(Untitled)

[not_the_grim]

Countless times Sirius had read Rowling's books since he discovered them upon the rec room shelf in his first months on the island. He had known, in a dim and distant fashion, what Azakaban was, and then, through those accounts, gleaned an idea of the imprint it would leave upon him, body and soul

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[little_moons]

After the initial euphoria, the gratefulness, the awe at just having him back hear with us, after he heals, and it's no longer the weakness of having been out there so long without food that's slowing him down, I start to realize that a different person came home to us. The differences are subtle, but undeniable, and it leaves me off balance. It used to be so fuckin' easy, just being with him, predicting how he'd react, knowing what he thought, and now... Now I feel like there's this gap between us.

Or maybe I'm just imagining things.

Still, I sit down next to him like I always have, barely any space between us, and I think, suddenly, that he's a little more like the Sirius I knew before. Not exactly the same, not even close, but still... the similarities are there.

"Hey," I say, with a crooked smile, reaching up to touch a the shorter strands of his hair falling across his forehead. I'm still not used to that.

[not_the_grim]

Sirius tilts his head, goes briefly cross-eyed as he looks at Neil's fingers skimming through his hair. "My head still feels light," he says with a faint smile, poignant at the edges, and doesn't clarify that it isn't only the haircut's fault. Everything feels strange and surreal these days, not the least of which is himself.

"All right, then?" he asks, and curls thin fingers around Neil's wrist before he can pull his hand away. He's not talking about the haircut now, either.

[little_moons]

"'m still not used to it," I admit, and I'm not just talking about his fucking hair. Even though it was only a month, that was enough time to mourn him, the same way I might've if he'd been dead, and having him back here doesn't feel real. In an awful way, it's like talking with a ghost.

"Yeah, I'm good," I murmur, shifting my wrist out of his grip so that I can curl my fingers around his. We're good, I mean. Things aren't fucking perfect and they might never be, but they don't seem as hopeless as they did before.

"It makes you look older," I say with a smirk.

[not_the_grim]

Sirius feels older, so he reckons that's appropriate. The trouble is, he doesn't feel much wiser, just weary and used, as if the world chewed on him awhile and spat him back out.

"I have a grown godson now, I'm supposed to look more fatherly," he replies, and directs a wry smile at the way Neil's fingers are wrapped in his own.

[little_moons]

"I've got two four-year-old step-daughters. You think I look fuckin' fatherly?" I ask with a smirk, rolling my eyes at the idea of it. I've seen those looks of skepticism on people's faces when they see me with the girls, before they find out they're not technically mine.

"If I'd known all it takes is a fuckin' haircut, I'd have done it ages ago."

[not_the_grim]

"You know what they say, you learn something new everyday," Sirius replies, and briefly touches an index finger to the side of his nose with a smirk. "Better make your appointment at the island salon now, you're already behind."

He ducks his head, wonders where the time has gone. It doesn't seem quite real that those little girls can already be four. "They're growing up quite fast," he adds, quieter, and then glances back to Neil. "That's what people say, as well, isn't it?" He'd never truly understood the notion before now.

[little_moons]

"I know, man. It's fuckin' crazy. Sometimes I think they're already smarter than me," I admit with a rumble of laughter. Time keeps movin' on. They're getting older, we're all getting older. Pretty soon, my wedding anniversary's coming up. Pretty soon, it's going to be Thanksgiving, and Christmas and all these things I'm gonna have to deal with on my own.

"Your birthday's in a few weeks, right?" I say instead, 'cause that's a day that doesn't seem so fuckin' terrifying.

[not_the_grim]

Neil knows the answer to that well enough, which means he's asking for some other purpose. Sirius arches a slightly dubious eyebrow.

"Yes," he slowly replies. "Why?"

[little_moons]

"I dunno. You're getting older, too," I shrug, grinning at that look on his face. "Thought maybe we might do somethin'. Think you'd be okay with that?"

[not_the_grim]

Sirius pushes a hand through the hair at the crown of his head, scratches briefly at the scalp and then shrugs. "I reckon so, if you think it's worth the effort. You mean a party, yeah?"

The only proper birthday parties he's ever had were thrown for him by James and Remus, and he's not had a single one in his time on the island. In the end it'll be more for Neil and Harry than himself, but that's all right.

[little_moons]

"No, I meant an orgy," I mutter, rolling my eyes with a snort of laughter, "Yeah, just... somethin' small. Wouldn't be much effort."

I can tell that he's not jumping for fuckin' joy at the idea, but I think it could be good for him. Good for all of us.

[not_the_grim]

"You only turn twenty-four once," Sirius allows, and offers Neil a wry smile. He's grateful for the gesture even if he's not entirely certain what to do with it. "Will there be cake and little paper hats?"

[little_moons]

Snorting out a laugh, I say, "Are you tellin' me you want little paper hats? 'Cause I will get you fuckin' paper hats."

Just 'cause he's mentioned them, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna require them. For him, only.