Nothing's really makin' sense at all // Let's talk, let's talk

[notaphysicst]

The shift, to say the least, had gone a little bit better than it had yesterday. No one was de-aged into four years old, and there was less yelling. McCoy had been a little snappy at anyone that mentioned the shiner on his eye, he'd been called out on it, and after that things were a little less bumpy. At least he didn't break into another argument

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[rightawaydoctor]

After being assured that she was, in fact, completely back to normal and she would stay that way, Christine's day had been pretty good. McCoy had started it with an attitude, but that was no surprise since people kept mentioning the eye. They kept questioning her too, or teasing about her being a little kid twirling around the ship, but an icy glare and complete silence on her end caused people to shut up and go about their business.

She didn't know how McCoy had managed to sneak out, but she'd been busy and was sure he left after his shift ended, not before. He said he hadn't wanted to discuss things before shift, but what about now? She returned to her quarters first and changed into something more comfortable, then she sat at the computer.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander McCoy."

"Working... Lieutenant Commander McCoy is on Observation Deck #6."

Christine got up and left her room to meet him there. After a few minutes, she arrived and stood in the doorway for a minute, watching him. Finally she came up to him. "Hey

[notaphysicst]

He shifted in his seat as he sat there by the window, leaning against the table on one arm, the other hand holding the bottle in his lap. His eyes were a little glassy, red around the rims as he raised the bottle for another quick drink. It was apparent Leonard hadn't noticed her coming in until she spoke.

The CMO jumped a little, lost in his own world, his own thoughts, and looked up at her. He hadn't expected anyone to come up to this deck, let alone Christine. "Hi." He near grunted out as he relaxed in his chair. "Was I needed in Medical or somethin'?"

[rightawaydoctor]

"No," she assured quickly. "Just thought I'd come see what you were up to. See if you wanted to talk." She sat beside him without asking, so whether he wanted to talk or not, she was staying.

[notaphysicst]

Well at least he was going to get another break from Medical, but it seemed he wouldn't get the deck alone as she sat down by him. Leonard kept a grip on the neck of the bourbon bottle in his lap, but didn't pull it up for another drink now that she was there. He shifted in his seat, not really looking at her.

"Just wanted t'think more than talk." Because that was really getting him places, with the way he looked right now.

[rightawaydoctor]

She hummed in reply, then gestured towards his bottle. "What are you drinking?" Maybe he'd share. Maybe he'd have enough that soon, he'd open up to her.

[notaphysicst]

"Jack Daniels bourbon. Kept it from Georgia." He muttered a little, looking from the stars out the window down to the bottle in his lap. "Ain' gonna drink none of that replicated shit."

Leonard finally glanced over at her, looking at her for a moment before turning his attention back to the window. "Dunno what you want me t'talk about though, Christine."

[rightawaydoctor]

"Could we not do this song and dance again?" she asked, tempted to yank the bottle from his grasp. "Because you know exactly what I want to talk about and you're trying to avoid it like the plague."

[notaphysicst]

His eyes narrowed into a glare turned in her direction before he finally caved to temptation and took a quick drink from the bottle. "What, that I ain' ready to think about women in a non-professional manner after my dealings with 'em in Georgia?" He snapped just a little bit, shifting his shoulders a little bit.

[rightawaydoctor]

"What's that got to do with me? If you'll recall, you were treating me like crap while we were working together. Remember?"

[notaphysicst]

Leonard's glare didn't give for a moment, but he at least turned it away from her. He sniffed a little, feeling the slow burn of the alcohol still coursing through his system. "So, y'came down here t'yell at me on how I'm treatin' y'or something?" He bit back, shifting again in his chair.

'Good. Maybe if she gets mad at me, I'll stop thinkin' 'bout her. Maybe I'll stop thinkin' 'bout Jocelyn, too. Things'll go back to normal,how they should've been the whole time.' He thought, though he could tell it wasn't a happy tone with himself.

[rightawaydoctor]

"I'm down here to find out why you're so bothered by what happened during shore leave. So you made a mistake and wound up dancing with me without knowing it. So what? You're acting like I shot your dog or something." She slipped off her shoes and pulled her legs up beside her on the couch as she spoke.

[notaphysicst]

At first, Leonard didn't answer her. He let it stay in a tense silence for a minute or two while he compiled his thoughts and resisted the temptation to chug what was left in the glass bottle there in his hand. He didn't have to tell her nothing, and had he been completely stone cold sober, probably wouldn't have. But he was drunk, obviously, and her scolding him wasn't helping him think clearly.

"Because maybe if I treat y'like crap, maybe I won' think I like ya, and maybe I won't think so goddamn much." He finally snapped - and maybe slurred at that - out at her, not looking at her. "Because I ain' dealin' with women n' their shit an'more. Got 'nough of that in Georgia."

[rightawaydoctor]

Christine sighed, rubbing at her face. People and their issues were something she was never good at dealing with. Patients with illnesses were a breeze to cure in comparison to a bitter and jaded temperament.

"Kind of unfair to dismiss the entirely of the other sex just because of your ex-wife, isn't it?" She didn't know much of anything about the situation beyond what fellow med students gossiped about back at the Academy and what he'd told her during shore leave.

[notaphysicst]

"Ain' unfair at all." He muttered darkly, glaring at everything but her in the room now. As long as he didn't look at her things would be okay he guessed. "Y'don' know an'thin' 'bout what happened, s'y'can't say that."

He feels suddenly uncomfortable, and runs a hand roughly over his face. He thought of Jocelyn coming to him, asking when there was going to be time for her, not just time spent watching over his dying father, or running late shifts at the hospital. Things had gone to shit then, why he was expecting them not to on a starship out in the middle of nowhere was beyond him at the moment. Leonard kept that hand on his face, covering his eyes as he winced, then let out a shuddering sigh.

Fuck.

[rightawaydoctor]

"Of course I can. If I get a paper cut off a piece of paper, I don't swear off using paper for the rest of my life. And yeah, I'll probably get plenty of paper cuts, but dammit, I needed that paper for things and the cuts are worth it."

She wasn't sure if the analogy would make sense to him, drunk as he was, but it was worth a try. Beside her he shuddered, and she wondered if he was crying.

"The bottom line is, this hurts. A lot. You're hurt, I'm hurt, and I want it to not be that way anymore."

[notaphysicst]

No, he wasn't crying. Not yet, though it seemed he might. "Nob'dy e'en uses paper no more, Christine." He slurred grouchily at her, scowling down at the bottle before moving to take another drink. Or he would've taken another drink had the bottle hadn't been empty. Tonight was just full of awesome.

Leonard tried to figure out what to say, how to get out of this stupid mess he'd gotten himself into - hell, just to get coherent enough to talk about it. This is kind of how it started back then with Jocelyn, too.

'Jocelyn, Jocelyn, Jocelyn. It's been four years, get over it. Y'see what its doing here? It's putting that professional relationship you wanted at high risk.' "...I...I'm..." Leonard started, putting a knuckle up to his lips and gave the window an intent, focused gaze with his bloodshot eyes. It was obvious he was trying to spit something out, trying to explain just what the hell was going on, why he was treating his Head Nurse how he was.