Stupidity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!!!!!!
I did the most stupid thing anyone could ever do, and i have no one to blame but myself. Ill start at with day one thiers this boy well call him "Eric" (not his real name of course) any way go back to 5th grade when we were all kids well eric had a crush on this girl in his class me of course but anyway i hated eric with a passion i coulndt stand him at all he asked me out and i ran the other way i hated him like actual hate. so anyway he still liked me for many many years well me being a dumb ignored him until 9th grade this is y i hate and love high school. Well i finally fell for the stupid boy aka eric we didnt hook up officially until the end of the year but we still flirted heavily and dated so anyway it counts to me. well we were fine i broke up with him 2 weeks later for someone else didnt work out then i went to someone else he moved so i went back to eric bitch i know i know but oh well cant change the past wish i could though but he took me back. Then the worst thing happened i fell in love with the bastard and i thought he loved me too i was sure he did well summer of our sophomore year we had just passed to being jrs it was about september when this happend the year had already started and we were closer then ever we had just gotten back together two days later he tells me thiers someone else. me heart broken cry eyes out then he tells me he doesnt know who he wants so i let him dangle me on a string for a good while then i get sick and tired of it and leave him or just leave not sure i really left him. so any ways hes with the other girl liz and they break up eventually so he calls me a few months later and of course since im so in love i take him back so we get back togther then to top it off he does it again and again each time i forgive him cuz i love him and im stupid remember i dont know shit youd think i would have learned rite nope i never did i still havnt. well anyway sr year comes he moves away at xmas im still heart broken and never got over him well hes leaves with out saying goodbye the only reason i found out he was moving was one of his x told me and she also told me when he left i know jerk but still. im still sad and now its beyond pathetic but oh well thats my life but it gets better. i still think of him he went to ohio for college i went to san antonio i wanted to go to ohio but didnt get enough money to. im miserable in SA and all my friends and him are in ohio so i want to transfer my sophomore year which is this new fall semester 2005 so i started to talk to all my old buddies on line from ohio all the ones that left. well they gave me erics screen name today so i could talk to him well me being me i did of course as i said stupid well we talked about stupid things nothing in particular just random shit that no one cares about like cheese and fish i know were stupid i get it but anyway i made a dumb comment about him that he should be wtih his girlfriend instead of being home watching tv of course i was fishing but still hes not suppose to know that even if it was obvious but he caught it and he got all huffy so i was like fine just drop it i dont really care but he kept going on about it so i was like well now i want to know since you wont let it go he was like no so i said fine and ignored him for a while. now i was trying to get my other friend his friend to tell me if he was seeing someone but he wouldnt and i got mad cuz he wouldnt tell me which i know i shouldnt cuz its not his place to tell me but still its not fair. since neither of them would tell me and eric got really ticked off and i know him well even if he says he changed he always has someone so i couldnt help it the tears came on thier own damn tear ducts anyway i hadnt thought he would still affect me its been almost a year since i saw or talked to him how the hell am i suppose to go to ohio live in the same place he is hang with the same ppl he does and not break down everytime. i dont think i can do it i know i cant but i really want to go i miss my friends i hate it here i have no one not one single person i can talk to plus one of my buds in ohio is really loosing it and he needs someone or me it seems. its not fair i wanted to go out of state it was my dream he wanted to stay in state (eric) and its the other way around now. I dont know why i torture my self with things like this. too upset to care about spell check