blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH
here i am....
for the first time
in a new place....
ive never been here before....
but i recognize it to be the peace of mind ive always dreamed of.
i knew i would be happy paying my own bills, being independent, living in my own place, doing everything for myself. but i did all that... and i wasnt happy. it didnt seem to make a damn bit of difference. then i got on medication. who knew!?! i resisted and resisted, insisting i could "do it myself". yeah... fix my own brain... suuuuuure. anyways... things havn't ever felt so good to me. i'm in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing, and i talk to no one, but thats ok. i like myself enough to hang out with me all the time. i quit drinking, after my bout with alcoholizm. i quit smoking weed... and i exercise almost every day, walking four miles (two miles uphill) or doing intense power yoga. for the first time, i dont feel afraid to talk to people because i have nothing good to say. i have everything good to say... everything good ive always WANTED to say, but never could. reading those old journals.... seeing the twisted pain and torment... seeing thru those old eyes where i wanted to be, and now finally being there...... well... it sure feels nice.
i might go lay on the grass in the sun today...
:)
for the first time
in a new place....
ive never been here before....
but i recognize it to be the peace of mind ive always dreamed of.
i knew i would be happy paying my own bills, being independent, living in my own place, doing everything for myself. but i did all that... and i wasnt happy. it didnt seem to make a damn bit of difference. then i got on medication. who knew!?! i resisted and resisted, insisting i could "do it myself". yeah... fix my own brain... suuuuuure. anyways... things havn't ever felt so good to me. i'm in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing, and i talk to no one, but thats ok. i like myself enough to hang out with me all the time. i quit drinking, after my bout with alcoholizm. i quit smoking weed... and i exercise almost every day, walking four miles (two miles uphill) or doing intense power yoga. for the first time, i dont feel afraid to talk to people because i have nothing good to say. i have everything good to say... everything good ive always WANTED to say, but never could. reading those old journals.... seeing the twisted pain and torment... seeing thru those old eyes where i wanted to be, and now finally being there...... well... it sure feels nice.
i might go lay on the grass in the sun today...
:)