers in the Office (I feel it is important to note that the friendship was with Jim Halpert, and not with John Krasinski, the actor, though there are some ambiguous moments).
I think I was having a really bad day, so Jim and his buddies came to my house to pick me up to take me out fishing (obviously, big fisher that I am). For some reason, I am starting to think I have already recalled this dream wrong. Jim and I may have lived together, and he was the one having a bad day because Pam was upset. That's right, not what I said at first. Anyway, his friends came over to take him fishing, and I ended up going, too, but somehow in the process, I forgot to wear clothes. As we're driving through Belle Vernon, I think I see Pam Beesley out of the corner of my eye going to the Foot Locker on 201, and make the friends pull over so I can get some clothes, and Jim can see Pam.
Anyway, we stop and are hanging out in the parking lot while his friends compare notes on their fishing gear, and I'm feeling really embarassed about not being dressed, but Jim is being super nice to me about it. He keeps sharing his bucket of ice for me, so I can have cold Gatorade to drink. But at some point he goes inside the Foot Locker to talk to Pam. He hangs around for a bit while his buddies seem to fade away to the recesses of my dream. Jim comes out and says he didn't see her in there, but I was sure I saw her, so I head back in to double-check.
While I'm there, under both the false pretense and real need of buying pants and a shirt, I realize there is a girl's restroom, and I hear a noise come from it. So I take my time, while watching Jim outside chat with his buddies. During all this, I suddenly become clothed, and even in my dream, I was like "I remember neither buying this shirt and sweatpants, nor putting them on", but not questioning it past that. After a while, Pam comes out of the lady's room, and goes to ask the clerk a question. I say Hi and that Jim is outside with me, and she turns to me angrily and says "Yeah, I know. And I saw you, too, okay?"
So I get kind of flustered and head outside to tell Jim what is going on: That she's there, but she seems really mad, but mad at me, not him. At this point in my dream, for some reason, I begin wondering if I'm Dwight Schrute or if Dwight is around, having annoyed Pam and she is blaming me.
Jim goes back inside to get her. And when I watch him talking to her inside the store, I realize, that it isn't Pam. It's Cassie. Jim and she chat a bit, but then she gets upset and heads back for the lady's room, and he comes back outside to chat with me some more. We talk about work at The Office and fishing and my new clothes; nothing vibrant enough to stick out.
Here things shift a bit, Jim's friends may or may not have still been around, but so was an odd amalgamation of other workers from The Office and college classmates. And for some reason, we're about to have a meeting in the Foot Locker.
We all get back into the Foot Locker and set up at little round tables, where Jim and I sit together. I remember seeing other Office characters around us, like Oscar and Angela, but they were non-descript and unfunny.
After a while, who should emerge from a part of the Foot Locker, but Emilia and Tom (I should mention here that I never met Tom in my life, all I know is that Emilia seemed to be happy with him, and Cassie hated him more than life itself and would not stop saying horrible things about him to me if ever made to think about him). They come over and sit with Jim and I, but I think Emilia leaves in fairly short order, to go into the lady's room with Cassie. I remember Tom, who I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, was being a real doofball. Not like a jerk, but really weird. And then there was something about the meeting getting really crowded, and Jim, Tom, and I getting pushed halfway out the doors before order was restored.
After that, Jim and I go sit in about the 2nd or 3rd row (for some reason, they did away with the tables after the overcrowding), and we're talking and I keep telling him to go sit by Emilia away from me, so Cassie will come out of the restroom, but he won't leave me. He says that's not fair, and he's not going to pick and choose. The person heading the meeting, who was not Michael Scott, was somebody teaching us about how to make sales, but with a math formula, and I remember not being able to get it, and thinking that that was really weird, and I must have been distracted.
While that is going on, Cassie comes out of the bathroom, and sets up an elaborate digital camera set-up right in front of row two before the people in front of Jim and I. There was a camera on a tripod, a big mirror and a small spotlight. But then she leaves again. Jim and I compare notes on how weird this is. After a few minutes, she comes back, holding a small carton of frosting, and leans down next to Jim's ear (but the ear that is close to me, to, I guess, make sure I hear what she says) and asks him "How about we slather chocolate all over each other's lips and kiss it off while we take pictures?"
I was thinking about not including this, but meh: There is a moment before talking to Jim, that Cassie moves in such a way that I can see her underwear for a second, and I know she did it on purpose, just to get to me. This was before she asks Jim that question. It was actually as she was walking away from putting the camera up, now that I recall.
Anyway, I have completely turned my head away, trying to mind my own business after she said that, leaning away from the two of them, and Jim says "No, we can't do that. I wouldn't feel right because you and he dated, and he's my friend. I'm not going to do that in front of him". But, despite looking away, I realize she grabbed him and kissed him anyway. I get up and just walk out of the store, whereupon, I wake up.
I had started a paragraph here I'm not going to finish, about how I'd been doing really well lately with missing her, but....she and I broke up over a year ago. We've been broken up slightly longer than we were dating. How can I possibly still be thinking about it at all? The feelings and thoughts I've had lately were mostly warm ones; good memories and fond recollection. I smile when I think of them, not hurt.
But we broke up over a year ago. Why do I still miss her so much? Why do I still wake up on Saturdays and immediately realize she's not in my bed? Honestly, almost every single Saturday morning, that is the first thought I have. Even now.
I have this terrible, terrible sense of dread that for the rest of my life, it's going to be like this. Maybe I won't be single, but I'll always remember her. I am entirely, with all of my being, in love with her. I'm in love with the girl that wrote "poop" on my stomach and played Chrono Cross all night and fell in love with me because I shared my hush puppies with her and made fun of how "I get a little cocky when I play as Brolly" and wouldn't eat the spaghetti I made, but was nice enough to say it was because she didn't feel well. I remember the oddest assortment of things about her.
I was at the mall a few weekends ago, and I have a thing where every few months, I will throw a coin in the fountain at the mall and make a wish. Not regularly at all, but just often enough that I hope the imaginary fountain fairies wil help me out. I probably do it once a year or so. But the last time I made a wish, maybe two three weeks ago, I threw in my coin and wished for her to be happy. I threw in my dime and thought as hard as I could, "I want Cassie to be happy, wherever she is, I want her to have everything go her way". I'm never in my life going to get to speak to her again, but I want her to be happy more than anything else I could ever want.
Most importantly, though, I kind of want to meet Jim Halpert now. He was a boss best friend in my dream, even if he was dating my ex. Heh.
It also always baffles me how people in dreams that don't directly involve themselves with you, can be kind of phantasmical. They can disappears or reappear or never utter a word and just be blandly non-descript, but you never question it. I kind of love how dreams work.
That was me changing the subject at the end.