You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...
Title: You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...
Rating: R
Pairing: Teddy/Billy
Word count: 2900 words
Summary: So a witch and a shapeshifter are watching Star Wars...
Author's notes: I am not a Star Wars geek, forgive me if I said atrocious things in there. Thanks to dayofjudah for the beta. Also, this fic was written for tussah for a RP gift exchange and then was modified slightly to fit in a more general setting.
You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...
Teddy is proud of himself when he comes back home with a copy of The Empire Strikes Back in his bag. Neither him or Billy have watched or read or been in contact with anything Star Wars or Star Trek related for way too long. There aren't any DVDs, or books, or action figures, or anything at the new lair. It has TVs and DVD players but lacks the movies to make it worth it; or the game consoles. So when Teddy found that DVD for 5$, it was an instant buy. He didn't even think about it for a second.
Who cares about being sure you have enough money to eat and pay the rent when you can watch Star Wars again? No one, that's who.
And that is so over-dramatic. He's still going to have plenty of money and that DVD is not going to ruin anyone. No, really, that was the smartest move of his week. Maybe even of the month.
He has a big dorky grin plastered on his face when he walks into the house, and looks 1around for a bit before finding Billy in their room. He's reading; it doesn't stop him from looking up at Teddy and raising an eyebrow.
"What did you do?" He asks, amused, just knowing that something's going on.
"Something awesome. I spent money --"
"We don’t have money for a new X-Box 360."
"No, you dork." Teddy fumbles through his bag slowly before pulling the DVD out and holding it in front of him, his arms extended for a dramatic showing of its case. "I spent money on this."
Billy stares, gaping a little, and spots the price on the plastic wrapping. "5$?"
"Yes. Clearly I am a master hunter and I can smell cheap Star Wars DVDs from afar."
Billy stands up from his bed and abandons the book he was reading behind. He tugs on Teddy's shirt, bringing him in for a short, teasing kiss. He's smirking through it. "You're definitely a pretty good boyfriend. Quite a catch."
"'Pretty good'? How come I don't deserve a 'best' or at least an 'awesome' for that?"
Billy doesn't stop holding onto Teddy's shirt. "Because an awesome boyfriend would have found Return of the Jedi and the best one, at least the original trilogy."
"You're speaking nonsense. Empire Strikes Back is way better than Return of the Jedi."
Billy throws him quite an impressive offended look, letting his arms fall on his sides. "It is not!"
"Yes it is, and you totally know it."
"What does Empire Strikes Back have that Return doesn't?"
Teddy's look becomes very serious as he answers solemnly, "The 'I am your father' scene."
Billy rolls his eyes and sighs, "One scene doesn't make a whole movie."
A beat. Teddy raises his eyebrows. "I'd just like to point out you still know that movie by heart."
"It totally doesn't count, I know all of them by heart!"
"Uh uh. Well, I guess you'll have to wait for your other boyfriends to find Return so you can watch it with them. Meanwhile, I am going to watch this," he shakes the DVD case in his hand, "movie right now."
He smiles.
Billy squints. "You better not watch it without me."
Teddy's smile broadens. "Of course not."
*
They settle in their room. They do have a TV in there, and even if it's smaller than the one in the living room, they both agreed that since it was the first time they watched any Star Wars in months, privacy to be sure the experience wouldn't be interrupted was more important than the quality of the image.
They know what the images' details are, anyway. They don't need it to be super beautiful. They'll watch it in the living room some other time. Maybe even ask the others if they'd like to watch it, too. For now, this is their personal showing of a Star Wars movie and they're going to enjoy it.
They're even comfortable enough that they don't mind talking, sometimes. They know the lines by heart, after all, and talking is what makes it special. Even when they're ridiculous comments about all the UST between Leia and Han being terrible and awesome (that starts really early, they do have that kiss discussion about five minutes in).
Of course this is immediately followed by Luke being lost on the ice planet. Billy settles into Teddy's arms and makes little sounds all through Han's discussion with the deck officer and Threepio.
(Teddy still spells it 3PO - or C3PO - but Billy thinks spelling it like an actual name makes him less of a robot and more of a character on his own. Teddy argued that he was a robot. They then had a conversation about how individual the robots and the clones were in Star Wars. Teddy thinks there's a huge difference between a clone and a robot and anyway; letters and numbers are decent robot-names. Billy thinks that in Star Wars, robots have the same individuality as people, and that letters and numbers are just the proof that they were serialized. These arguments never go anywhere. They agree 'Artoo' looks cuter than 'R2'.)
When Han finds Luke, Billy mumbles, "He could have shared his own body heat, too."
"Hypothermia cliché?" Teddy asks against his hair.
"Star Wars created clichés, they are forgiven for using every single cliché ever."
"The hypothermia one is from Star Trek, though," Teddy points out. Billy doesn't answer and watches the two guys being found by Zev.
Billy frowns when Leia kisses Luke; Teddy doesn't.
"Are you thinking about Tommy and me?"
"Never."
"You better not."
A moment passes during which Teddy stares at the TV without watching or listening. "Would that mean I'm Han?" he asks finally.
Billy pokes at him playfully, "You wish."
"And that you're Leia?"
Billy shoves at his boyfriend this time. "There's no way Tommy is Luke. If someone's Luke, it's me."
"Hey, that way you get some Han/Luke shipping time."
"You're such an idiot," Billy answers, but he's less convinced than he usually is and he's blushing a bit.
Teddy smirks and holds Billy closer. From then on, he's not watching the movie as closely as he should, spending more time observing Billy's reactions to some scenes than watching the actual scenes: Billy smiling sweetly when Han talks to Leia about the fact he's still not gone, Billy frowning at weird moments. It's a wonder he never spent time analyzing his boyfriend's reaction to a series of movies they must have watched a dozen times together.
When Han and Leia finally kiss, Billy sighs softly.
"If I'm Han, then you're Leia."
Billy frowns and looks at him. "You're still thinking about that?"
"Well, you really clearly like them together."
"Of course I do, they're both awesome."
"And you don't ship Luke with Han at all."
Billy hesitates obviously. "Yes, I do."
"No, you don't."
Billy keeps on watching the movie very seriously.
"You know, you're allowed not to ship Han and Luke." Teddy doesn't get any answer and keeps on going, teasing, "I didn't know you had something for UST but it's fine, I still love you."
"Geez, why is it such a big deal who I ship, anyway? We're really not watching Star Wars for the pairings. It's Star Wars."
Teddy stops talking and starts watching the movie again.
He looks at Billy being way too invested in Han and Leia's relationship and screen time.
He's surprised when Billy doesn't make any comment about the Frank Oz fisting lines (Luke telling Yoda while panting heavily, "I can't. It's too big." and Yoda answering "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm.") even if this exchange is golden.
He looks at Billy cringing when Han is being tortured.
He can't believe he never realised this the first eleven times they watched these movies.
"You have such a hard on for Han Solo."
Billy looks up at him quickly, eyes wide. "You do, too!"
"Sure I do, but nothing like you."
"He's just a character."
"Doesn't matter."
"Cut it out," Billy mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why are you so ashamed of it?"
"I am not."
The idea hits Teddy out of nowhere and he can't quite get rid of it. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he doesn't think about it twice before he's kissing Billy, hard, and morphing at the same time.
Billy moans, realises something is going on and pulls back awkwardly before staring.
"Teddy."
"No, not Teddy," answers Han's voice.
"Teddy, this is creepy."
Teddy kisses him again, pulling him close, opening Billy's lips under his to make it deeper, wetter. It's not the way Han kisses Leia, it's still a Teddy-kiss, but they're not Teddy's lips and they're not Teddy's hands around his shoulders and behind his head.
By the end of that kiss, Billy is panting a little. "This -- this is weird."
Teddy looks at him unsure and awkward; it doesn't suit Han's face at all. "Do you want me to change back?"
"I'm. Uh. I don't know?"
Teddy looks down and bites his lower lip, but he still pulls Billy over him as he's moving a little until Billy's straddling his thighs.
Billy looks down every time he stares at Teddy for too long. "I don't -- am I supposed to call you 'Han', now?" On the screen that none of them is watching anymore, Vader is talking about the carbon-freezing chamber.
"Uh, what comes more naturally?"
Billy takes a deep breath in and leans in to kiss Teddy again, slower, testing, concentrating on the differences while trying not to be weirded out. Hesitant, Teddy moves a hand over Billy's stomach, lifting his shirt so he can touch the skin and caress it slowly with a hand that is bigger than his usually is.
The lips are broader, dryer, and Billy leans into the hand on his skin, pushes a hand into Teddy's (Han's? weirdweirdweird) hair without gripping. He's still just... testing things out. Testing things out is starting to be really appreciated by his body and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss while leaning just enough to thrust against --
He has to either get into this or not.
He interrupts the kiss, pulling back enough to stare at his lover's eyes. He's testing. Right. Testing.
He stays still for too long and the fingers on his stomach become more insistent; the hand moves swiftly around his waist and plays with his waistband just over his ass, teasing, pushing their erections together and the friction is... it doesn't matter that they're both still wearing their clothes at this point.
Billy moans and joins into the movement, trying to get a better angle. Or to force that hand under his waistband. Or both. He grips at a shoulder when it happens and moans out a name.
Han raises an amused eyebrow and that's all the warning Billy has before he's being lifted and flipped over, Han now over him and placing Billy's legs around his waist.
Billy pulls him down clumsily so they can kiss again, and he holds his mouth against Han's as if he might change his mind any moment, nearly sucks on his tongue because he wants to have Han's tongue in his mouth, wants to have something to do with his mouth other than bite his lips until it bleeds because Han is --
Han is even less patient than he is and is cupping him through his jeans, thumb and forefinger on each side of his erection and not stroking hard enough.
The moans are louder but none of them are really listening to them, to the movie that is still going on, or thinking about the fact they usually spend half their time going 'shhh, we're too loud', 'sorry, sorry', 'Eli will hear us', 'it's his fault for having that damn superhearing'. They're really not thinking about Eli at all. The fact they once thought about Eli should be a problem.
Han starts moaning too -- it's nearly a groan -- and licks his way into Billy's mouth as if he was trying to taste something and failing, but not quitting. Billy is moving into Han's hand without thinking about it much at all and he's hot.
They're both hot all over and wearing a lot of clothes. Why the hell are they still wearing so many clothes? Without moving his lips away, Billy manages to think about it enough to tug on the bottom of Han's shirt so he'll stop the extreme making out long enough to step back and remove it. Han does stop and lifts him enough to get rid of his shirt before tossing his away.
And it's.
Han Solo.
Half-naked over him, between his legs.
They're both completely crazy.
They both know it and spend a few seconds just staring at each others, acknowledging the fact, and discarding it in favour to not destroying the buttons of their pants when they won't open as easily as they normally do.
They never remove their pants, instead just pushing them down enough to free their cocks and press together immediately, Han's precum leaving a small trail on Billy's stomach.
Billy moans, moves, moans again.
"Han--"
Han takes Billy carefully in his hand, not putting any of the pressure he wants, teasing the head of the cock with his thumb, "Hmm?"
"Just--" He hesitates, stills for a second. Han slows down also, concerned, "Is there--"
"Talk," Billy blurts and somehow he's not blushing. He just knows what he wants.
"Oh?" He licks the side of Billy's neck, "I do have a sexy voice."
Billy rolls his eyes and shifts under Han so they're rubbing against each other, takes Han's hand in his own to guide him until he's jerking both of them at the same time and they'd really need lube to make this better (even if Han has the foreskin to help when Teddy didn't -- Han probably doesn't even have foreskin but Teddy knows Billy likes it and that's what it came to...) but they're both lazy and too into it to care about the friction right now.
It's not a bad sort of friction, anyway.
"I'm not going to let you come like that."
Billy breathes in fast and raw, tightening his grip around Han's hand, stroking them both faster.
"I want to suck you off too much for that," Han keeps on going, "and then I'll tease you until you're hard again so I can ride you."
Billy is thrusting his hips into his fist and Han's now, he doesn't want to stop, he --
--coordinates are set. It's now--
--has to think about breathing through his nose when Han kisses him again because the kiss is hard and demanding, and he should really stop this right now because he is going to come before they get to anything else...
They're both going to at this rate and --
--told me they fixed it. I trusted them to fix it. It's not my fault!
"Fuck!"
Billy stops everything and makes a move away from Han who lets go immediately and looks very worried, "is something wrong?"
"We just missed the 'I am your father' scene!"
Teddy frowns and looks at the screen, morphing back almost immediately. "Oh. Oh we did." He's not sure what to say, except stare in disbelief.
Billy puts his pants back on. "I can't -- how could we miss that over sex?" Teddy moves back and sits against the back of the bed, still staring at the screen.
"We are the worst geeks ever," Billy keeps on going when it becomes evident he's not receiving any answer from Teddy's end.
"We could... go back a few scenes?" Teddy suggests, unsure.
"It will not change the fact we missed The Scene," the capitals are practically spoken out loud, "because we were having sex."
"Well--"
"While you had Han Solo's appearance." Billy puts his head in his hand, hiding his eyes.
"I think that gives us geek points, personally."
Billy looks up at him.
"And you were really into it."
"I am not anymore."
Teddy doesn't morph his appearance but he answers with Han's voice. "I could make you again."
Billy squints.
"We missed The Scene already, anyway."
*
They never finished the movie. They agreed that stopping it this time would be less of a sacrilege.
Teddy has his appearance again and his head is lying on Billy's lap. They're both breathing very slowly and Billy's playing with Teddy's hair absently.
"Sooo... does that mean you've admitted that you were Leia?"
Billy tugs on the lock between his fingers and doesn't answer.
"You should totally magic yourself up some danish hair."
Billy is decisively ignoring Teddy at that point, but this has never stopped Teddy from talking before and it doesn't now. "And a gold bikini. You need the gold bikini."
Billy sighs, long and annoyed. "I'd look terrible with danish hair or a gold bikini."
"You never know until you try it," Teddy teases, smiling lazily.
"I'm not going to get myself a gold bikini. I think your brain has been damaged by the morphed sex."
"Hey. Maybe." A beat. "What about the chains and cuffs?"
"Does that mean you're Jabba the Hutt?"
Teddy seems to be thinking--
"Ew! Don't even consider morphing into Jabba ever!"
"But--"
"Ever!"
"--I was just wondering--"
"Don't!"
"--if it was possible--"
"No! Don't. Oh god. Just -- don't. Ever."
"But I never morphed into a non-humanoid before. That could be useful."
"Try it out when I'm not here and never talk to me about it."
Teddy nods and settles onto Billy's lap a bit more comfortably. Billy starts petting his hair hesitantly. Generally doubtful.
Then, a few minutes later, "Have you stopped thinking about it?"
"Yes," Teddy lies.
"Good."
(FIN~)
Rating: R
Pairing: Teddy/Billy
Word count: 2900 words
Summary: So a witch and a shapeshifter are watching Star Wars...
Author's notes: I am not a Star Wars geek, forgive me if I said atrocious things in there. Thanks to dayofjudah for the beta. Also, this fic was written for tussah for a RP gift exchange and then was modified slightly to fit in a more general setting.
You Know You're a Star Wars Geek When...
Teddy is proud of himself when he comes back home with a copy of The Empire Strikes Back in his bag. Neither him or Billy have watched or read or been in contact with anything Star Wars or Star Trek related for way too long. There aren't any DVDs, or books, or action figures, or anything at the new lair. It has TVs and DVD players but lacks the movies to make it worth it; or the game consoles. So when Teddy found that DVD for 5$, it was an instant buy. He didn't even think about it for a second.
Who cares about being sure you have enough money to eat and pay the rent when you can watch Star Wars again? No one, that's who.
And that is so over-dramatic. He's still going to have plenty of money and that DVD is not going to ruin anyone. No, really, that was the smartest move of his week. Maybe even of the month.
He has a big dorky grin plastered on his face when he walks into the house, and looks 1around for a bit before finding Billy in their room. He's reading; it doesn't stop him from looking up at Teddy and raising an eyebrow.
"What did you do?" He asks, amused, just knowing that something's going on.
"Something awesome. I spent money --"
"We don’t have money for a new X-Box 360."
"No, you dork." Teddy fumbles through his bag slowly before pulling the DVD out and holding it in front of him, his arms extended for a dramatic showing of its case. "I spent money on this."
Billy stares, gaping a little, and spots the price on the plastic wrapping. "5$?"
"Yes. Clearly I am a master hunter and I can smell cheap Star Wars DVDs from afar."
Billy stands up from his bed and abandons the book he was reading behind. He tugs on Teddy's shirt, bringing him in for a short, teasing kiss. He's smirking through it. "You're definitely a pretty good boyfriend. Quite a catch."
"'Pretty good'? How come I don't deserve a 'best' or at least an 'awesome' for that?"
Billy doesn't stop holding onto Teddy's shirt. "Because an awesome boyfriend would have found Return of the Jedi and the best one, at least the original trilogy."
"You're speaking nonsense. Empire Strikes Back is way better than Return of the Jedi."
Billy throws him quite an impressive offended look, letting his arms fall on his sides. "It is not!"
"Yes it is, and you totally know it."
"What does Empire Strikes Back have that Return doesn't?"
Teddy's look becomes very serious as he answers solemnly, "The 'I am your father' scene."
Billy rolls his eyes and sighs, "One scene doesn't make a whole movie."
A beat. Teddy raises his eyebrows. "I'd just like to point out you still know that movie by heart."
"It totally doesn't count, I know all of them by heart!"
"Uh uh. Well, I guess you'll have to wait for your other boyfriends to find Return so you can watch it with them. Meanwhile, I am going to watch this," he shakes the DVD case in his hand, "movie right now."
He smiles.
Billy squints. "You better not watch it without me."
Teddy's smile broadens. "Of course not."
*
They settle in their room. They do have a TV in there, and even if it's smaller than the one in the living room, they both agreed that since it was the first time they watched any Star Wars in months, privacy to be sure the experience wouldn't be interrupted was more important than the quality of the image.
They know what the images' details are, anyway. They don't need it to be super beautiful. They'll watch it in the living room some other time. Maybe even ask the others if they'd like to watch it, too. For now, this is their personal showing of a Star Wars movie and they're going to enjoy it.
They're even comfortable enough that they don't mind talking, sometimes. They know the lines by heart, after all, and talking is what makes it special. Even when they're ridiculous comments about all the UST between Leia and Han being terrible and awesome (that starts really early, they do have that kiss discussion about five minutes in).
Of course this is immediately followed by Luke being lost on the ice planet. Billy settles into Teddy's arms and makes little sounds all through Han's discussion with the deck officer and Threepio.
(Teddy still spells it 3PO - or C3PO - but Billy thinks spelling it like an actual name makes him less of a robot and more of a character on his own. Teddy argued that he was a robot. They then had a conversation about how individual the robots and the clones were in Star Wars. Teddy thinks there's a huge difference between a clone and a robot and anyway; letters and numbers are decent robot-names. Billy thinks that in Star Wars, robots have the same individuality as people, and that letters and numbers are just the proof that they were serialized. These arguments never go anywhere. They agree 'Artoo' looks cuter than 'R2'.)
When Han finds Luke, Billy mumbles, "He could have shared his own body heat, too."
"Hypothermia cliché?" Teddy asks against his hair.
"Star Wars created clichés, they are forgiven for using every single cliché ever."
"The hypothermia one is from Star Trek, though," Teddy points out. Billy doesn't answer and watches the two guys being found by Zev.
Billy frowns when Leia kisses Luke; Teddy doesn't.
"Are you thinking about Tommy and me?"
"Never."
"You better not."
A moment passes during which Teddy stares at the TV without watching or listening. "Would that mean I'm Han?" he asks finally.
Billy pokes at him playfully, "You wish."
"And that you're Leia?"
Billy shoves at his boyfriend this time. "There's no way Tommy is Luke. If someone's Luke, it's me."
"Hey, that way you get some Han/Luke shipping time."
"You're such an idiot," Billy answers, but he's less convinced than he usually is and he's blushing a bit.
Teddy smirks and holds Billy closer. From then on, he's not watching the movie as closely as he should, spending more time observing Billy's reactions to some scenes than watching the actual scenes: Billy smiling sweetly when Han talks to Leia about the fact he's still not gone, Billy frowning at weird moments. It's a wonder he never spent time analyzing his boyfriend's reaction to a series of movies they must have watched a dozen times together.
When Han and Leia finally kiss, Billy sighs softly.
"If I'm Han, then you're Leia."
Billy frowns and looks at him. "You're still thinking about that?"
"Well, you really clearly like them together."
"Of course I do, they're both awesome."
"And you don't ship Luke with Han at all."
Billy hesitates obviously. "Yes, I do."
"No, you don't."
Billy keeps on watching the movie very seriously.
"You know, you're allowed not to ship Han and Luke." Teddy doesn't get any answer and keeps on going, teasing, "I didn't know you had something for UST but it's fine, I still love you."
"Geez, why is it such a big deal who I ship, anyway? We're really not watching Star Wars for the pairings. It's Star Wars."
Teddy stops talking and starts watching the movie again.
He looks at Billy being way too invested in Han and Leia's relationship and screen time.
He's surprised when Billy doesn't make any comment about the Frank Oz fisting lines (Luke telling Yoda while panting heavily, "I can't. It's too big." and Yoda answering "Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm.") even if this exchange is golden.
He looks at Billy cringing when Han is being tortured.
He can't believe he never realised this the first eleven times they watched these movies.
"You have such a hard on for Han Solo."
Billy looks up at him quickly, eyes wide. "You do, too!"
"Sure I do, but nothing like you."
"He's just a character."
"Doesn't matter."
"Cut it out," Billy mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why are you so ashamed of it?"
"I am not."
The idea hits Teddy out of nowhere and he can't quite get rid of it. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that he doesn't think about it twice before he's kissing Billy, hard, and morphing at the same time.
Billy moans, realises something is going on and pulls back awkwardly before staring.
"Teddy."
"No, not Teddy," answers Han's voice.
"Teddy, this is creepy."
Teddy kisses him again, pulling him close, opening Billy's lips under his to make it deeper, wetter. It's not the way Han kisses Leia, it's still a Teddy-kiss, but they're not Teddy's lips and they're not Teddy's hands around his shoulders and behind his head.
By the end of that kiss, Billy is panting a little. "This -- this is weird."
Teddy looks at him unsure and awkward; it doesn't suit Han's face at all. "Do you want me to change back?"
"I'm. Uh. I don't know?"
Teddy looks down and bites his lower lip, but he still pulls Billy over him as he's moving a little until Billy's straddling his thighs.
Billy looks down every time he stares at Teddy for too long. "I don't -- am I supposed to call you 'Han', now?" On the screen that none of them is watching anymore, Vader is talking about the carbon-freezing chamber.
"Uh, what comes more naturally?"
Billy takes a deep breath in and leans in to kiss Teddy again, slower, testing, concentrating on the differences while trying not to be weirded out. Hesitant, Teddy moves a hand over Billy's stomach, lifting his shirt so he can touch the skin and caress it slowly with a hand that is bigger than his usually is.
The lips are broader, dryer, and Billy leans into the hand on his skin, pushes a hand into Teddy's (Han's? weirdweirdweird) hair without gripping. He's still just... testing things out. Testing things out is starting to be really appreciated by his body and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss while leaning just enough to thrust against --
He has to either get into this or not.
He interrupts the kiss, pulling back enough to stare at his lover's eyes. He's testing. Right. Testing.
He stays still for too long and the fingers on his stomach become more insistent; the hand moves swiftly around his waist and plays with his waistband just over his ass, teasing, pushing their erections together and the friction is... it doesn't matter that they're both still wearing their clothes at this point.
Billy moans and joins into the movement, trying to get a better angle. Or to force that hand under his waistband. Or both. He grips at a shoulder when it happens and moans out a name.
Han raises an amused eyebrow and that's all the warning Billy has before he's being lifted and flipped over, Han now over him and placing Billy's legs around his waist.
Billy pulls him down clumsily so they can kiss again, and he holds his mouth against Han's as if he might change his mind any moment, nearly sucks on his tongue because he wants to have Han's tongue in his mouth, wants to have something to do with his mouth other than bite his lips until it bleeds because Han is --
Han is even less patient than he is and is cupping him through his jeans, thumb and forefinger on each side of his erection and not stroking hard enough.
The moans are louder but none of them are really listening to them, to the movie that is still going on, or thinking about the fact they usually spend half their time going 'shhh, we're too loud', 'sorry, sorry', 'Eli will hear us', 'it's his fault for having that damn superhearing'. They're really not thinking about Eli at all. The fact they once thought about Eli should be a problem.
Han starts moaning too -- it's nearly a groan -- and licks his way into Billy's mouth as if he was trying to taste something and failing, but not quitting. Billy is moving into Han's hand without thinking about it much at all and he's hot.
They're both hot all over and wearing a lot of clothes. Why the hell are they still wearing so many clothes? Without moving his lips away, Billy manages to think about it enough to tug on the bottom of Han's shirt so he'll stop the extreme making out long enough to step back and remove it. Han does stop and lifts him enough to get rid of his shirt before tossing his away.
And it's.
Han Solo.
Half-naked over him, between his legs.
They're both completely crazy.
They both know it and spend a few seconds just staring at each others, acknowledging the fact, and discarding it in favour to not destroying the buttons of their pants when they won't open as easily as they normally do.
They never remove their pants, instead just pushing them down enough to free their cocks and press together immediately, Han's precum leaving a small trail on Billy's stomach.
Billy moans, moves, moans again.
"Han--"
Han takes Billy carefully in his hand, not putting any of the pressure he wants, teasing the head of the cock with his thumb, "Hmm?"
"Just--" He hesitates, stills for a second. Han slows down also, concerned, "Is there--"
"Talk," Billy blurts and somehow he's not blushing. He just knows what he wants.
"Oh?" He licks the side of Billy's neck, "I do have a sexy voice."
Billy rolls his eyes and shifts under Han so they're rubbing against each other, takes Han's hand in his own to guide him until he's jerking both of them at the same time and they'd really need lube to make this better (even if Han has the foreskin to help when Teddy didn't -- Han probably doesn't even have foreskin but Teddy knows Billy likes it and that's what it came to...) but they're both lazy and too into it to care about the friction right now.
It's not a bad sort of friction, anyway.
"I'm not going to let you come like that."
Billy breathes in fast and raw, tightening his grip around Han's hand, stroking them both faster.
"I want to suck you off too much for that," Han keeps on going, "and then I'll tease you until you're hard again so I can ride you."
Billy is thrusting his hips into his fist and Han's now, he doesn't want to stop, he --
--coordinates are set. It's now--
--has to think about breathing through his nose when Han kisses him again because the kiss is hard and demanding, and he should really stop this right now because he is going to come before they get to anything else...
They're both going to at this rate and --
--told me they fixed it. I trusted them to fix it. It's not my fault!
"Fuck!"
Billy stops everything and makes a move away from Han who lets go immediately and looks very worried, "is something wrong?"
"We just missed the 'I am your father' scene!"
Teddy frowns and looks at the screen, morphing back almost immediately. "Oh. Oh we did." He's not sure what to say, except stare in disbelief.
Billy puts his pants back on. "I can't -- how could we miss that over sex?" Teddy moves back and sits against the back of the bed, still staring at the screen.
"We are the worst geeks ever," Billy keeps on going when it becomes evident he's not receiving any answer from Teddy's end.
"We could... go back a few scenes?" Teddy suggests, unsure.
"It will not change the fact we missed The Scene," the capitals are practically spoken out loud, "because we were having sex."
"Well--"
"While you had Han Solo's appearance." Billy puts his head in his hand, hiding his eyes.
"I think that gives us geek points, personally."
Billy looks up at him.
"And you were really into it."
"I am not anymore."
Teddy doesn't morph his appearance but he answers with Han's voice. "I could make you again."
Billy squints.
"We missed The Scene already, anyway."
*
They never finished the movie. They agreed that stopping it this time would be less of a sacrilege.
Teddy has his appearance again and his head is lying on Billy's lap. They're both breathing very slowly and Billy's playing with Teddy's hair absently.
"Sooo... does that mean you've admitted that you were Leia?"
Billy tugs on the lock between his fingers and doesn't answer.
"You should totally magic yourself up some danish hair."
Billy is decisively ignoring Teddy at that point, but this has never stopped Teddy from talking before and it doesn't now. "And a gold bikini. You need the gold bikini."
Billy sighs, long and annoyed. "I'd look terrible with danish hair or a gold bikini."
"You never know until you try it," Teddy teases, smiling lazily.
"I'm not going to get myself a gold bikini. I think your brain has been damaged by the morphed sex."
"Hey. Maybe." A beat. "What about the chains and cuffs?"
"Does that mean you're Jabba the Hutt?"
Teddy seems to be thinking--
"Ew! Don't even consider morphing into Jabba ever!"
"But--"
"Ever!"
"--I was just wondering--"
"Don't!"
"--if it was possible--"
"No! Don't. Oh god. Just -- don't. Ever."
"But I never morphed into a non-humanoid before. That could be useful."
"Try it out when I'm not here and never talk to me about it."
Teddy nods and settles onto Billy's lap a bit more comfortably. Billy starts petting his hair hesitantly. Generally doubtful.
Then, a few minutes later, "Have you stopped thinking about it?"
"Yes," Teddy lies.
"Good."
(FIN~)