high on to-do lists
(prepare for a seemingly oh-so-dramatic bloggy:) So, I've decided that I'm never satisfied with life. (see, I told ya so;) I'm trying to figure out why that is. During the school year, when I am loaded down with work and SV and fastpaceness consumes my life, all I can seem to think about is finding relief. I whine, I complain, I get restless and think if I could just get a break, if I could just be done with school, oh how I long to just read a book for an afternoon or work in my yard, or have time to spend just hanging out with my roommates, then I would be satisfied. A balance would be found in life and all would be right and well and I would be content. I pray so hard for that and then when God gives me my desire- I recently have spent much time with friends and roommates and I read an entire Francine Rivers book and have had ample amount of sleep (9 hours at night and naps, woohoo!) and am able to just be at home and work on my house, work in the garden area, have plenty of time to spend with the Lord etc., this really useless and purposeless feeling comes over me. I am not content. I want more. I live right now for my to-do list. The extreme satisfaction I recieve when I check items off of my little yellow piece of paper is so wonderfully like a high (clarification- I don't actually know what the illegal type feels like). It gives me structure and order and control and purpose. In all honesty though, my to-do list is rather small right now. I am really having to dig to find work to do. How lame am I? Who wants to live for a to-do list anyway? This isn't the life I want... even though it truly is awesome. But what do I really want? Outwardly, I have no reason to complain. Inwardly though I think the Lord is trying to show me something- which is probably where the problem is anyway. I have no idea what these people are talking about when they are all "I'm so content with life no matter what my circumstances are". I might have even been one of those that uttered the statement once or twice but I have no idea where that came from. If I were talking to Michelle Beckman about this, she would probably first, affirm my feelings and tell me that she understands and would identify with me by explaining how she feels that way all the time and then when I ask her, "Michelle, what is it that I really truly want?" she would probably reply with something like "Well Ashleyson(just kidding,start over)...Well, whenever I am feeling like this, I bring it to the Lord and wrestle with him on it and offer him all my demands and desires and eventually he brings me to the end of myself so that he can show me that what I truly want is Him." That is so true. I truly do want more of Jesus. How that fleshes itself out in my life? I have no idea.
So, I just googled contentment on biblegateway...hmm...rather I biblegatewayed "contentment" on biblegateway and these are the results that came up. Apparently there are three verses in the bible that speak of contentment directly. I don't know if I find any of them to be much help (unless you are about to get married and in that case, the song of solomon verse might be of some encouragement...cough becca...:) right off but here ya go:
Job 36:11
If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.
Song of Solomon 8:10
[ Beloved ] I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.
1 Timothy 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
Anyhow, I don't neccessarily want resolve and a quick fix, just some processing time on my bloggy and perhaps someone that can honestly say, "I know what you mean":)
So, I just googled contentment on biblegateway...hmm...rather I biblegatewayed "contentment" on biblegateway and these are the results that came up. Apparently there are three verses in the bible that speak of contentment directly. I don't know if I find any of them to be much help (unless you are about to get married and in that case, the song of solomon verse might be of some encouragement...cough becca...:) right off but here ya go:
Job 36:11
If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.
Song of Solomon 8:10
[ Beloved ] I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.
1 Timothy 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
Anyhow, I don't neccessarily want resolve and a quick fix, just some processing time on my bloggy and perhaps someone that can honestly say, "I know what you mean":)