(Untitled)

[not_the_grim]

Countless times Sirius had read Rowling's books since he discovered them upon the rec room shelf in his first months on the island. He had known, in a dim and distant fashion, what Azakaban was, and then, through those accounts, gleaned an idea of the imprint it would leave upon him, body and soul

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[dr_robchase]

Chase had been trying to keep an eye out for him, but the best intentions fell by the wayside of busy days -- at times. Daily check-ins became every other day and now he's down to twice a week. He felt bad for it, but it couldn't be avoided, not when he had work to do.

Still, he made sure to clear his schedule for the days he did check after Sirius. It took a while to find him and once he did, he lingered awkwardly to the side, holding out a small loaf. "I found this in the kitchen," he offers, having been picking at it. "I think it's banana or apple-spice or something."

[not_the_grim]

They all do this, when they're worried. How often someone offers him food or asks if he's eaten is a fairly good barometer for their level of concern for his person. James was one of the few people Sirius was close to who never did; Sirius had never sorted whether James simply knew better, or was too wrapped up in himself to notice.

His gaze flicks from the loaf to Rob's face and lingers there. In the end, it's easier to accept the offer with a nod of thanks, to pluck a bit of bread between his long fingers and let Rob see him eat it. Sirius brushes crumbs from his fingers and the corners of his mouth and gazes seaward.

"If you set an appointment, I'd come to it," he says, and then glances back to the blond. This is at least half true; he'd try.

[dr_robchase]

What Sirius didn't eat, Chase kept picking at. He felt like he didn't sit down to eat often enough these days and part of it was worry and part of it was just being busy. "I don't want to actually set an appointment, that makes it sound -- it makes it sound official," he admitted. "And while I'm worried about you in a professional sense, I'm more worried about you as a friend." Chase didn't know how, but there were certain people who burrowed their way under his skin and stayed.

Jane, Sirius, House, the Doctor. He doubted he'd ever forget them. "What's up?" he asked, feigning a casual tone -- badly.

[not_the_grim]

"Are we friends, Rob?" Sirius asks, completely open, not a hint of judgment in his expression. At this point, he isn't certain what he'd call the relationship between the two of them. A hybrid of outmoded expectations, disappointments and an awkward sense of obligation, it never seems to settle, never seems to quite fit.

[dr_robchase]

"I'd like to say yes, but, I never know," he admitted. "You have this way of throwing me off my guard and even when I knew the other you, I could never tell," he said, his voice sounding raw when he hears it aloud. "I care about you. I do. I care about you and you helped me, you, not the other Sirius -- you did. I just don't know if I'm the sort of guy you want hanging around."

[not_the_grim]

"I don't mind you hanging around," Sirius reassures him, and turns his attention to the sand between his bare feet. He feels more sober now than he has in perhaps his entire life. Whether that's a good thing or not, he still hasn't determined, but it certainly affords him clarity.

"Perhaps, though, we ought to do away with who you think I ought to be and just work on enjoying each other's company."

[dr_robchase]

"We can," Chase agreed. It wouldn't be the simplest thing in the world -- Chase had trouble letting some things go and he blamed his parents for that mess -- but if it meant that he got to keep a friend in his life, he was sure as hell going to try. "Does enjoying each other's company mean you'd be willing to come over for dinner or something like that?"

[not_the_grim]

The notion feels strange, like putting on someone else's cloak or a new piece of jewelry, and Sirius has to pause a moment to consider his answer. Being honest seems important, and for all his typical impulsiveness, he isn't certain what to say. People invite Sirius to their parties, their mischief, into their beds, but only the Potters ever invited him to a proper dinner like that. After age eleven, he wasn't even welcome at family gatherings anymore, if he ever had been.

"Ask me again in a few months," he settles on, the best and most honest answer he can offer.

[dr_robchase]

Chase nodded, unsure as to whether he would remember, but he would do his damnedest to make a note and ensure that he and Sirius got the chance at a fresh new start. "How's things, otherwise, though?" he asked. "Not as a psychiatrist," he clarified. "How are you? How's the day-to-day?"

[not_the_grim]

"I'm fine," Sirius insists, wondering not for the first time how he'll ever actually convince any of them that it's true. It isn't true, not completely, but he's as good as he's going to get just now. No measure of bed rest or broth is going to change that.

"If I wasn't, I'd go to the clinic. I promise you."

[dr_robchase]

"Good," Chase said, relieved that at least Sirius had the common sense to do that -- he hoped that it would be instilled in him, but he never knew. People kept surprising him in the best of ways and the very worst at the same time and he'd given up on trying to guess who fell into which category.

He offered out the hapless piece of bread with a sheepish smile. "Want the rest?" he offered. "I know there's not much left."