Jonestown
Read this first.
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OK, so would I go to Jonestown? Yes. Why? To remind me that I have so much to be thankful for. Although I "drank the kool-aid" at least I'm still alive. I have the opportunity to prevent things like this from happening to someone else. And help heal those who have found themselves or a loved one caught up in a cult. We have to take the power back from people like Jones and Amy. They cannot have power over us unless we give them permission. And I revoke my permission for Amy to control me any longer. I refuse to be afraid of what she might say or do. I will no longer fear the fandom, the BagEnders, or anyone else and what they think. I refuse to live with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment. I won't do it any more. And I won't let her ruin any more relationships before they even start. One of my therapists talked to me today (1st meeting) about how I have my heart hiding in Fort Knox. It's true. I've been so afraid of trusting anyone with my emotions. Even when I tell people "deep" stuff, it's with the expectation that there will be negative repercussions. So I steel myself beforehand. I almost do it with a "bring it on" rebellious kind of attitude. Not exactly something I want to bring into any possible future relationships, you know?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
OK, so would I go to Jonestown? Yes. Why? To remind me that I have so much to be thankful for. Although I "drank the kool-aid" at least I'm still alive. I have the opportunity to prevent things like this from happening to someone else. And help heal those who have found themselves or a loved one caught up in a cult. We have to take the power back from people like Jones and Amy. They cannot have power over us unless we give them permission. And I revoke my permission for Amy to control me any longer. I refuse to be afraid of what she might say or do. I will no longer fear the fandom, the BagEnders, or anyone else and what they think. I refuse to live with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment. I won't do it any more. And I won't let her ruin any more relationships before they even start. One of my therapists talked to me today (1st meeting) about how I have my heart hiding in Fort Knox. It's true. I've been so afraid of trusting anyone with my emotions. Even when I tell people "deep" stuff, it's with the expectation that there will be negative repercussions. So I steel myself beforehand. I almost do it with a "bring it on" rebellious kind of attitude. Not exactly something I want to bring into any possible future relationships, you know?