musings
I should be working on homework, but I feel the need to use my lj to ponder some issues I'm facing right now, and hopefully get useful feedback/ideas from my friends.
Firstly, I'm planning on changing my major to German Liberal arts instead of German Education. I might actually double major in German and Math (Statistics), because that would take maybe a semester long, and maybe not even that much.
This plan makes me happy. It prevents me from spending the next 3 years of my life at this university trying to get a degree to do something I don't really want to do. I don't like high school age kids (no offense to any high school age friends I have...although I can't think of any off-hand). They're overly dramatic, and difficult to teach because they're more concerned with their "problems" than learning. That's my experience, and it's probably a terrible over-generalization, but I just can't get excited about dealing with that ever again.
Ok, great, Matt's changing his major and he's happy about it. Where's the conflict?
It lies with Matt's parents, who pay for his schooling. Matt's father was less than ecstatic when he heard about this plan. He's probably imagining a future of me being unable to find a job because of my "useless" degree.
Every time I mention that my plan is to go to grad school and eventually become a professor, he reminds me that my sister is finishing up high school next year, and that they can't pay for both of us to be in school at once. OK; then tell me why staying in a major that will take me 3 years is a better idea than switching to 2 majors that will take me a year and a half to 2 years? What he says his concerns are conflict with the reality of the situation I've prevented.
How can I convince them that this isn't being done on a whim? How can I show them that it's the plan that's best for me? I don't have an answer, nor do I have a lot of time to figure one out; we've got to discuss this in the next couple of days.
Secondly, my roommate is taking next semester off. I know a lot of you who I'm friends with on LJ don't know Kaje, but the important point is that he and I are very close friends. I would use the term best friends if it didn't make me sound like an elementary school kid. Over the past 2 and a half years we've lived in the same tiny ass room for 8 months out of the year. We've shared a lot of good experiences and bad experiences, and helped each other through them all.
Kyle needs to take this time to...I don't know, "find himself" sounds cliche, but it fits best, I suppose. And I agree completely with him that that's the case, and I fully support him in what he's doing.
But it leaves me at a crossroads. I've been at this university for over two years, and I'm very set in my ways. I can't imagine finding another roommate who I would be capable of getting along with. I'm realistic about the fact that my personality and habits are idiosyncratic; it was sheer luck that I was paired with a roommate whom I got along with extremely well.
Keeping the room to myself for certain will cost extra money, money that I don't have and I don't know if my parents will be willing to put up. But I absolutely don't want to end up with some dumbass pre-frat boy for a roommate, who I'm going to have to put up with drinking all the time and just generally being an asshole. I just don't know where to go from here. Kaje is doing what he needs to do, and that's commendable, and I'm ecstatc about it. It just leaves me in a weird place.
Thirdly, we come back to a pervading theme of my blog, and life, and that's a desperate longing for artistic expression and talent that I have yet to find. I still don't have a band, which shouldn't be surprising to anyone. I have these awesome posters Moriah made for me to hang up, but I haven't done it. Partially because I don't have any black ink to print them with, but also because of a nagging pessimistic feeling of "What's the point?" Flyers haven't worked for me before. I've talked to everybody I know who plays instruments, and none of them are interested. I've resorted, as sad as it is, to spamming music-related Facebook groups to try and find band members.
What's God trying to tell me through all this? I'm not supposed to be in a band? That music and writing aren't where my talents really lie? I just don't fucking know anymore, guys and gals. Realistically, I have probably about a full album's worth of useable material written; some of it, I kid you not, dates back to high school. Is anyone other than Moriah and the rest of my closest friends going to hear it? Doubtful.
Maybe I should just get some recording software and make it all myself. It would probably sound like crap, and reek of desperation, but at least I could temporarily alleviate this feeling of complete futility.
In positive news, classes are going really well. My jobs are both bringing in the cash while being a lot of fun. Next semester I'm going to co-host TV10's music show, which means I can spread the gospel of ROCK farther on this campus.
And I have a girlfriend who loves me. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining about all of this stuff. Being loved is more important than people give it credit for.
Firstly, I'm planning on changing my major to German Liberal arts instead of German Education. I might actually double major in German and Math (Statistics), because that would take maybe a semester long, and maybe not even that much.
This plan makes me happy. It prevents me from spending the next 3 years of my life at this university trying to get a degree to do something I don't really want to do. I don't like high school age kids (no offense to any high school age friends I have...although I can't think of any off-hand). They're overly dramatic, and difficult to teach because they're more concerned with their "problems" than learning. That's my experience, and it's probably a terrible over-generalization, but I just can't get excited about dealing with that ever again.
Ok, great, Matt's changing his major and he's happy about it. Where's the conflict?
It lies with Matt's parents, who pay for his schooling. Matt's father was less than ecstatic when he heard about this plan. He's probably imagining a future of me being unable to find a job because of my "useless" degree.
Every time I mention that my plan is to go to grad school and eventually become a professor, he reminds me that my sister is finishing up high school next year, and that they can't pay for both of us to be in school at once. OK; then tell me why staying in a major that will take me 3 years is a better idea than switching to 2 majors that will take me a year and a half to 2 years? What he says his concerns are conflict with the reality of the situation I've prevented.
How can I convince them that this isn't being done on a whim? How can I show them that it's the plan that's best for me? I don't have an answer, nor do I have a lot of time to figure one out; we've got to discuss this in the next couple of days.
Secondly, my roommate is taking next semester off. I know a lot of you who I'm friends with on LJ don't know Kaje, but the important point is that he and I are very close friends. I would use the term best friends if it didn't make me sound like an elementary school kid. Over the past 2 and a half years we've lived in the same tiny ass room for 8 months out of the year. We've shared a lot of good experiences and bad experiences, and helped each other through them all.
Kyle needs to take this time to...I don't know, "find himself" sounds cliche, but it fits best, I suppose. And I agree completely with him that that's the case, and I fully support him in what he's doing.
But it leaves me at a crossroads. I've been at this university for over two years, and I'm very set in my ways. I can't imagine finding another roommate who I would be capable of getting along with. I'm realistic about the fact that my personality and habits are idiosyncratic; it was sheer luck that I was paired with a roommate whom I got along with extremely well.
Keeping the room to myself for certain will cost extra money, money that I don't have and I don't know if my parents will be willing to put up. But I absolutely don't want to end up with some dumbass pre-frat boy for a roommate, who I'm going to have to put up with drinking all the time and just generally being an asshole. I just don't know where to go from here. Kaje is doing what he needs to do, and that's commendable, and I'm ecstatc about it. It just leaves me in a weird place.
Thirdly, we come back to a pervading theme of my blog, and life, and that's a desperate longing for artistic expression and talent that I have yet to find. I still don't have a band, which shouldn't be surprising to anyone. I have these awesome posters Moriah made for me to hang up, but I haven't done it. Partially because I don't have any black ink to print them with, but also because of a nagging pessimistic feeling of "What's the point?" Flyers haven't worked for me before. I've talked to everybody I know who plays instruments, and none of them are interested. I've resorted, as sad as it is, to spamming music-related Facebook groups to try and find band members.
What's God trying to tell me through all this? I'm not supposed to be in a band? That music and writing aren't where my talents really lie? I just don't fucking know anymore, guys and gals. Realistically, I have probably about a full album's worth of useable material written; some of it, I kid you not, dates back to high school. Is anyone other than Moriah and the rest of my closest friends going to hear it? Doubtful.
Maybe I should just get some recording software and make it all myself. It would probably sound like crap, and reek of desperation, but at least I could temporarily alleviate this feeling of complete futility.
In positive news, classes are going really well. My jobs are both bringing in the cash while being a lot of fun. Next semester I'm going to co-host TV10's music show, which means I can spread the gospel of ROCK farther on this campus.
And I have a girlfriend who loves me. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining about all of this stuff. Being loved is more important than people give it credit for.