[ mix ] All Alone Now - An Arizona Robbins fanmix + 8 drabbles
out of the woods - foals | demons - imagine dragons | home - frida sundemo | no light, no light - florence + the machine | flaws - bastille | sad dream - sky ferreira | hurt - christina aguilera | ghosts that we knew - mumford & sons
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out of the woods - foals
Now I've finally found,
All my friends are in the clouds.
Alone now, in my head now,
All alone now, in my head.
It's times like these when I'm on my way back out of the woods,
I've never felt better than when I'm on my way out for good.
She never talks about it, never talks about her dreams. She doesn’t see tiny coffins anymore, she only sees trees, hear the animals and feels the pain. She’s always lost in the woods in her dreams. Sometimes she sees Tim, Nick and Mark there but the pain is too much for her to be happy about that. She screams for help but they disappear. Only when she wakes up and is out of the woods is that she remembers they are all gone. But then she turns and sees her wife in bed and she’s glad she’s out of the woods.
demons - imagine dragons
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Sometimes she wished she was dead. It was a dark thought, she knew but she couldn’t help it. In days when she struggled to get to the door or when the leg she didn’t have anymore hurt. These days she wished she was dead. These days were also the days she wanted Callie to stay away from her, she didn’t need to see that inside her. She didn’t want to let Callie down, she couldn’t do that on top of everything she’s already done. She knew she was doomed forever, though. She knew that maybe these thoughts, these demons, would never leave her.
home - frida sundemo
I am tossing all the wisdom, all that I've been told forever since
Words with jaded colors, jagged edges
Now I'm building me, and I will never let me fall apart
I stand firm
She knew she was not the same anymore, she was filled with anger and resentment but she couldn’t stand watching Callie cry. There in their bathroom she realized she needed to get better at least for her wife. She was angry and feeling broken like never before but she was home. She knew deep down that nothing would be like before, she felt as cold as ever inside but she could try to make things work, couldn’t she? She would stand firm - Oh, the irony - for Callie because even though she was angry, she still loved her more than anything.
no light, no light - florence + the machine
Would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done?
And would you need me,
If I told you what I've become?
She had done a terrible thing and Callie kept asking “why?” but she didn’t know. Callie wanted answers she didn’t have or rather didn’t want to give. Would Callie leave her for good now? She knew what she had done but she was struggling to accept who she had become, now the thing she feared the most was bound to happen. What could she say for Callie to stay? Sorry wasn’t enough, she knew that. Right now she was just praying for a God she didn’t believe in to help her make things right. She would do anything.
flaws - bastille
There's a hole in my soul
I can't fill it I can't fill it
There's a hole in my soul
Can you fill it? Can you fill it?
You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up; let's finish what we've started
Dig them up, so nothing's left unturned
She didn’t talk about her flaws, why would she? It didn’t do anyone any good. But now after all the pain and screams they both needed to talk about it. She had messed everything up but they could work it out, right? They were both bare, a blank page. They were open in front of each other. She felt empty inside and after all that happened it was unfair to ask Callie to make her whole again, in fact she didn’t even want that but she knew Callie was the only one able to fill her soul again.
sad dream - sky ferreira
I live by my own laws,
I stick to my guns and hold my head up to midnight sun
I hope the guilt will dim and fade,
The fire baptism engulfed in my shame
She was alone now. She knew it was her fault that this happened; now she was able to see that. Now she felt ashamed, she felt regret. How could she have said those things to her? She had lost her and all she had were dreams. She didn’t dream of the woods anymore. Her dreams were all filled with her with how things used to be or how they could’ve been. Sometimes she would take Callie in her arms and thank her for everything, something she couldn’t do anymore, but then Callie disappeared. Those were the sad dreams.
hurt - christina aguilera
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
Going to work? That was hell. They weren't friendly but they still talked for Sofia's sake and everytime Arizona wanted to scream she was sorry, that she was hurting, too. But she knew it wasn't fair to Callie, she's been unfair enough to her soon to be ex-wife, just the thought of that made her want to empty her stomach. She always knew her wife was strong but seeing her everyday handling everything the best way she could was something else. Arizona wished she was strong like that but her heart was in pieces, the nightmares had gone away but she still hides in on-call rooms, this time to cry over the life she messed up and she had no one to blame but herself.
ghosts that we knew - mumford & sons
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright
Arizona knew it was an stupid idea to get drunk around her wife, or soon to be ex? She didn't even know anymore. That confusion didn't stop her from going to Callie's apartment at three in the morning to ramble about how her life wasn't complete without the brunette, how she just wanted this chance to make things right again, "third time's the charm" she tried to joke but a wave of sobs rushed through her. "I know you hate me and that I don't deserve you but please, I can't live without you, Calliope." She tried to stop her body from shaking and the tears from blurring her vision, she was about to start another ramble about how senseless her life was when she heard the most miraculous voice saying, "I don't hate you, Arizona."