Get it out, put it in a journal

[notacrnflkgirl]

I never know, anymore, when my dad says something offensive and I am just not having it and I turn to yell at him-my voice loud and unclear and stumbling and not backing down-at whom I'm yelling. Because whenever he makes a gay joke and expects me to laugh-when he says, and I quote, "Cut, starve, I don't care," he turns into

• Everyman
• who ever slowed down to catcall and sped away in his car
• who ever approached me on the street and was a little too forward¹
• who ever approached me and was a little too forward in another setting (e.g. in somebody's smoky kitchen at somebody's smoky party or in somebody else's chemistry classroom)

I do not hate men. I hate a culture of "boys will be boys." A culture that places the emphasis on women's self-defense classes, thereby shifting responsibility for preventing violence against women off the shoulders of the potential perpetrators and onto those of their potential victims when it could, say, promote Men Can Stop Rape instead.² Just a thought, society.

It's demeaning to women and men alike to push the YOU ARE ONE MISSTEP AWAY FROM BEING ATTACKED!/IF IT WEREN'T FOR WILLPOWER, YOU'D BE RAPING WOMEN LEFT AND RIGHT! fear dynamic on us.

Where was I?

• Everymentalhealthprofessional
• who ever discouraged my learning about my conditions on my own (it's called informed consent, you douches)
• who ever eyed me with confusion, fear, or disdain when I came out to them
• who ever suggested that my lesbianism would present a problem in my treatment (I'm looking at you, Four Winds Saratoga)

I do not know where I'm going with this entry. It's time to stop posting, Catherine.

ETA: "My, Catherine is rant-y and rave-y!" Catherine took 400 mg of caffeine and reread "Lesbian's brutal gang rape investigated in Calif." (obviously, TRIGGER WARNING).

¹"Was a little too forward," i.e. sexually harassed me.
²I am well-aware that women can rape.