i came as a rat
Bruce just went to Cafe Aeon with Jen. I stayed here. To use the computer and waste my life away. I was thinking about going biking today but biking alone really fucking blows. Anyone want to get some playing cards and put them in our spokes and terrorize the neighborhood. I stole some Marlboro Reds from my Mom and we could ride out to the forest to smoke one.
Man, being a kid was cool.
I watched Apocalypse Now Redux last night. It was awesome but I started to get tired so I fell asleep and had the worst dream ever.
I was dreaming that I was laying in my bed at Bruce's about to go to sleep and Howie came in my room and sat down on the floor and started talking to me. I was all, "Howie what do you want?" and he just looked at me, spite and hate brewing around in his eyes. He says, nonchalantly, "Mary, today is the only day that you've never made me happy." and I say, "Howie, what a strange thing to say." and he, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." And he walks out.
This pisses me off quite a bit and hurts my feelings, so I get up out of bed and walk through the door and suddenly I'm in my parent's living room. My Mom and my sister Katie are sitting in the dark watching television. But it's Bruce's television. I think they're eating popcorn. They don't say anything to me, but I can feel the oppressive emotion of disappointment that they have for me. I hear music coming from the basement, and I go to open the door. My sister Amy is having a party and I ask if I can come downstairs and hang out with her and her friends, even though I don't really want to because they're all 16 year old kids, I don't want to be in the living room. Amy slams the door in my face and I fight a bit to push it open but she just tells me to fuck off and I leave. I'm feeling pretty rejected and the doorbell rings. I run through the living room where my mom and sister are sitting watching television, but it looks like Bruce's living room now. I'm confused, but I answer the door. My hair is a mess and I'm sweaty from mowing the lawn earlier that day and I look pretty unattractive, I'm wearing my jeans all rolled up like a little redneck. I open the door and it's a really good looking young man, wearing a suit. I don't know this person but I know that he is successful and that he is here to take me out on a date. I like this man a good deal but I am horribly embarrassed that I have forgotten our date. And go to get clean and nicely dressed. He grabs my arm and tells me he likes me the way I am and my Mom starts laughing and telling me that he is a horrible person and her and my sister Katie start berating me, telling me that I'm worth nothing and telling me that I get what I deserve and I'm horrified because they are making this nice man want to leave. So we leave. We get into his car and for some reason my sister Katie comes along. She sits in the back seat. We start to drive and I have a feeling like no one knows where we are going. For some reason we end up on a dirt road, it feels like we are on a mountain. I notice that we are driving with no headlights, I say something to my attractive date about this, he seems unaffected and he also seems like he has no idea how to drive. All the sudden, my sister Katie says, very calmly "Are we going to hit that tree?" and the headlights pop on right as we spin and crash sideways into the tree. Then we begin to freefall down the side of the mountain. Tumbling in air down to the bottom. I scream "I love you, Katie." to my sister but she is already dead and I reach for my date but he is gone. I'm alone and falling to my death. It takes forever, I'm just stuck in this car and I know I'm going to die and all I can think of is: Can it please come quicker because waiting for death is too cruel.
I woke up and I was alone in my bed here. There were tears streaming down my cheeks. I was still breathing heavily. It was awful. I wanted so much to talk to someone. Anyone. Just then. I felt so alone and disconnected. Luckily Howie was here and I just went back out to the living room and watched the end of Apocalypse Now Redux. I walked right out at the part where Marlon Brando says "THEY TRAIN THEM TO DROP FIRE ON PEOPLE BUT SAY THEY CAN'T WRITE THINGS ON THE SIDE OF THEIR PLANES BECAUSE IT'S OBSCENE!" or something to that effect. Which I thought was funny, because they were showing the film on AMC, the extended version, uncut a violent disturbing film, but they were dubbing over the curse words.
Yea, so that's another one of my ridiculously long and involved posts where I ramble absolutely too much.
Man, being a kid was cool.
I watched Apocalypse Now Redux last night. It was awesome but I started to get tired so I fell asleep and had the worst dream ever.
I was dreaming that I was laying in my bed at Bruce's about to go to sleep and Howie came in my room and sat down on the floor and started talking to me. I was all, "Howie what do you want?" and he just looked at me, spite and hate brewing around in his eyes. He says, nonchalantly, "Mary, today is the only day that you've never made me happy." and I say, "Howie, what a strange thing to say." and he, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." And he walks out.
This pisses me off quite a bit and hurts my feelings, so I get up out of bed and walk through the door and suddenly I'm in my parent's living room. My Mom and my sister Katie are sitting in the dark watching television. But it's Bruce's television. I think they're eating popcorn. They don't say anything to me, but I can feel the oppressive emotion of disappointment that they have for me. I hear music coming from the basement, and I go to open the door. My sister Amy is having a party and I ask if I can come downstairs and hang out with her and her friends, even though I don't really want to because they're all 16 year old kids, I don't want to be in the living room. Amy slams the door in my face and I fight a bit to push it open but she just tells me to fuck off and I leave. I'm feeling pretty rejected and the doorbell rings. I run through the living room where my mom and sister are sitting watching television, but it looks like Bruce's living room now. I'm confused, but I answer the door. My hair is a mess and I'm sweaty from mowing the lawn earlier that day and I look pretty unattractive, I'm wearing my jeans all rolled up like a little redneck. I open the door and it's a really good looking young man, wearing a suit. I don't know this person but I know that he is successful and that he is here to take me out on a date. I like this man a good deal but I am horribly embarrassed that I have forgotten our date. And go to get clean and nicely dressed. He grabs my arm and tells me he likes me the way I am and my Mom starts laughing and telling me that he is a horrible person and her and my sister Katie start berating me, telling me that I'm worth nothing and telling me that I get what I deserve and I'm horrified because they are making this nice man want to leave. So we leave. We get into his car and for some reason my sister Katie comes along. She sits in the back seat. We start to drive and I have a feeling like no one knows where we are going. For some reason we end up on a dirt road, it feels like we are on a mountain. I notice that we are driving with no headlights, I say something to my attractive date about this, he seems unaffected and he also seems like he has no idea how to drive. All the sudden, my sister Katie says, very calmly "Are we going to hit that tree?" and the headlights pop on right as we spin and crash sideways into the tree. Then we begin to freefall down the side of the mountain. Tumbling in air down to the bottom. I scream "I love you, Katie." to my sister but she is already dead and I reach for my date but he is gone. I'm alone and falling to my death. It takes forever, I'm just stuck in this car and I know I'm going to die and all I can think of is: Can it please come quicker because waiting for death is too cruel.
I woke up and I was alone in my bed here. There were tears streaming down my cheeks. I was still breathing heavily. It was awful. I wanted so much to talk to someone. Anyone. Just then. I felt so alone and disconnected. Luckily Howie was here and I just went back out to the living room and watched the end of Apocalypse Now Redux. I walked right out at the part where Marlon Brando says "THEY TRAIN THEM TO DROP FIRE ON PEOPLE BUT SAY THEY CAN'T WRITE THINGS ON THE SIDE OF THEIR PLANES BECAUSE IT'S OBSCENE!" or something to that effect. Which I thought was funny, because they were showing the film on AMC, the extended version, uncut a violent disturbing film, but they were dubbing over the curse words.
Yea, so that's another one of my ridiculously long and involved posts where I ramble absolutely too much.