Not actually written today
Hey, i kind of cheated, i wrote a journal thing while working at the physics building, yesterday, cause i wanted to waste time and not do homework. it probably won't make a whole lot of sense, at times, cause i pretty much just wrote it for my benefit, and so i knew what i was talking about. anyway, good luck, and here it is:
but first: -where i say "whipping these things out", i am referring to journal entries. i felt a need to explain that. carry on.
Feb. 23, 2004
You're just whipping these things out, now, aren't you adam? That's cool, i'm glad, you just better be feelin wise, now, boy, or else. that adam reading this in the future will come kick your ass. uh, so the induction went well, the formal thing was very cool, even though it was obvious that the guys putting it on were nervous as hell, unfortunately. Like, i didn't mind, it's just that it's so unnecessary, them being nervous. I can understand it, though, since they were trying to memorize. But hey, we, the new boys, weren't judging, or at least i wasn't, and i'm guessing their regular brothers weren't judging. Although... john? is that his name? he was talking bad about some of the brothers, and i seem to remember someone else doing the same. i don't get that. it seems so stuck up. i don't know, i guess i only like tj, rett, and maybe brian of the new guys, not a big fan of josh (?) and hairy guy (?), so who am i to say? I'm really happy that i got chris as a big brother, even though i didn't request him. i just shouldn't have listed any names, really. water under the bridge, though. i hope these guys like me, i realize i just need to relax around them. but when i say i hope they like me, i'm not saying i'm gonna beat myself up worrying about it. it's their problem too. i hope they hope i like them.
Let's talk about jenn now. Remember, adam, thinking way back when, wouldn't it be great to have a girl to be real with? (recognize here, adam, that you should actually say, "wouldn't it be great to be real with a girl?") you should try it with her. when she asked you if you would really call her, that was hot, right? that made you want to call her ten times more, right? well, there ya go. it's worth it to say what you think. do your best to be on stage, adam, not in the audience, ok? live a little, and go for it. i'm a little concerned that beatty said she was a delta zeta, then quoted apparently one of their expressions; "easy dee-zee". i don't want her to be like that, and i'm hoping very much that she's not. like, again, don't judge her if she is.... don't do want you think she thinks is cool, either, adam. at least, not because she thinks it's cool. well, like, be good to her, flirtatious even, at least mildly so. maybe i'm grabbing at straws when i see evidence that she might be cool really. these reasons are:
1. she has friends in the band. she made fun of them, but maybe just because she thought it was uncool to support them. i realize that that would be kind of crappy of her, but i understand it, and it makes me feel warm inside that she would do that for me. if that is really what she was doing.
2. her parents listen to journey, and she never really denied liking them too; hopefully she just didn't want to admit it, thinking she'd seem uncool for my sake, er, her sake, yeah, you get it.
3. dance major! cool really any way you slice it, regardless of if she's angi's roommate-style sorority girl. like, superficially i'm thinking hot but honestly, even more than that, i'm thinking "this is a free spirit. a really interesting person."
4. her friend tiff was finding guys for her, guys looking for a nice girl. hopefully nice to tiff didn't mean attractive and easy, hopefully it meant unpretentious and although slightly reserved, self assured. like i'm pretending to be (joke, adam!). she definitely seemed confident on the way back, and oh yeah:
5. she had amused/disgusted reactions to tiff's off-color statements about promiscuity. maybe she picked up on my conservatism, and was again doing it for my benefit. if they were genuine, "this is how i really feel" reactions, it means she's classy; or it could be, she recognizes my conservative-ness, is mimicking it so that i like her more. or she's mimicking my conservativeness because she just wants my body. of the three, i prefer the first: classy. really, i do. no, really. ...ok, the body thing would be neat, yes. very neat. but class is so much more attractive (and it feels like it puts more pressure on me, but so what?). and if it's the second, that's fine too. obviously i too am a people pleaser at times, though i fight it, and i don't really care if she is too to some degree. (ha, adam, at this point i would like to point out that you too made fun of the song (sweet home alabama) that got you guys talking about parents' music, so you too were people pleasing. it's cool to make fun of yourself, just make sure you make it clear that you're not doing it so she/other people like you more.)
So that's what i'm thinking. ugh, i'm also thinking i shouldn't be obsessing this much over her, i could also see us not being together long (or at all), especially if she's 'sorority girl' as exemplified by angi's roommate. eh, play it like she's how you want her to be. she'll figure out the kind of guy you are and the kind of girl you're looking for, and if she's not that kind of girl she won't like your kind of guy, and don't be hurt when she ditches you. hmm, that was a very sad sentence. anyway, moving on to cheerier "i'm a good person" kind of things, i could make a list as to why i think my frat brothas are cool really as well, mostly consisting of them not liking the Summit. which probably means that they are not cool enough for the summit, which definitely means that i have a better chance with them. That last sentence, adam, i think was a regression. don't do that. you are cool enough for them, even if they are too cool for the Summit. maybe they are! maybe, like, they think the guys and girls there all have "moist hands" as shakespeare would say, which would mean that they don't dig that kind of behavior! i've also heard evidence to think they do, in fact, dig that kind of behavior. but i'm pretty sure that not all of them do, and i think that then i would stand an even better chance with them, cause i have class. i definitely think brandon has class, too, and i'm sad that i haven't hung out with him more. i should definitely try to be more friendly with him. i should play pool with him tomorrow. i don't know. am i supposed to like chris the best now? probably not. i mean, get close to chris and everything, but you can get close to other guys too. i think gill is a fan of the summit. i kind of think john (?) is too, and that that's why he doesn't like gill. that kind of makes sense to me. it speaks poorly of john and gill both. but i can still be good to them, especially if they're gonna buy me beers and wendy's "because that's what [my brothers are there] for" as i was told last night. that's tight. and if these guys really have class, they'll like me the best of the new recruits, because i think i've handled myself well, shown that i'm cool and wise and smart. whoa there. i think i should regress from that last statement. too proud by half, adam. anyway, adam, now that you've got the words flowing, i think you can tackle Othello again. 3 HOURS AFTER YOU CAME TO WORK TO DO IT! sigh, it's cool. rephrase that as $24 AFTER YOU CAME TO WORK TO DO IT! i really hope that in a month i don't think that list up there is the silliest, naive-est thing i ever wrote. well, whateva.
Ah! i just remembered! she seemed sad that i was going home this weekend! it's ridiculous how bad you got it, adam, after knowing her for like 2 hours.
anyway, go away adam! do work! although you should definitely write like this before writing an assignment. creativity abounds. adieu.
So yeah, that's what i wrote, and i haven't even edited it since deciding to livejournal-post it. i had originally planned to do that kind of writing when i felt like wasting time, and i would say what i really wanted to say knowing that no one would read it, but i realize that that's kind of silly. i'm pretty sure that you'll like me because i'm awesome, not because i've edited my flaws out of a live journal post. see, like, i'm not even gonna erase that line about me being awesome.