Depressed and thinking
Ed’s showering and I’m done changing for the picnic, probably should write something down. I feel...terrible. I’ve done nothing but really mess up since I’ve been here. I don’t mean to go black and scare people. I wish I could control that. I just hope Mac doesn’t feel guilty about my switch, it wasn’t really her fault. It was mine. And then I ran over her. Damn, I am just a clumsy ox. I’m so glad that I didn’t hurt her badly. I wouldn’t have been able to...I don’t even want to think about it.
Didn’t mean to freak out so bad but it really hurt when Ed had to tell me he wasn’t a sorcerer. I hadn’t realized how high my hopes had been. That’s not his fault but man it was like being hit by a bus. I don’t think anyone really understands how hard this life is. I want the stuff normal fifteen year olds want and it’s not possible for me. It will never be possible. At least I’m not Kyo. My life doesn’t suck that bad in comparison.
And now I have Fuu. I like her. More than I thought I would since well, I’m trying to get over Rin and I didn’t think to look for anyone else. Okay I flirted but I always flirt, with everyone. But I really like Fuu. She makes me smile. Not sure yet how she really feels about me being an ox but at least she didn’t run screaming. And then there’s Ed, wow, talk about head over heels in lust. I’m pretty sure this is all one way but what’s a guy to do? I’m just hoping this isn’t all rebound junk from Rin...I want something that’s real. I want...I need to feel loved. Life’s too lonely without it.
Didn’t mean to freak out so bad but it really hurt when Ed had to tell me he wasn’t a sorcerer. I hadn’t realized how high my hopes had been. That’s not his fault but man it was like being hit by a bus. I don’t think anyone really understands how hard this life is. I want the stuff normal fifteen year olds want and it’s not possible for me. It will never be possible. At least I’m not Kyo. My life doesn’t suck that bad in comparison.
And now I have Fuu. I like her. More than I thought I would since well, I’m trying to get over Rin and I didn’t think to look for anyone else. Okay I flirted but I always flirt, with everyone. But I really like Fuu. She makes me smile. Not sure yet how she really feels about me being an ox but at least she didn’t run screaming. And then there’s Ed, wow, talk about head over heels in lust. I’m pretty sure this is all one way but what’s a guy to do? I’m just hoping this isn’t all rebound junk from Rin...I want something that’s real. I want...I need to feel loved. Life’s too lonely without it.