It's gone.

[not_to_50]

I've just realized that there is no way I am going to Mori no Ike next year. The cost is just too much. I can't even find a job and there are only two months left until the tuition is due. I failed. I lost. I'm never going to be there again.

I'm sitting here with a calculator going over any possible way it could happen...and it can't...it just can't.