just an update
Its crazy how quickly things change. I never would have thought a year ago that i'd be having a baby. I never would have thought i'd drop out either. I wonder if things would be the same if i would have stayed in school. I wouldn't have seen Vince as much, and we probably wouldn't have gotten as seriouse. And maybe i wouldn't have a baby right now..but well, maybe i would. Who knows. Its just crazy to think about what could have been.
Becoming a mom is a big slap in the face. I have to get up at 2 in the morning, because my little guy needs me to wipe the shit off his ass. He needs me to feed him, and just to comfort him when he wakes up for no reason at all. There are times when i want to ignore it and keep sleeping, but i know i cant because he's counting on me, and thats the weirdest thing in the world. His life depends on me waking up and feeding him. Its scary having somebody rely on you for everything. And it'll be this way for the rest of my life. I mean i wont always be cleaning his poop diapers, but he'll need me to be there for him forever. Its not like a dog that will pass away in 15 years. Im in it for the long run, no turning back.
But i wouldn't turn back even if i could. Its a scary feeling, but its the best feeling in the world. Me and vince created a life, a little person. I grew him inside of me, and now he's here. I feel like its the only thing i've ever done right. I mean...i know im a fuck up. I dropped out, i was a pot head for years, didn't feel like having a job...but that doesn't matter anymore. Its like a fresh start. i have a chance to be great at something. I have a chance to raise this baby and i hope he'll turn out great. I want to teach him morals and ethics, and how to be a good person, but still stand up for yourself and have your own opinions and not be afraid to let people know what they are. I want to teach him how to take responsibility for his actions, and be a man about things...fess up when he does something wrong, and not be afraid to ask for help. I want him to be open minded, and excepting to all people, or at least give people a chance before he shuts them out. there are so many things, and i just prey i do it right. I cant afford to mess this up, he's depending on me.
p.s. he's sleeping in my arms right now, and its the best feeling ever.
Becoming a mom is a big slap in the face. I have to get up at 2 in the morning, because my little guy needs me to wipe the shit off his ass. He needs me to feed him, and just to comfort him when he wakes up for no reason at all. There are times when i want to ignore it and keep sleeping, but i know i cant because he's counting on me, and thats the weirdest thing in the world. His life depends on me waking up and feeding him. Its scary having somebody rely on you for everything. And it'll be this way for the rest of my life. I mean i wont always be cleaning his poop diapers, but he'll need me to be there for him forever. Its not like a dog that will pass away in 15 years. Im in it for the long run, no turning back.
But i wouldn't turn back even if i could. Its a scary feeling, but its the best feeling in the world. Me and vince created a life, a little person. I grew him inside of me, and now he's here. I feel like its the only thing i've ever done right. I mean...i know im a fuck up. I dropped out, i was a pot head for years, didn't feel like having a job...but that doesn't matter anymore. Its like a fresh start. i have a chance to be great at something. I have a chance to raise this baby and i hope he'll turn out great. I want to teach him morals and ethics, and how to be a good person, but still stand up for yourself and have your own opinions and not be afraid to let people know what they are. I want to teach him how to take responsibility for his actions, and be a man about things...fess up when he does something wrong, and not be afraid to ask for help. I want him to be open minded, and excepting to all people, or at least give people a chance before he shuts them out. there are so many things, and i just prey i do it right. I cant afford to mess this up, he's depending on me.
p.s. he's sleeping in my arms right now, and its the best feeling ever.