this sucks...
i slept over jackies because i wasnt allowed to come home since id be home alone with my bipolar brother. it was fun i went there after the dentist. i have to get braces becasue i have spaces in my teeth and when my wisdom teeth grow in theyll either make my teeth cooked or push em close so i was like ehh we'll just get them now so i dont need em latter. yeah so when i was there julia called me to chill with her ashley mark and nick. me and jackie where really hyper and they were just hmm we'll just say hyper too. mark kept taking pictures of all of us and i got mad and tryed to chase him down to get the camera but it didnt work. then me and jackie talked on the computer and watched a movie. good movie it made me want to go home and hug my parents, very heartfelt or whatever you call it. well nick was suppoed to call me and jackie at 12 and i woke up at liek 11 30, nick never called and i let jackie sleep. she slept untill 2. lol. i was getting bored but i didnt really feel like moving anyway. then we hung out around her house and i made plans with greg hayley and karissa for them all to come to my house and swim because summers almost over i dont wanna just chill. my mom wasnt calling to tell me shes on her way home from work to pick me up and it was like 4 30 and she gets out at 3 so i was getting annoyed thinking she was playing with the kids she babysits becasue one of the kids bdays is soon. well my dad came to get me and handed me a number and said call your mom and i was liks i did her phones off and he said it wasnt her cell number so i asked where she was. she was in the hospital she had a minor stroke. nice way for my dad to tell me huh? well i called and she sounded good then i saw my brotehr and my dad told himmike didnt seem to care but we all went to visit untill hours where over. i got really scared like it wasnt going to be the mom she used to be. shes ok though her body still works fine she just lost a little streangth in her one side and her short term memory is bad she kept asking me and my brotehr the same questions over and over. im not sure if any of it is permant or not no one tells me theese things and i ask my mom but she lies so i dont get upset. after visiting hours my dad said he felt like he was going to be sick and my brother was going out and no one talks to me when my brother is home so i felt really alone like no one cared about me so i called julia to see if i could chill with her and her people for the night. so i got my brother to drop me off where she was and then we chilled. i did some stuff i shouldnt have done. it was worth it sort of. i was happy i still felt really alone even though i was with like 5 people, that goes along with my family not paying attention to me. i burnt my foot on purpose i wanted to see what it was like i saw people do it in movies before. then we went to super g ande julia pushed me in a cart for fun then ashley did after th boys left and she pushed me off the curb because i told her too. and each time we did it a lil harder. the last time we were trying to get me to flip over into the grass and i was in the middle of the street and a car came so i jumped out of the cart then pulled the cart on the grass with me and everyone was laughing including the lady in the car that was waiting for me to get out of her way. cool lady she was. tehn we went back to julias hous eand i was on the pool table with ashely and i fell of. i rolled off actually but i thought it was closer to the floor than it actually was. then ashley said something about sex on a pool table and how her and julia could see me doing that. everyone sees me doing this weird stuff why cant anyone see me as a sweet prude saying no to boy? thats not nice to judge me just cuz i like guys. theyre all just jealous they cant be kinky all day.lol j.p then we jumped on the trampoline and ate and played on the playground. then julias mom took me and ashley home and i had a conversation about getting spanked and cockolate cream, like chocolate but not if ya get what i mean. i thought it was funny. and i rolled down the indow to talk to people at red lights. no one ever came though. when i wanna talk to people no ones on theroad wtf. now im home. i wanan wait for my brotherto come home and party wth him. i hope he gets home im feeling a lil lonely and sad. my dads sleeping. im scared my moms not going to get better because of alll my brothers problems that wont be fixed for a while, then her and my dad are arguing saying if problems start with my bro someone has to leave us or my dad, not cool, then me im so greedy i get mad when she spends money on teh kids she babysits for becaus eim her kid bnot them and i got mad that she gave my brothe rmoney because hes older he has a job and even if he did get kicked out of teh army he should be looking for anouthe rjob hes old enouigh to work im not she should get me stuff and i knwo i stressed her out when i said that plus i complain way too much i feel like its my fault and i can help stop the fighting that goes on in this house but i dont want to get stressed or angry so i leave when i should be here trying to fix stuff. i hope my mom gets better for good and tehy put her on something because next time she might not come back as teh same mom she left as. god im scared and i feel so lonely. i feel bad too i had fun tonight but doing stuff i shouldnt be doing while my moms at a hospital and i knwo if she knew what i did shed be really upset. i need to stop for real i cant take this