Apartment above Stark Industries, Saturday Evening
Taking a deep breath at being home, Tony collapsed back onto the impeccable couch Pepper had picked out for him. Maybe he should have stopped by the clinic about getting some pain meds, but right now all he wanted to do was sleep.
The fact that there was no greeting from Jarvis upon entering the apartment hadn't even crossed his mind yet.
There's a chair turned away from the door, and a hard voice drifts up from it. "You're out of beer, Stark."
"...excuse me?" Now he had to be hallucinating here. "Jarvis, call the police."
There's no response. Not from Jarvis. Not from the seated figure.
Well, there's a disappointed sigh, but that's all.
"Jarvis?" Tony reached for a spare part he had in the living room. "Look, I don't know who you think you are, but I really doubt breaking and entering is the best move here."
"I'm not here," the black man explained. As if it were obvious.
"Excuse me?"
"I am not here," he repeated, as if talking to a four year old. An especially slow four year old. "Your security system has no record of either my presence or of shutting down. There has been no travel to or from the island in the past six hours, and I'm at a party with a couple dozen highly respected men in Washington right now."
Setting the part down, Tony gave him a dark look. "Let me guess, another SHIELD agent."
"And you're supposed to be a genius." The sarcastic tone was accompanied by an extravagant eyeroll. Because otherwise Stark might miss it.
"Look, I'm happy you felt kind enough to get Ross off my back, but-- And I'll say this as slowly as I can so you'll understand. I'm. Not. Doing. Military. Contracts."
"Who said anything about military contracts?" Because, really, he hadn't heard anyone do that.
"Then what do you want?" Tony asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You, Stark. I want you."
"Charming as that is." Tony smiled in a way that implied very much to the contrary. "I'm going to have to say no. Despite whatever rumors you've heard in the tabloids."
"I believe," the voice was completely unperturbed, "that you misunderstood me. I want you. I want Iron Man."
"Iron Man," Tony replied dryly. "I should've known the papers would pick a name."
Technically it was titanium alloy.
"I can assure you that the analyst who assigned the name to the file has been fired." Idiots. Half his staff were idiots. And then there were the people he'd hired.
"Now, do we have a deal?" Because, obviously, there wasn't anything else that needed to be said.
"What exactly do you want--" Oh, he was amused by the name now. "--Iron Man for?"
"SHIELD is assembling a team. Your name is on the recruiting list." It was as simple as that. Really...
"What kind of team?"
"A team to deal with... extraordinary incidents. Such as that whole Blonsky mess." That last is said with disgust. That idiot Ross.
Right, because he did a fabulous job getting himself a concussion trying to do that.
"And who else is on this list?"
"I'm sure I couldn't tell you." Unless, you know, he wanted to.
"Well." Tony smiled. "I guess you're already down one member."
Apparently conveying an eyeroll while wearing an eyepatch is a learned skill. And someone has learned it well.
"Please, Mister Stark, let's not let your ego get you into trouble." Because the man in the chair is totally egoless. Really.
Tony had an ego that could smother a small town with it's size. "As much as I would love to get into bed with a shady government agency without so much as an idea just what they want... I'll pass until you feel like sharing."
"Do you know what the first line of your SHIELD dossier says, Mister Stark?" No, that's not a nonsequiter.
"Doesn't work well with others?" Tony suggested.
"That's line three. Line one is 'clear indicators of a classic hero complex'." The tone is still the patient dealing-with-a-petulant-child one. "And you keep going out there and nearly getting you and everyone around you killed."
Remember Blonsky?
That snapped Tony out of whatever false cheer he had before. "Listen. All I did was fix the mistakes your people made."
If Tony thought the voice was cold before, he quickly found out differently. "Those," the tone was cold enough to cause frostbite, "were not my people."
Fury doesn't employ people that stupid.
"Good to know," Tony shot back, raising his voice now. "Now either tell me what the hell you actually want or get out of my store."
If Nicholas Fury were the sort of man to burst into uncontrolled laughter, the idea of Tony Stark somehow forcibly ejecting him from anywhere would certainly have set him off.
As it was, he simply pushed himself up out of the chair and loomed in Tony's direction. "I want you on the Avengers." Yeah. The guy who had named that file had been fired too.
"Avengers?" Tony gave him a look. "Hiring fresh out of college were we?"
"Look, Stark. You and I both know that you're going to take your suit out again sometime. You'll try to save the day all by yourself. And you'll get someone killed."
That one eyes bored in on both of Tony's. "If we're lucky, it'll be you." Because otherwise it'll be the civilians.
"Is this a probation?" Tony asked, not backing down from him. He'd delt with plenty of military men and that was just never an option when you wanted to win with them.
"If you're in, you're in. None of this 'trial period' bull."
Fury half-smirked. "But you screw up? I kick your shiny metal ass."
"Don't think this means I'm a soldier," Tony said, lifting his chin haughtily.
"Damn straight you're not." Tony's not man enough to be one.
Fury's body language took on an air of 'and now that that's done...' "Glad you saw sense, Mister Stark." He would have hated to have to manipulate you... or... something.
"Great." Tony flashed another oh so happy grin. "Now get out. And next time? Let Pepper know when you need to speak with me. Instead of committing a felony."
"What felony was that?" Fury didn't bother turning as he walked toward the door.
He was never here, after all.
Asshole.
Tony turned away to one of the control panels to fix whatever he did to Jarvis.
"Oh," Fury said suddenly. "Five minutes after I walk out the door your security system will come back online. And so will all the bugs you've got in here."
And then he was gone.
"..." Tony looked around, wheels already turning. "Shit."
Well, he was going to have a very busy week.
[[Fury is very NFB, preplayed with the awesome sorella_vecchia And oooopen for interaction.]]