So Sunday....
ok....
sooo...
first thing he did was apologize for not showing up when he said he would. (check one, he at least showed up in person and at least first thing he did was give me a sincere apology. At least he's not COMPLETELY stupid)
he said this whole thing about dating and how he's dated this past year but that he hasnt started a relationship in a long time...(WOAH...realtionship?? woah.)
and then he said that he really really likes me and wants to really know me
and then he said that he thinks maybe I need more time to get over Jerry (????)
and then he says that wants to get to know me more slowly because he thinks that I might need time to get over jerry without my even knowing it.
So- I got mad and told him that I really dont need him making my decisions for me and that he's got no reason on the face of this planet to be deciding for me if I am "over" Jerry or not and that I would prefer that he uhh, maybe talk to me about it rather than just randomly decide on his own- and then I got all flustered and worried and was like "unless you are trying to find an easy excuse to get out of this, in which case, please just tell me that you think this is not for you, dont try to blame it on me and a previous relationship"
so he gets all upset and tells me thats not it at all.
Then I pointed out that if he wished to get to "know" me- I really couldnt think of a worse way to do it than by breaking a date, and then not showing up on Sunday morning...and he said he was sorry again, and he was being selfish, blah blah blah
but then he says, well you know, we havent talked about what we want out of this.
Holy shit dudes-
this is the first time I have had a relationship talk where "what I want out of this" was part of the convo.
Honestly...I didnt know how to answer...I mean...what DO I want out of him?
I want to know that he likes me for me...not for a pretty face...
I want him to...call me? Yes...but no. I want him to really talk to me- but I didnt know how to describe that
so I ended up falling back on what I really just want in general.
I told him I want a best friend.
I want a soul mate that knows me and accepts me, and really loves all of me.
and I think he understood...
and then he told me that he was telling his mother about me.
Interesting.
hes more stereotypical, I think maybe, and doesnt tell mom unless theres something up.
So- he was either looking for advice to get rid of me, or looking for advice on how to deal with me...
who knows.
So...I also told him that I keep my distance a little and try not to tell him too much because I dont want to scare him away...and he laughed and told me that he doesnt call because he is afraid that I'll get annoyed with him or that I am too busy.
Two peas in a pod, eh?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
This is such an interesting place to be in.
I am choosing to stick this one out a little further. I still intend to just go have my fun and enjoy him when he's around...but Im just too damnd curious to find out where this will go.
Its so weird because part of me is like "this is just way too fucking good to be true- get the hell out and get out fast"....and another part of me is like "this dude genuinely likes you- nothing good comes fast, give it time".
Weird weird weird.
So we ended up going to universal, and then we watched the second half of the lakers game (which, I was really happy that somebody took it upon themselves to take me under their wing and invite me and explain what the hell was going on). And it was nice. I mean, really.
So...after talking around...several guy friends who have been through intense long term relationships and then had a big break up have told me that he's just trying to tell me that its weird as hell to be starting from scratch again....and they've also told me that he's going to go hide in his little mental man cave on me a lot at first.
So what do I think of all of this?
Yesterday I felt really good when we were done talking. I felt like I knew what the fuck was going on.
today - some really negative thoughts got into my head about waht he's "really" saying....aka- maybe what hes really trying to say is that he wants to see other people and jsut simply get to know me and have some seriously steamy make-out sessions?....
I have to watch out for that...seems like my head jumps to those negative conclusions a lot - especially when I start looking into things...
I must remember to take what he says at face value.
Its hard sometimes- he doesnt have the vocabulary that we all do- so where a lot of other times Id be reading the way that somebody said it...I cant with him, because he doesnt have all of those options, so he's really just got to come right out and say it as simply as possible...
ugh.
Its all soooo challenging, and interesting.
at any rate- Sunday ended with a really outstanding and magnificent kiss, and some of the best hugs I've ever had.
You know- I was certain that no one would EVER be able to hug me the way that Jared did- but, Daniel, he does that and better. Seriously...its like the guy is hugging every single piece of me when he gives me a hug. I love that.
I think its my bed time now..
I am so sure this post made little to no sense to anybody but me....watch out-- you'll be getting more of this as I digest it and figure it out.
sooo...
first thing he did was apologize for not showing up when he said he would. (check one, he at least showed up in person and at least first thing he did was give me a sincere apology. At least he's not COMPLETELY stupid)
he said this whole thing about dating and how he's dated this past year but that he hasnt started a relationship in a long time...(WOAH...realtionship?? woah.)
and then he said that he really really likes me and wants to really know me
and then he said that he thinks maybe I need more time to get over Jerry (????)
and then he says that wants to get to know me more slowly because he thinks that I might need time to get over jerry without my even knowing it.
So- I got mad and told him that I really dont need him making my decisions for me and that he's got no reason on the face of this planet to be deciding for me if I am "over" Jerry or not and that I would prefer that he uhh, maybe talk to me about it rather than just randomly decide on his own- and then I got all flustered and worried and was like "unless you are trying to find an easy excuse to get out of this, in which case, please just tell me that you think this is not for you, dont try to blame it on me and a previous relationship"
so he gets all upset and tells me thats not it at all.
Then I pointed out that if he wished to get to "know" me- I really couldnt think of a worse way to do it than by breaking a date, and then not showing up on Sunday morning...and he said he was sorry again, and he was being selfish, blah blah blah
but then he says, well you know, we havent talked about what we want out of this.
Holy shit dudes-
this is the first time I have had a relationship talk where "what I want out of this" was part of the convo.
Honestly...I didnt know how to answer...I mean...what DO I want out of him?
I want to know that he likes me for me...not for a pretty face...
I want him to...call me? Yes...but no. I want him to really talk to me- but I didnt know how to describe that
so I ended up falling back on what I really just want in general.
I told him I want a best friend.
I want a soul mate that knows me and accepts me, and really loves all of me.
and I think he understood...
and then he told me that he was telling his mother about me.
Interesting.
hes more stereotypical, I think maybe, and doesnt tell mom unless theres something up.
So- he was either looking for advice to get rid of me, or looking for advice on how to deal with me...
who knows.
So...I also told him that I keep my distance a little and try not to tell him too much because I dont want to scare him away...and he laughed and told me that he doesnt call because he is afraid that I'll get annoyed with him or that I am too busy.
Two peas in a pod, eh?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
This is such an interesting place to be in.
I am choosing to stick this one out a little further. I still intend to just go have my fun and enjoy him when he's around...but Im just too damnd curious to find out where this will go.
Its so weird because part of me is like "this is just way too fucking good to be true- get the hell out and get out fast"....and another part of me is like "this dude genuinely likes you- nothing good comes fast, give it time".
Weird weird weird.
So we ended up going to universal, and then we watched the second half of the lakers game (which, I was really happy that somebody took it upon themselves to take me under their wing and invite me and explain what the hell was going on). And it was nice. I mean, really.
So...after talking around...several guy friends who have been through intense long term relationships and then had a big break up have told me that he's just trying to tell me that its weird as hell to be starting from scratch again....and they've also told me that he's going to go hide in his little mental man cave on me a lot at first.
So what do I think of all of this?
Yesterday I felt really good when we were done talking. I felt like I knew what the fuck was going on.
today - some really negative thoughts got into my head about waht he's "really" saying....aka- maybe what hes really trying to say is that he wants to see other people and jsut simply get to know me and have some seriously steamy make-out sessions?....
I have to watch out for that...seems like my head jumps to those negative conclusions a lot - especially when I start looking into things...
I must remember to take what he says at face value.
Its hard sometimes- he doesnt have the vocabulary that we all do- so where a lot of other times Id be reading the way that somebody said it...I cant with him, because he doesnt have all of those options, so he's really just got to come right out and say it as simply as possible...
ugh.
Its all soooo challenging, and interesting.
at any rate- Sunday ended with a really outstanding and magnificent kiss, and some of the best hugs I've ever had.
You know- I was certain that no one would EVER be able to hug me the way that Jared did- but, Daniel, he does that and better. Seriously...its like the guy is hugging every single piece of me when he gives me a hug. I love that.
I think its my bed time now..
I am so sure this post made little to no sense to anybody but me....watch out-- you'll be getting more of this as I digest it and figure it out.