over-analyzation: my anti-prozac

Jun 13, 2005 14:35

SOULMATE - one simple compound word with the capability of driving one completely insane.
the idea that there is that singular someone, who is the answer to your prayers, and someone that comepletes the other metaphysical missing part of you.
COMPLETiON - is that really what we're looking for? not someone but something? that thing that presents itself in a perfect entirety that can fix everything; futhermore, since this missing part of you seems to present itself in the form of loneliness, do we really just personify this completion into a 'special somone'? Therefore, since you are aching for this wholeness, you find someone just as incompelete as you are, and together you can fix one another: two halves of one whole person.

wouldn't it be better then, to just fix yourself, before you go looking for all the half pieces? if we are never really happy with ourselves, how can we ever be expected to be completely happy with someone else?

on the other hand, there is that ever present upside to the situation: you have already found that person, and you are so happy that it breaks you inside. you want to be the best part of what you are capable of being - not just for them, but for yourself as well.
what happens, if you are so insecure with yourself, that you inevitably fuck it up? you are so happy, that there is nothing left for you, but to screw something up. what then? do you admit to that emmenssly humbling realization that it is in fact just you and not them; or do you fix yourself before you can return to them? in that case, will they even accept that leave of absence self-evaluation? would it be better for yourself to break your ego before your 'other' and leave the verdict up to them - therby leaving you completely vulnerable and naked? or walk away with whatever peice of self-delluded image that you have of yourself and spit and shine, until you can peace with your reflection...happy with what's in the mirror, huh? tell that to alice.
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