Bits and Pieces: Where it all Began
Title: Where it all Began
Summary: Daniel recalls Jack’s accident with horrifying clarity.
Timeframe: Pre-Changes
Characters/Pairing: Jack, Team, established Daniel/Janet
Genre: Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: T
Started: July-3-2011 Finished: Aug-1-2011
Where it all Began
Daniel didn’t know why, but for some reason today all he could think about was the day Jack O’Neill’s world-and his own-had been turned upside down. Maybe it was because he overheard a couple of passing scientists discussing some alien weapons discovered off-world, or maybe it was because Jack had thrown a fit during lunch, spilling his pasta and getting red sauce all over himself in the process. The sight was a horrifying reminder to Daniel of the bloody mess he’d found his friend in months ago. It was probably a combination of those two things, he thought ruefully.
With Jack already on his way home with Teal’c for the night, Janet still on base, and Cassie sleeping over at a friend’s house, Daniel was left alone to relax for the first time in a long while. He kicked his shoes off inside the door and wearily dragged himself off to bed, hoping to sleep and get his mind off of the past events that had been plaguing him all day.
.
The dry heat of the planet was oppressive, making everything including breathing uncomfortable. Daniel resisted the urge to remove his desert camo team jacket as Jack and Teal’c had done, concerned that his fair skin would burn under the hot sun. He walked along, listening to Dr. Chesnik blather on about his discoveries, but Daniel wasn’t interested in the technology as much as the history behind it. He thought of Sam, knowing she’d be right there with Chesnik if she were with them.
Daniel frowned momentarily, his thoughts going out to his absent friend, then his gaze swept around the site, seeking out the archaeologist among the researchers, Dr. Marcone. He noticed Jack striding toward the ‘lab’ tent, probably to bug the scientists and check on their progress. Daniel knew Jack couldn’t wait until SG-6 came to relieve them of their duties. His friend had been quite miserable today, even more so than he’d been lately.
Ever since Sam had left for that Tok’ra mission with her father, Jack hadn’t been himself. To be honest, he’d been a miserable son-of-a-bitch, especially when they were off-world. He’d grumbled about Hammond wanting to stick them with a temporary replacement until she was back from the mission, but Daniel didn’t think that was what had really been bothering Jack. He knew better. Jack and Sam had developed a strong bond over the few years they’d been together so far, and Daniel was sure it had really started after they’d been trapped alone in Antarctica and nearly died. He would even dare to think they actually loved each other, but would never say as much to either of them. Because of restrictions placed upon them due to their military status, Jack and Sam would most likely deny it. Jack missed her, and was probably worried sick that something might happen without him there to watch her back.
That last thought made Daniel a little sad, and when he turned around, realized that Dr. Marcone was making his way into the lab tent while Jack was just stepping out. Pivoting, his movement kicking up dry dust, Daniel held up in arm in a wave and called out to his colleague, ditching Dr. Chesnik without thought. “Doctor! Doctor Marcone!”
He’d taken exactly two steps toward the tent when he heard the sharp fizzle of energy followed by a loud bang. The concussion of the blast nearly knocked him off his feet. There were a few short, agonized screams, and he staggered slightly as he witnessed Jack being thrown to the ground, struck by debris and crackling energy.
“JACK!” Daniel scrambled toward his unmoving friend, his heart hammering away in his chest, fear nearly paralyzing him. He managed to compose himself enough to grab for his radio as he neared Jack. “TEAL’C! There’s been some kind of explosion in the lab tent! You need to get to the gate and bring back a medical team! There are at least three casualties!”
Behind him, Chesnik had turned around and ran for what was left of the tent, screaming the names of the two scientists that had been inside.
Coming to a halt when he reached Jack, Daniel felt himself start to shake. His friend was sprawled face down in the dirt, his right side covered in blood from the waist up, bits of glistening metal poking out of him through the tac vest. Daniel sunk to his knees and shakily reached out for his friend’s neck to check for a pulse. One side of Jack’s head was slick with blood that ran down the side of his neck. As Daniel leaned over to see the grisly injury, he thought he might be sick. There was a chunk of gleaming shrapnel sticking out of the side of his friend’s head above his ear.
“Oh God,” he gasped, still struggling to find a pulse. He moved his fingers carefully, now slick with Jack’s blood. There! He’d found it. Jack’s pulse felt weak and fast, but it was there.
“They’re dead! They’re dead!”
Daniel glanced up long enough to see a half-screaming, half-sobbing Dr. Chesnik staggering out of the shredded lab tent, his face white as a sheet. “Wh-what?” Daniel spluttered, one hand still in contact with Jack’s neck.
“Marcone a-and Lewis… They-they’re dead.” Chesnik stumbled to a halt by Jack’s feet, his mouth gaping open as he stared down at the bloody mess of a man in shock. “I-is he…too?”
“No, he’s still alive,” Daniel choked out, feeling tears in his eyes. “Barely. Teal’c…was walking the perimeter… He-he’s gone for help.”
Chesnik nodded numbly and sunk to his knees where he stood.
Daniel hesitantly returned his attention to Jack. His best friend was bleeding all over the place and he didn’t know what to do, afraid to touch him or move him at all. Part of his brief field medical training told him that he should put pressure on the wounds, but with all the shrapnel poking out, he didn’t want to push it deeper and make things worse. Instead, he did nothing put pray that help arrived soon and Jack could be saved.
.
Daniel remained at Jack’s side as the medics came led by Teal’c, stabilizing Jack as best as they could before strapping him carefully to a special field gurney and getting him to the gate. Another team would return to retrieve the bodies of the scientists that had been killed.
He felt like he was in a haze as they returned to Earth and his booted feet hit the metal grating of the ramp. He was shaky, numb. As soon as Janet approached, she took one look at him and instructed a couple of her orderlies to get him and Dr. Chesnik to the infirmary while she disappeared with Jack.
Daniel barely remembered getting to the infirmary and sitting down on one of the beds. In the back of his mind he knew he was in shock. It didn’t matter though, because his best friend was dying and he was no longer with him.
A nurse was checking him over and giving him a mild sedative when he looked up with confusion and mumbled, “Teal’c?” He felt like he needed the Jaffa’s steady presence right now.
“He’s in the observation room above the operating theater, Dr. Jackson,” the nurse checking his blood pressure said softly.
“Jack?” he croaked, pulling off his glasses as the tears stung his eyes.
“Yes, sir. Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Warner are with him now in the OR. I can have one of them come talk to you when they’re able if you want?”
Daniel nodded shakily. “Please. Janet.” When had he become reduced to single word sentences?
The nurse’s comforting hand momentarily rested on his shoulder. “Okay, Doctor Jackson. I’ll have Dr. Fraiser come talk to you as soon as she can. You’re free to go now, sir.”
Getting off the bed, Daniel stared blankly at his hands. They were stained a pinkish-red with Jack’s blood. Oh God, he was going to throw up. Clamping down on the urge to lose his last meal, Daniel gritted his teeth and walked away, heading for the locker room.
.
After his shower and change into clean BDUs, Daniel couldn’t bring himself to go into the observation room. He sat outside on the floor, waiting for Teal’c. He knew the General would be looking for him to give a debriefing, but he didn’t want to talk about it right now. It was too soon. He really didn’t want to think about what had just happened back there. Oh God, what if Jack didn’t make it? What was he going to say to Sam when she got back?
Tucking his knees into his chest, Daniel leaned over and buried his face in his arms. He wasn’t sure he wanted to face the world again if Jack didn’t survive.
“Daniel Jackson,” the deep, steady voice and hand on his shoulder made the archaeologist jerk his head up, blinking blearily at his friend.
“Teal’c,” he breathed out, glancing at his wristwatch to find that three hours had gone by since he’d slumped on the floor outside the observation room. “Is Jack out of surgery yet?” Daniel pulled himself to his feet.
The Jaffa shook his head grimly. “He is not. Doctors Fraiser and Warner have completed the removal of shrapnel and repair along O’Neill’s torso. Doctor Fraiser has requested the assistance of a specialist to complete the procedure dealing with the damage to O’Neill’s skull.”
Daniel’s gaze shifted, distracted with worry. For a long moment he stood there, staring blankly at the door to the observation room, still afraid to go inside and actually witness what they were doing to Jack down there. He was afraid. Afraid that if he saw Jack so near death that that would be the last he saw of him. Daniel didn’t want that image burned into his memory. The sight of Jack lying in a bloody heap on that planet had been bad enough. He definitely didn’t want to see his best friend with his head being cut into.
“Would you like to go in, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c gestured at the door.
Cringing at the thought, Daniel turned around, shaking his head. “N-no,” he muttered shakily, feeling his hands trembling and shoving them into the pockets of his clean BDUs. “I-I can’t.”
“It is understandable, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c intoned with steady understanding.
Leaning back against the wall, Daniel clenched his eyes shut, his hands balled into fists. A part of him felt like he should go in there, because if Jack didn’t make it, at least he would get to see him one last time, as gruesome as the sight was going to be.
Decision made, Daniel pushed away from the wall and pulled open the door to the observation room. He looked down through the glass, and immediately felt the bile rise up his throat. The doctor was carefully removing the hunk of shrapnel that had been imbedded in his best friend’s skull. The gleaming metal was slick with blood as they took it out with great care, and Daniel thought he was going to be sick. No, he knew he was going to be sick.
Bolting before the door had even closed behind him, Daniel dashed passed Teal’c and down the hall for the nearest bathroom, where he promptly tossed his cookies.
.
The next time he saw Jack, his friend was out of surgery and on a bed in the ICU. It had been several hours later, and Daniel no longer knew what day it was, or even the time. He vaguely remembered meeting Jack’s neurosurgeon/neurologist, Dr. Elissa Carlysle. Janet, Teal’c, and even General Hammond were all there as well as they went in to see Jack.
Daniel clenched his jaw to keep himself from crying when he saw his best friend lying so still and lifeless in that hospital bed. Jack was an incredible tangle of wires and tubes, just a towel stretched across his hips to preserve his modesty. Dr. Carlysle explained that it was better for his brain to keep him cool. His right side was swathed in bandages from the shrapnel wounds, and there was a thick patch of gauze over the surgical site on the right side of his head. Jack’s head had been completely shaved, and there were even monitors and drains sticking out from his skull. Daniel felt like retching again.
Janet’s eyes were moist as she reached for his hand and looked into his eyes as though they were the only two people in the room. Out of all of them, he knew he was the most distressed; he’d been the one to see Jack first. “How…” Daniel’s voice was choked and dry. He cleared his throat and attempted to compose himself. Janet squeezed his hands. It helped. “How bad is it?”
“Thankfully, the shrapnel wounds to his side didn’t go very deep and cause any real damage. The fact that he had his tactical vest on helped,” Janet began softly, addressing Teal’c and the General as well. Her lips pursed briefly, and she took in a deep breath, glancing minutely at Jack’s still form. “Right now the Colonel’s in a coma, which is probably the best thing for him at this time.” She let go of Daniel’s hands. “Other than the shrapnel which pierced his skull, the alien energy from the explosion seems to have caused significant brain damage.”
Daniel’s mind pretty much stopped working altogether at those last words. “B-brain damage?” he stuttered out.
It took an obvious effort for Janet to continue. “We aren’t able to determine what that means exactly at this point, and all we can really do right now is monitor him closely.” Janet turned and gestured toward her patient. “We’re keeping a very close eye on the monitors that are keeping track of the pressure in his brain. There’s a lot of swelling right now, and while the bleeding was controlled in surgery, there’s a chance the Colonel could suffer another bleed, and he’s not out of the woods yet. The next few days are going to be crucial.”
Daniel felt as though his legs had turned to spaghetti, and the next thing he knew, Teal’c was lowering him into a chair, and then General Hammond’s heavy hand fell on his shoulder.
“It’ll be alright, son.”
Looking at Jack now, Daniel didn’t really believe him.
.
When Jack finally surfaced from his coma, Daniel immediately knew that his friend was not the same. He and Teal’c had spent over a week at their friend’s bedside, and were relieved the moment Jack had opened his eyes. But the relief had been short-lived.
Jack had been off the ventilator for a little while, but still, he didn’t speak. Janet reminded Daniel that speech may be one of the things he would have to learn to do all over again.
“Jack? Can you hear me?” Daniel asked, but Jack only turned his head in his direction, focusing on him briefly before moving on to something else, seemingly disinterested.
Jack didn’t stay awake for long. For several hours he surfaced for short periods of time and then went back to sleep.
The next day he stayed awake a little longer before drifting away again. Daniel spent the most time at Jack’s bedside other than Janet. He picked up his friend’s cool, limp hand. “Jack, squeeze my hand,” he instructed determinedly.
Jack’s fingers merely twitched before he fell back to sleep.
A while later Daniel tried again. “Come on, Jack. Squeeze my hand.”
This time, he did. Jack’s fingers weakly clenched around Daniel’s hand, and the archaeologist whooped and cheered, his face beaming. Jack fell asleep again and he ran to tell Janet what their friend had accomplished.
A few more days passed, and Jack progressed slowly. He never tried to talk, only making grunts or moans, and occasionally screaming or wailing. He hated most people touching him, with Daniel, Teal’c, and Janet being the few exceptions. And even then, it took some time for him to accept them.
Every time he needed a new dressing, a tube placement or monitor checked, removed, adjusted, or changed, he threw a fit. Jack’s movements were very uncoordinated, and he couldn’t sit up, so he just thrashed around. Usually the thrashing fits ended with Jack moaning and sometimes even crying. Janet told Daniel that he was hurting the wounds on his side, and he almost constantly looked as though he were in pain.
Sometimes Daniel felt guilty for sitting at Jack’s bedside and just hoping that his friend would be his old self again.
.
The day that Jack suffered a seizure, Daniel nearly had a heart attack. Janet was showing him how to hook Jack’s food bag up to the feeding tube when a gasping groan came from Jack and the monitors all began screeching. After that, Jack’s body began it’s violent jerking and flailing.
Janet had to tranquilize him to get the seizure to stop, and then she and a nurse whisked Jack away for a CT scan. It had been the third most terrifying moment in Daniel’s life; the first was seeing his parents get killed, and the second was when he’d found Jack after the explosion.
When they brought Jack back to his regular room, Daniel spent hours at his bedside waiting for him to wake up. When he finally did, he still had the same mostly-vacant look on his face, intermixed with flashes of confusion and pain.
Later, after talking awhile with Jack’s neurologist, Daniel learned many things about the stages that brain-injured people went through during the recovery process. She told him about a disinhibition phase that many patients went through, where they said or did whatever popped into their heads. She also explained to him that some patients experienced the complete opposite. Jack, Daniel found out, had the opposite. He didn’t speak or do much; he was very withdrawn into himself, seemingly unaware of almost everything.
Dr. Carlysle warned Daniel that it might change once Jack recovered more and regained some mobility, maybe even his speech. Daniel didn’t think so. He called it Jack’s chronic catatonic phase.
.
Putting down the book he’d been reading while visiting with Jack for a few hours, Daniel swiveled in his chair and smiled a little as Janet entered the room. “Hey,” he greeted her warmly, standing up.
Janet approached him wordlessly and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest.
“Janet?” Daniel asked worriedly, feeling as though something may be seriously wrong with his friend who was lying asleep not two feet away.
“Everything’s fine,” she assured him quickly. “I was just talking to Cassie about Jack and I…I needed a hug.”
Daniel leaned back, his brows furrowed. He wasn’t used to Janet breaking down at all; she was the confident, unflappable doctor. “What happened?”
Janet frowned. “She’s upset. I still don’t want her seeing Jack quite yet.” She glanced over at her patient and friend. “He’s still got so many tubes and wires right now and…I think it will be too scary for her.”
“Cassie’s a strong kid, Janet. Don’t underestimate her. She witnessed everyone on her entire planet-including her parents-get wiped out by disease.” Daniel tried to reason. He knew how much Jack meant to Cassie and vice versa. Maybe letting her see Jack would be a good thing.
She swallowed audibly and sighed. “I know she’s strong, Daniel, but she shouldn’t have to… Cassie adores Jack. I don’t know how she’s going to feel seeing him like this, if she’ll understand that he probably won’t ever be that Jack that she’s known for the last few years.”
Daniel nodded with understanding. He looked at Jack again. “He’s been doing pretty good today. No fits or anything. Today would be a good day to bring her in.”
Finally relenting, Janet bowed her head in acceptance. She busied herself by moving around Jack’s bed, checking his monitors, fluid intake and output as well as his vitals. She gently ran her fingers through his short hair where there were no bandages. It was slowly starting to grow back and in a fuzzy phase. Jack made a noise, opening his eyes, and Janet smiled. “Today,” she said. “After his lunch. He’ll be sleepy then, and quiet.”
“Good.” Daniel smiled back at her, watched Jack’s eyes shift to Janet, then to him, then to the wall. Whatever happened from here on out, he was going to be there for Jack, that was a fact.
.
Daniel woke up with tears in his eyes and quickly batted them away, sitting up in bed. He glanced sideways, seeking Janet’s comfort, but she wasn’t there. She still wasn’t home from the base.
Getting out of bed, Daniel lumbered toward the bathroom to splash some water on his face, still thinking about his dream. It wasn’t a dream, not really. It was a memory. A memory of the first few weeks after Jack’s accident.
He got to the sink, soaked his face, then walked out of the room. Daniel felt like he really needed to go see Jack, like it would help soothe him knowing that his friend was okay. Well, Jack wasn’t okay okay, but he was better, a lot better than they ever expected him to get, in fact, and still improving. Despite his continued difficulties with communication, speech, coordination, and other areas, Jack was progressing spectacularly considering the severity of his brain injury. Daniel had some hope left in him.
By the time he’d thrown on some clothes and grabbed his car keys, the sound of the front door opening halted his progress. Janet walked in, giving him a puzzled look.
“Daniel? Where are you going?” She must have noticed the slightly distressed look on his face because her eyes were shining with concern.
“I-“ Daniel halted, suddenly feeling foolish, his own mind claiming his need to go see Jack in the middle of the night was ridiculous. He put his keys back on the counter and stuffed his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “I wanted to check on Jack.”
Janet’s brows immediately furrowed and she looked alarmed. “Why? Did something happen? Why didn’t anybody call me?”
“No, no, no,” Daniel quickly assured her, waving his hands. “Jack’s fine.” He smiled a little. “Well, I’m pretty sure he’s fine, I just-I…I had a dream and, well I wanted to make sure.” He grimaced at how paranoid and overprotective he sounded.
Janet moved closer and touched his arm. “Teal’c might still be up. Why don’t you just call?”
Daniel frowned, then shook his head and pulled a hand through his hair. “No, it’s okay. You know what? I’ll call in the morning. I’m just…I’m just a little shaken up after the dream I had.” He made a face, loathe to admit a stupid dream/memory had rattled him so much. “I dreamed of Jack’s accident and the couple of weeks after.” He explained, taking a deep breath and sighing.
Janet smiled tightly at him with sympathy. She looked tired. “It’s late, Daniel. Why don’t you come to bed?”
Shoulders sagging, Daniel gave a nod. He knew it was useless worrying over Jack when he was safe at home with Teal’c. Teal’c would have called immediately if anything was wrong, and logically Daniel knew that there wasn’t. He only had the urge to see Jack alive because of the dream.
He let Janet lead him back to their bedroom and climbed back in bed after undressing again while she changed. As she slid in the bed beside him, holding him, Daniel knew he would be able to get back to sleep. Jack was fine, he kept telling himself. He’d call him and then see him in the morning.
Falling asleep, the nightmarish images of Jack’s accident receded from Daniel’s mind, allowing him to rest with only peaceful thoughts remaining in his head.
.
Summary: Daniel recalls Jack’s accident with horrifying clarity.
Timeframe: Pre-Changes
Characters/Pairing: Jack, Team, established Daniel/Janet
Genre: Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Rating: T
Started: July-3-2011 Finished: Aug-1-2011
Where it all Began
Daniel didn’t know why, but for some reason today all he could think about was the day Jack O’Neill’s world-and his own-had been turned upside down. Maybe it was because he overheard a couple of passing scientists discussing some alien weapons discovered off-world, or maybe it was because Jack had thrown a fit during lunch, spilling his pasta and getting red sauce all over himself in the process. The sight was a horrifying reminder to Daniel of the bloody mess he’d found his friend in months ago. It was probably a combination of those two things, he thought ruefully.
With Jack already on his way home with Teal’c for the night, Janet still on base, and Cassie sleeping over at a friend’s house, Daniel was left alone to relax for the first time in a long while. He kicked his shoes off inside the door and wearily dragged himself off to bed, hoping to sleep and get his mind off of the past events that had been plaguing him all day.
.
The dry heat of the planet was oppressive, making everything including breathing uncomfortable. Daniel resisted the urge to remove his desert camo team jacket as Jack and Teal’c had done, concerned that his fair skin would burn under the hot sun. He walked along, listening to Dr. Chesnik blather on about his discoveries, but Daniel wasn’t interested in the technology as much as the history behind it. He thought of Sam, knowing she’d be right there with Chesnik if she were with them.
Daniel frowned momentarily, his thoughts going out to his absent friend, then his gaze swept around the site, seeking out the archaeologist among the researchers, Dr. Marcone. He noticed Jack striding toward the ‘lab’ tent, probably to bug the scientists and check on their progress. Daniel knew Jack couldn’t wait until SG-6 came to relieve them of their duties. His friend had been quite miserable today, even more so than he’d been lately.
Ever since Sam had left for that Tok’ra mission with her father, Jack hadn’t been himself. To be honest, he’d been a miserable son-of-a-bitch, especially when they were off-world. He’d grumbled about Hammond wanting to stick them with a temporary replacement until she was back from the mission, but Daniel didn’t think that was what had really been bothering Jack. He knew better. Jack and Sam had developed a strong bond over the few years they’d been together so far, and Daniel was sure it had really started after they’d been trapped alone in Antarctica and nearly died. He would even dare to think they actually loved each other, but would never say as much to either of them. Because of restrictions placed upon them due to their military status, Jack and Sam would most likely deny it. Jack missed her, and was probably worried sick that something might happen without him there to watch her back.
That last thought made Daniel a little sad, and when he turned around, realized that Dr. Marcone was making his way into the lab tent while Jack was just stepping out. Pivoting, his movement kicking up dry dust, Daniel held up in arm in a wave and called out to his colleague, ditching Dr. Chesnik without thought. “Doctor! Doctor Marcone!”
He’d taken exactly two steps toward the tent when he heard the sharp fizzle of energy followed by a loud bang. The concussion of the blast nearly knocked him off his feet. There were a few short, agonized screams, and he staggered slightly as he witnessed Jack being thrown to the ground, struck by debris and crackling energy.
“JACK!” Daniel scrambled toward his unmoving friend, his heart hammering away in his chest, fear nearly paralyzing him. He managed to compose himself enough to grab for his radio as he neared Jack. “TEAL’C! There’s been some kind of explosion in the lab tent! You need to get to the gate and bring back a medical team! There are at least three casualties!”
Behind him, Chesnik had turned around and ran for what was left of the tent, screaming the names of the two scientists that had been inside.
Coming to a halt when he reached Jack, Daniel felt himself start to shake. His friend was sprawled face down in the dirt, his right side covered in blood from the waist up, bits of glistening metal poking out of him through the tac vest. Daniel sunk to his knees and shakily reached out for his friend’s neck to check for a pulse. One side of Jack’s head was slick with blood that ran down the side of his neck. As Daniel leaned over to see the grisly injury, he thought he might be sick. There was a chunk of gleaming shrapnel sticking out of the side of his friend’s head above his ear.
“Oh God,” he gasped, still struggling to find a pulse. He moved his fingers carefully, now slick with Jack’s blood. There! He’d found it. Jack’s pulse felt weak and fast, but it was there.
“They’re dead! They’re dead!”
Daniel glanced up long enough to see a half-screaming, half-sobbing Dr. Chesnik staggering out of the shredded lab tent, his face white as a sheet. “Wh-what?” Daniel spluttered, one hand still in contact with Jack’s neck.
“Marcone a-and Lewis… They-they’re dead.” Chesnik stumbled to a halt by Jack’s feet, his mouth gaping open as he stared down at the bloody mess of a man in shock. “I-is he…too?”
“No, he’s still alive,” Daniel choked out, feeling tears in his eyes. “Barely. Teal’c…was walking the perimeter… He-he’s gone for help.”
Chesnik nodded numbly and sunk to his knees where he stood.
Daniel hesitantly returned his attention to Jack. His best friend was bleeding all over the place and he didn’t know what to do, afraid to touch him or move him at all. Part of his brief field medical training told him that he should put pressure on the wounds, but with all the shrapnel poking out, he didn’t want to push it deeper and make things worse. Instead, he did nothing put pray that help arrived soon and Jack could be saved.
.
Daniel remained at Jack’s side as the medics came led by Teal’c, stabilizing Jack as best as they could before strapping him carefully to a special field gurney and getting him to the gate. Another team would return to retrieve the bodies of the scientists that had been killed.
He felt like he was in a haze as they returned to Earth and his booted feet hit the metal grating of the ramp. He was shaky, numb. As soon as Janet approached, she took one look at him and instructed a couple of her orderlies to get him and Dr. Chesnik to the infirmary while she disappeared with Jack.
Daniel barely remembered getting to the infirmary and sitting down on one of the beds. In the back of his mind he knew he was in shock. It didn’t matter though, because his best friend was dying and he was no longer with him.
A nurse was checking him over and giving him a mild sedative when he looked up with confusion and mumbled, “Teal’c?” He felt like he needed the Jaffa’s steady presence right now.
“He’s in the observation room above the operating theater, Dr. Jackson,” the nurse checking his blood pressure said softly.
“Jack?” he croaked, pulling off his glasses as the tears stung his eyes.
“Yes, sir. Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Warner are with him now in the OR. I can have one of them come talk to you when they’re able if you want?”
Daniel nodded shakily. “Please. Janet.” When had he become reduced to single word sentences?
The nurse’s comforting hand momentarily rested on his shoulder. “Okay, Doctor Jackson. I’ll have Dr. Fraiser come talk to you as soon as she can. You’re free to go now, sir.”
Getting off the bed, Daniel stared blankly at his hands. They were stained a pinkish-red with Jack’s blood. Oh God, he was going to throw up. Clamping down on the urge to lose his last meal, Daniel gritted his teeth and walked away, heading for the locker room.
.
After his shower and change into clean BDUs, Daniel couldn’t bring himself to go into the observation room. He sat outside on the floor, waiting for Teal’c. He knew the General would be looking for him to give a debriefing, but he didn’t want to talk about it right now. It was too soon. He really didn’t want to think about what had just happened back there. Oh God, what if Jack didn’t make it? What was he going to say to Sam when she got back?
Tucking his knees into his chest, Daniel leaned over and buried his face in his arms. He wasn’t sure he wanted to face the world again if Jack didn’t survive.
“Daniel Jackson,” the deep, steady voice and hand on his shoulder made the archaeologist jerk his head up, blinking blearily at his friend.
“Teal’c,” he breathed out, glancing at his wristwatch to find that three hours had gone by since he’d slumped on the floor outside the observation room. “Is Jack out of surgery yet?” Daniel pulled himself to his feet.
The Jaffa shook his head grimly. “He is not. Doctors Fraiser and Warner have completed the removal of shrapnel and repair along O’Neill’s torso. Doctor Fraiser has requested the assistance of a specialist to complete the procedure dealing with the damage to O’Neill’s skull.”
Daniel’s gaze shifted, distracted with worry. For a long moment he stood there, staring blankly at the door to the observation room, still afraid to go inside and actually witness what they were doing to Jack down there. He was afraid. Afraid that if he saw Jack so near death that that would be the last he saw of him. Daniel didn’t want that image burned into his memory. The sight of Jack lying in a bloody heap on that planet had been bad enough. He definitely didn’t want to see his best friend with his head being cut into.
“Would you like to go in, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c gestured at the door.
Cringing at the thought, Daniel turned around, shaking his head. “N-no,” he muttered shakily, feeling his hands trembling and shoving them into the pockets of his clean BDUs. “I-I can’t.”
“It is understandable, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c intoned with steady understanding.
Leaning back against the wall, Daniel clenched his eyes shut, his hands balled into fists. A part of him felt like he should go in there, because if Jack didn’t make it, at least he would get to see him one last time, as gruesome as the sight was going to be.
Decision made, Daniel pushed away from the wall and pulled open the door to the observation room. He looked down through the glass, and immediately felt the bile rise up his throat. The doctor was carefully removing the hunk of shrapnel that had been imbedded in his best friend’s skull. The gleaming metal was slick with blood as they took it out with great care, and Daniel thought he was going to be sick. No, he knew he was going to be sick.
Bolting before the door had even closed behind him, Daniel dashed passed Teal’c and down the hall for the nearest bathroom, where he promptly tossed his cookies.
.
The next time he saw Jack, his friend was out of surgery and on a bed in the ICU. It had been several hours later, and Daniel no longer knew what day it was, or even the time. He vaguely remembered meeting Jack’s neurosurgeon/neurologist, Dr. Elissa Carlysle. Janet, Teal’c, and even General Hammond were all there as well as they went in to see Jack.
Daniel clenched his jaw to keep himself from crying when he saw his best friend lying so still and lifeless in that hospital bed. Jack was an incredible tangle of wires and tubes, just a towel stretched across his hips to preserve his modesty. Dr. Carlysle explained that it was better for his brain to keep him cool. His right side was swathed in bandages from the shrapnel wounds, and there was a thick patch of gauze over the surgical site on the right side of his head. Jack’s head had been completely shaved, and there were even monitors and drains sticking out from his skull. Daniel felt like retching again.
Janet’s eyes were moist as she reached for his hand and looked into his eyes as though they were the only two people in the room. Out of all of them, he knew he was the most distressed; he’d been the one to see Jack first. “How…” Daniel’s voice was choked and dry. He cleared his throat and attempted to compose himself. Janet squeezed his hands. It helped. “How bad is it?”
“Thankfully, the shrapnel wounds to his side didn’t go very deep and cause any real damage. The fact that he had his tactical vest on helped,” Janet began softly, addressing Teal’c and the General as well. Her lips pursed briefly, and she took in a deep breath, glancing minutely at Jack’s still form. “Right now the Colonel’s in a coma, which is probably the best thing for him at this time.” She let go of Daniel’s hands. “Other than the shrapnel which pierced his skull, the alien energy from the explosion seems to have caused significant brain damage.”
Daniel’s mind pretty much stopped working altogether at those last words. “B-brain damage?” he stuttered out.
It took an obvious effort for Janet to continue. “We aren’t able to determine what that means exactly at this point, and all we can really do right now is monitor him closely.” Janet turned and gestured toward her patient. “We’re keeping a very close eye on the monitors that are keeping track of the pressure in his brain. There’s a lot of swelling right now, and while the bleeding was controlled in surgery, there’s a chance the Colonel could suffer another bleed, and he’s not out of the woods yet. The next few days are going to be crucial.”
Daniel felt as though his legs had turned to spaghetti, and the next thing he knew, Teal’c was lowering him into a chair, and then General Hammond’s heavy hand fell on his shoulder.
“It’ll be alright, son.”
Looking at Jack now, Daniel didn’t really believe him.
.
When Jack finally surfaced from his coma, Daniel immediately knew that his friend was not the same. He and Teal’c had spent over a week at their friend’s bedside, and were relieved the moment Jack had opened his eyes. But the relief had been short-lived.
Jack had been off the ventilator for a little while, but still, he didn’t speak. Janet reminded Daniel that speech may be one of the things he would have to learn to do all over again.
“Jack? Can you hear me?” Daniel asked, but Jack only turned his head in his direction, focusing on him briefly before moving on to something else, seemingly disinterested.
Jack didn’t stay awake for long. For several hours he surfaced for short periods of time and then went back to sleep.
The next day he stayed awake a little longer before drifting away again. Daniel spent the most time at Jack’s bedside other than Janet. He picked up his friend’s cool, limp hand. “Jack, squeeze my hand,” he instructed determinedly.
Jack’s fingers merely twitched before he fell back to sleep.
A while later Daniel tried again. “Come on, Jack. Squeeze my hand.”
This time, he did. Jack’s fingers weakly clenched around Daniel’s hand, and the archaeologist whooped and cheered, his face beaming. Jack fell asleep again and he ran to tell Janet what their friend had accomplished.
A few more days passed, and Jack progressed slowly. He never tried to talk, only making grunts or moans, and occasionally screaming or wailing. He hated most people touching him, with Daniel, Teal’c, and Janet being the few exceptions. And even then, it took some time for him to accept them.
Every time he needed a new dressing, a tube placement or monitor checked, removed, adjusted, or changed, he threw a fit. Jack’s movements were very uncoordinated, and he couldn’t sit up, so he just thrashed around. Usually the thrashing fits ended with Jack moaning and sometimes even crying. Janet told Daniel that he was hurting the wounds on his side, and he almost constantly looked as though he were in pain.
Sometimes Daniel felt guilty for sitting at Jack’s bedside and just hoping that his friend would be his old self again.
.
The day that Jack suffered a seizure, Daniel nearly had a heart attack. Janet was showing him how to hook Jack’s food bag up to the feeding tube when a gasping groan came from Jack and the monitors all began screeching. After that, Jack’s body began it’s violent jerking and flailing.
Janet had to tranquilize him to get the seizure to stop, and then she and a nurse whisked Jack away for a CT scan. It had been the third most terrifying moment in Daniel’s life; the first was seeing his parents get killed, and the second was when he’d found Jack after the explosion.
When they brought Jack back to his regular room, Daniel spent hours at his bedside waiting for him to wake up. When he finally did, he still had the same mostly-vacant look on his face, intermixed with flashes of confusion and pain.
Later, after talking awhile with Jack’s neurologist, Daniel learned many things about the stages that brain-injured people went through during the recovery process. She told him about a disinhibition phase that many patients went through, where they said or did whatever popped into their heads. She also explained to him that some patients experienced the complete opposite. Jack, Daniel found out, had the opposite. He didn’t speak or do much; he was very withdrawn into himself, seemingly unaware of almost everything.
Dr. Carlysle warned Daniel that it might change once Jack recovered more and regained some mobility, maybe even his speech. Daniel didn’t think so. He called it Jack’s chronic catatonic phase.
.
Putting down the book he’d been reading while visiting with Jack for a few hours, Daniel swiveled in his chair and smiled a little as Janet entered the room. “Hey,” he greeted her warmly, standing up.
Janet approached him wordlessly and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest.
“Janet?” Daniel asked worriedly, feeling as though something may be seriously wrong with his friend who was lying asleep not two feet away.
“Everything’s fine,” she assured him quickly. “I was just talking to Cassie about Jack and I…I needed a hug.”
Daniel leaned back, his brows furrowed. He wasn’t used to Janet breaking down at all; she was the confident, unflappable doctor. “What happened?”
Janet frowned. “She’s upset. I still don’t want her seeing Jack quite yet.” She glanced over at her patient and friend. “He’s still got so many tubes and wires right now and…I think it will be too scary for her.”
“Cassie’s a strong kid, Janet. Don’t underestimate her. She witnessed everyone on her entire planet-including her parents-get wiped out by disease.” Daniel tried to reason. He knew how much Jack meant to Cassie and vice versa. Maybe letting her see Jack would be a good thing.
She swallowed audibly and sighed. “I know she’s strong, Daniel, but she shouldn’t have to… Cassie adores Jack. I don’t know how she’s going to feel seeing him like this, if she’ll understand that he probably won’t ever be that Jack that she’s known for the last few years.”
Daniel nodded with understanding. He looked at Jack again. “He’s been doing pretty good today. No fits or anything. Today would be a good day to bring her in.”
Finally relenting, Janet bowed her head in acceptance. She busied herself by moving around Jack’s bed, checking his monitors, fluid intake and output as well as his vitals. She gently ran her fingers through his short hair where there were no bandages. It was slowly starting to grow back and in a fuzzy phase. Jack made a noise, opening his eyes, and Janet smiled. “Today,” she said. “After his lunch. He’ll be sleepy then, and quiet.”
“Good.” Daniel smiled back at her, watched Jack’s eyes shift to Janet, then to him, then to the wall. Whatever happened from here on out, he was going to be there for Jack, that was a fact.
.
Daniel woke up with tears in his eyes and quickly batted them away, sitting up in bed. He glanced sideways, seeking Janet’s comfort, but she wasn’t there. She still wasn’t home from the base.
Getting out of bed, Daniel lumbered toward the bathroom to splash some water on his face, still thinking about his dream. It wasn’t a dream, not really. It was a memory. A memory of the first few weeks after Jack’s accident.
He got to the sink, soaked his face, then walked out of the room. Daniel felt like he really needed to go see Jack, like it would help soothe him knowing that his friend was okay. Well, Jack wasn’t okay okay, but he was better, a lot better than they ever expected him to get, in fact, and still improving. Despite his continued difficulties with communication, speech, coordination, and other areas, Jack was progressing spectacularly considering the severity of his brain injury. Daniel had some hope left in him.
By the time he’d thrown on some clothes and grabbed his car keys, the sound of the front door opening halted his progress. Janet walked in, giving him a puzzled look.
“Daniel? Where are you going?” She must have noticed the slightly distressed look on his face because her eyes were shining with concern.
“I-“ Daniel halted, suddenly feeling foolish, his own mind claiming his need to go see Jack in the middle of the night was ridiculous. He put his keys back on the counter and stuffed his hands in his pockets awkwardly. “I wanted to check on Jack.”
Janet’s brows immediately furrowed and she looked alarmed. “Why? Did something happen? Why didn’t anybody call me?”
“No, no, no,” Daniel quickly assured her, waving his hands. “Jack’s fine.” He smiled a little. “Well, I’m pretty sure he’s fine, I just-I…I had a dream and, well I wanted to make sure.” He grimaced at how paranoid and overprotective he sounded.
Janet moved closer and touched his arm. “Teal’c might still be up. Why don’t you just call?”
Daniel frowned, then shook his head and pulled a hand through his hair. “No, it’s okay. You know what? I’ll call in the morning. I’m just…I’m just a little shaken up after the dream I had.” He made a face, loathe to admit a stupid dream/memory had rattled him so much. “I dreamed of Jack’s accident and the couple of weeks after.” He explained, taking a deep breath and sighing.
Janet smiled tightly at him with sympathy. She looked tired. “It’s late, Daniel. Why don’t you come to bed?”
Shoulders sagging, Daniel gave a nod. He knew it was useless worrying over Jack when he was safe at home with Teal’c. Teal’c would have called immediately if anything was wrong, and logically Daniel knew that there wasn’t. He only had the urge to see Jack alive because of the dream.
He let Janet lead him back to their bedroom and climbed back in bed after undressing again while she changed. As she slid in the bed beside him, holding him, Daniel knew he would be able to get back to sleep. Jack was fine, he kept telling himself. He’d call him and then see him in the morning.
Falling asleep, the nightmarish images of Jack’s accident receded from Daniel’s mind, allowing him to rest with only peaceful thoughts remaining in his head.
.