[007] We must not look at goblin men, we must not buy their fruits...

[notafuckingnut]

[Video]

[Snuffle snuffle. There's a people-sized Thing covered in fur and blue skin and tusks and wearing an almost comical pair of glasses sniffing at the communicator. It pauses for a moment to prod at it with an oversized claw, then, when it beeps in protest, backs up and kind of hisses at it, showing off rows of shark teeth in the process.

Meet

Comments

[Spam]

[notafuckingnut]

[He was this.close to teeth. To bearing all of them, to striking FEAR in the hearts of fair maidens everywhere, to snatching with claws and disappearing into the...day...with nary a trace. Or...not very much of one, anyway. He was all ready to be terrifying, and then...

There was no screaming. No dulcet tones of terror, no delicious scent of fear in his nostrils, just...questions. And doe eyes. And...

This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. He blinked once, twice, cocked his head to the side to regard her bemusedly, twitched his ears in puzzlement and growled questioningly, testing, before hazarding speech in a tone that sounded as if it had been dragged over gravel and mangled horribly before being forced out between his tusks.]

No, that's impossible. I never get lost.

[A pause for consideration, and then his ears twitched and flattened, in sort of a "here goes nothing" gesture. A moment later he was bounding towards her, closing the gap in a single leap and pinning her to the ground securely with his front paws -- the better to smell you, my dear. He leaned down to regard her better (the glasses REALLY weren't helping at all, they mostly seemed to be there just to look silly), snuffling once or twice.]

But you will be soon!

[That was terrifying! Sure to get her screaming and things right off the bat. ...Right? And then he could take her to his lair and give her glittering things and then eat her later and EVERYTHING WILL BE RIGHT.]

[Spam]

[notafuckingnut]

[Introducing...? No, no, that's not how these things went. There were never any names, only snatching and everything that happened after. And also screaming. And sometimes tears. But it was a strange enough request to startle a confused growl of a response out of him, and make him retreat enough to give her some space. ...Not a lot, he wasn't about to let her run off or anything, but some.]

...Rukz...?

[Spam] - no worries! Violet it is and always has been

[notafuckingnut]

[He frowned; no, no, no, this wouldn't do at all! There was no going, not unaccompanied, anyway. He bared his teeth and growled his disapproval, shifting forward to ensure she wouldn't wiggle and get away.]

No, I can't let you. Viiiiolet.

[Awkward with oversized teeth, but he did his best.]

Pretty name. Princess name. [Tasty name, but he shouldn't say that, he'd scare her away.] See? I know you, you know me; we're not strangers anymore. So it's okay.

[He grinned hopefully. He wasn't going to eat her, noooo why would he do that?

...Not yet, anyway.]

[Spam] - XD I couldn't resist

[notafuckingnut]

[...Oof. He made a mental note to eat more...vegetables. Ugh. Okay, maybe not those, vegetables were gross. Maybe just eat more in general; he needed to be bigger, getting knocked over by the maiden he was trying to snatch wasn't exactly helpful. He scrambled to his feet and moved to be directly in her way, standing up about as tall as he could, and tried to be imposing.]

...Because.

[...Right. An explanation. He had one of those! ...Somewhere. His ears flicked in agitation as he tried to figure out what it was, something that wouldn't make her run off right away.]

Because I can't. ...It's a big forest! Lots of scary things. It isn't safe for young maidens to be wandering by themselves.

[There! That was it, that was the right one. He grinned, immensely proud of himself, like a friendly shark that just did a particularly impressive trick with a set of bicycle horns.]

[Spam]

[notafuckingnut]

Also for eating. But mostly safety.

[Some pleased nodding took place next; of course he could guide her home! ...He had no idea where she lived, but that was hardly a problem since he didn't plan on leading her to her home anyway. She hadn't specified, after all.]

Gladly!

[He positively beamed at the suggestion, with a grin that seemed to be filled with entirely too many teeth to be healthy and a look that seemed to imply he'd been hoping for just such an offer all along.]

...Which way?

[Spam] - OMG madness

[notafuckingnut]

[A solemn nod; Rukz could keep quiet, he was very good at secrets.

The goblin ushered her towards the path, eager to be off; they ran off too easily out in the open, it was better to get them in the cave quickly, then they couldn't leave. It wasn't a direct path, but he could find his way; he knew these woods as well as...well as well as he knew his own paws. There were lots of little paths along the way that connected the bigger ones, some which were hard for humans to find.

Her suggestion seemed to improve his mood further; he practically bounced in delight.]

Really? We could do that?

[And then they could play this game every day! ...For a few days, anyway, until he got tired of it. Or got too hungry. Either way, it could be fun! Catch, and release, and catch again...He got tingly just thinking about it.]

[Spam] - heeheee

[notafuckingnut]

[He does take the lead! He bounds ahead, then comes back to make sure she's following, and if he occasionally leads her down a turn that won't take them to her house, well. He's hardly about to call attention to it.]

I know the star song?

[He heard it once or twice. He doesn't really remember the words, but it sounded pretty!]

...I've never danced before though.

[Spam]

[notafuckingnut]

[Nod nod, and a toothy grin, and their surroundings are getting progressively darker and darker and less friendly as they pass into a wilder part of the woods. Rukz doesn't seem particularly bothered by this, however, since he continues to keep up the back-and-forth travel, lingering near her a little longer each time just to ensure she doesn't stray or startle.]

Yes! That one. ...I don't remember the rest of the words though. [Although he could probably hum if asked!]