Battered Xander.
The conversation with Giles was upsetting....and that was for me and I didn't even hear most of his words, except when he was yelling. It wasn't like Giles to yell at Buffy. She had earned more then that and didn't need him, any watcher or even the Council anymore. She was taking the news worse then I was, but was doing the chin-up thing that she
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...and from what I had just heard from a badly injured Xander, they were both dead. Dealing with death is never easy, I've known this all my life... and especially when I first started being a slayer. There were a lot of things that I had learned to cope with, and one of them was the fact that it was impossible to save everyone. The difference here was that instead of going to find the slayers, and fighting like I should have been, I was here, kissing Angel. I wanted to know more about this without letting any more emotion seep through me at the moment. I was feeling so much here, especially since the battle that was going to take place was nothing short of easy.
"I picked up Maria and Anke at LAX, and this was after almost running over Spike and Faith fighting demons, with the Hummer. I toom them back into the fight a little north of where Spike and Faith were, but unfortunately, we were right in the pack of them and though we were fully-weaponed, they manhandled me and threw me into a building where I hit my head. When I looked up, Maria and Anke were both murdered and violated. This is all Angel's fault!"
I didn't know the slayers personally, but I remember Giles promoting them because they had excelled so greatly at being a slayer. I thought that Xander was going to try and kill Angel, but I think his main goal was to make him feel worse than he already was, to kick him when he was down. That was what Xander did... and even though I there was so much gray area that hadn't been discussed, I didn't really know what to say here. I just sat there, and tried to think about what the next move was going to be. Think about all the people that were dying out there, and then think about how I was going to talk to Giles. If he even wanted to talk anymore.
Xander looked terrible, and he needed some medical attention. He was bleeding first off, and I didn't know much about medical work. I was about to get in the middle of Angel and Xander, to calm everything down, when I realized that Angel wasn't going to fight Xander back. He was in rage not from Xander, but from himself.
"I'll get Connor and we'll take them down. No more slayers are dying in this. Nobody else, but the demons are dying in this. Spike and Faith are staying away from this. My son and I can take care of all of them."
Okay, maybe it won't be me and Connor. But, Spike and I can handle this. I won't jeopardize any more slayers!"
He ripped open a closet that housed many weapons, and I stood up. There was no way in hell he was getting past me. Not with that mindset, and sure as hell not with his physical condition. I stood in front of him, blocking his way to the door.
"There's no way in hell you're going anywhere, Angel."
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Okay, maybe it won't be me and Connor. But, Spike and I can handle this. I won't jeopardize any more slayers!"
Faster pussycat, go out and die, die, I thought, but saw that Buffy was going to get in his way. I was about to faint, but I knew enough to know that Angel deserved to go out there and die, just like Anke and Maria had.
"There's no way in hell you're going anywhere, Angel."
"No, Buffy, let him go. He's the one that got everyone into this mess, and now two slayers and probably thousands of people are dead. Your feelings for him aside, Buffy, he's responsible for this. The world would be better off if he had stayed dead when you had killed him the first time. The world will be better again if he were to go out and get killed, which those demons would..."
Buffy looked like she wanted to hit me, but I didn't care.
"I'm not the bad guy here, and I'm sure that Giles would be pretty much happy to see us leave and build a strategy at how to attck this, while Angel goes off and dies. What Giles won't like is you helping Angel. He may as well have murdered all of these people, two of my slayers, himself."
But, even though she knew I was right, I could tell in her eyes that it was always the same thing. Always Angel first, and what was right, second. Buffy may have been selfless and had saved the world so many times, but this one was one that she must have known that she had to let go. Angel was evil, even when he supposedly wasn't evil.
I felt like staking him myself, right here, right now.
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That determination on Buffy's face was something that told me that there was no way, physically, that she was going to let me leave and fight right now. Even at my best, getting by her was a risky proposition at best and now, she would thrash me worse then I was already injured and I knew that she would do it too, to keep me safe, unless I convinced her that it was Spike and I that could and should do this. We were already dead. Faith and Buffy, as great as they were, couldn't even handle this and two slayers, who had to be capable were already dead, dead because of me, and that was more then enough.
Xander was right. I couldn't even look at him with scorn right now.
"No, Buffy, let him go. He's the one that got everyone into this mess, and now two slayers and probably thousands of people are dead. Your feelings for him aside, Buffy, he's responsible for this. The world would be better off if he had stayed dead when you had killed him the first time. The world will be better again if he were to go out and get killed, which those demons would..."
"I'm not the bad guy here, and I'm sure that Giles would be pretty much happy to see us leave and build a strategy at how to attck this, while Angel goes off and dies. What Giles won't like is you helping Angel. He may as well have murdered all of these people, two of my slayers, himself."
"I have to do this, Buffy and it has to be me. If you fight with me, then the limited strength that I have right now is gone, and it will just be Spike and Faith out there. I have to get Faith out of there and get back into the fight with Spike. This is our battle...this...this is my battle. This happened because of something that I did, and I have...have to stop it without anyone else getting hurt, even if it means my life."
I tried to get past her, but she resisted, and held me. I tried to wrench away from her grip, and I found myself airborne and flying into the wall.
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That was something that I needed to keep telling myself so I could stop feeling like I was in the wrong here. Maybe, that was exactly what grey matter was. I gave Xander a glare that should have pierced him. I did not want to hear what he had to say right now, especially since...well, I just didn't.
"I have to do this, Buffy and it has to be me. If you fight with me, then the limited strength that I have right now is gone, and it will just be Spike and Faith out there. I have to get Faith out of there and get back into the fight with Spike. This is our battle...this...this is my battle. This happened because of something that I did, and I have...have to stop it without anyone else getting hurt, even if it means my life."
He tried to get away from my grip, and he was definitely gaining his strength back...but it wasn't all that he had. I'd fought with all he had before. He tried again, and I knew that he wasn't going to stop this nonsense unless I did something else. Now, I wasn't feeling sorry anymore, because there was no room for that. Now... I was just getting angry.
"No.."
He tried again, and I threw him into the wall.
"How are you going to do that, Angel? You don't have enough strength. You said it yourself. Two very capable slayers have just died out there, so what makes you think that you're going to even put a dent in the damage out there? Both you and Spike were found, nearly dead when I got here, and as long as I'm here, it's not going to happen again. You want to do something, then you're going to have to let me help you. Don't you dare think that you're getting out of here without going through me first, you do that Angel, you prove to me that we're not on the same side anymore!"
I was yelling, because the frustration that I felt, and the hurt that I was feeling fused into one, and I couldn't take it anymore. There was no way that Angel was getting out of this building unless we were all with him, and we had a plan. Xander looked at me like he was going to say something, and as much as I loved him and hated how this was where we were going to catch up, I was not going to hear it.
"Don't Xander."
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I could deal with the last part being true, and I wanted him to go out there, just like he had said. He deserved to die. Only I knew that Buffy wasn't going to see it that way.
She pushed him airborne and into a wall. That was kinda nice to see, I had to admit, but what it meant, was that if Angel was determined to go ou there, then Buffy would be going with him, which was the worst thing that I could imagine.
"How are you going to do that, Angel? You don't have enough strength. You said it yourself. Two very capable slayers have just died out there, so what makes you think that you're going to even put a dent in the damage out there? Both you and Spike were found, nearly dead when I got here, and as long as I'm here, it's not going to happen again. You want to do something, then you're going to have to let me help you. Don't you dare think that you're getting out of here without going through me first, you do that Angel, you prove to me that we're not on the same side anymore!"
"Buffy, we have to get Faith out of there. If Angel wants to go out there and fight with Captain peroxide, then more power to them, but Maria and Anke are dead and the only way that we are getting back into this is with a full scale assault with a lot of slayers, which I don't think Giles is going to go for."
He would be upset...very upset and also filled with some sorrow over Anke and Maria's death, but he had sent them. Still, he was going to blame this on Angel, and rightly so.
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"How are you going to do that, Angel? You don't have enough strength. You said it yourself. Two very capable slayers have just died out there, so what makes you think that you're going to even put a dent in the damage out there? Both you and Spike were found, nearly dead when I got here, and as long as I'm here, it's not going to happen again. You want to do something, then you're going to have to let me help you. Don't you dare think that you're getting out of here without going through me first, you do that Angel, you prove to me that we're not on the same side anymore!"
I put my head down. She had a point, and I didn't want Buffy to feel that I wasn't on her side. I wanted her by my side forever and didn't want her to leave. After all that I had been through, I knew where my loyalties were and I wouldn't betray them again, at any cost, except for this one last time. I had to get out there and fight. That's what I did. I'm a fighter.
"Buffy, we have to get Faith out of there. If Angel wants to go out there and fight with Captain peroxide, then more power to them, but Maria and Anke are dead and the only way that we are getting back into this is with a full scale assault with a lot of slayers, which I don't think Giles is going to go for."
Right about now, I felt like breaking Xander's neck or at least his face. He didn't know all of the facts and though, at first, I felt guilty over it all, he was just rubbing it in now. I didn't kill those slayers.
"Look, Xander, Giles sent those slayers here, knowing that Buffy was here. If he would have sent them her,e then the four of us could have mobilized. There deaths are on Giles, not me. You don't know what happened here, Xander, so don't judge me. I'm getting sick and tired of hearing it! So you can just leave."
I looked at Buffy. I didn't want this to turn ou this way, but it had and now, we had to react and react wisely.
"Buffy, I did this. I didn't do this to have what happened, happen, and I didn't know it would happen, but I'm feeling better and I have to get out there. My son's out there, Buffy...I have to help Faith, and even Spike, and I have to save those innocents. I don't want to alienate you, that's the last thing that I want to do. In fact, I've lost so much that I've come to realize that I don't want to lose you, ever...ever again. If you have to fight with me, I won't like it, because I don't want you in danger, but one way or the other, we have to get out there."
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...and he was okay with that. When I saw him waking up after being thrown through that wall, I could tell the shock in his eyes that he had actually woken up. He was going through this fight just like I had a little over a year ago. Death was something that we had to expect. But not this time, not when there was a way to stop it. I wasn't really sure how, but I knew that there had to be some way.
"Buffy, I did this. I didn't do this to have what happened, happen, and I didn't know it would happen, but I'm feeling better and I have to get out there. My son's out there, Buffy...I have to help Faith, and even Spike, and I have to save those innocents. I don't want to alienate you, that's the last thing that I want to do. In fact, I've lost so much that I've come to realize that I don't want to lose you, ever...ever again. If you have to fight with me, I won't like it, because I don't want you in danger, but one way or the other, we have to get out there."
It was pointless to keep arguing like this, especially with all of us and our guards up.
"Okay."
I oculdn't believe I said that, but Xander and Angel were both right in one aspect. Faith was out there. Spike was out there, and so was his son. We all had that objective in common.
"If we go out there, we go out there to help Faith, Spike, and your son. We need to get them back here so we can recooperate and go out together. It's not going to get any easier out there than it was when you were out with your friends, Angel. What makes you think that this time around is going to be any different? We need a different plan,,, one with all of us."
That didn't sound like me at all. I needed to be out there with Faith. I needed to be fighting, and Angel was feeling the same way. I looked over at Xander, who was extremely mad, and who was hurt pretty badly. Trying to stop both of these guys was almost like trying to stop a freight train on a dime.
They had more in common than they thought.
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When Buffy said okay, she wasn't saying okay to helping me get Faith out. She was saying okay to helping Angel. That's why she was here and it was the sad reality of the moment. Faith wouldn't listen to orders either, and for me, fighting would be about getting Faith out of there by running over demons with my hummer. I could barely stand as it was.
"Buffy, you're not going out there to fight to get Faith out of there or to help Spike or even to help Angel's son. You're going out there first and foremost because Angel's going and you want to protect him. There's no talking sense into you. You won't take the side of the people that care about you...not when the option of taking Angel or Spike's side is there..."
This pained me as I headed towards the door and past Angel. "I'm going off on my own, in the hummer. If I can't convince Faith to come back to us, then my work here is done. It'll be up to Giles to see if you get any Council help from there."
I walked outside, and then rushed to the hummer, my own thoughts of right and wrong and loyalty to Buffy, betraying me.
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I disagreed, except for when we were first in that alley and then on the street, fighting together, that I wasn't as banged up as I am now. Xander's presence was irritating me, partially because he was right, and more, because he and Giles were so wrong. But, what he said threw me, and stunned Buffy.
"Buffy, you're not going out there to help Faith, or to help Spike, or even Angel's son. You're going out there first and foremost because Angel's going and you want to protect him. There's no talking sense into you. You won't take the side of the people that care about you...not when the option of taking Angel or Spike's side is there."
He walked over to the door and I saw the hurt on Buffy's face.
"I'm going off on my own, in the hummer. If I can't convince Faith to come back to us, then my work here is done. It'll be up to Giles to see if you get any Council help from there."
Then he was gone. I didn't know what to say and I didn't want Buffy to have to choose sides.
"It'll be different this time around, Buffy, because when we first fought them, they were one cohesive unit and there were a lot more of them. Spike, myself, Illyria and Gunn killed a lot of the demons and by now, they are probably disbanded, and not in packs, which will make then easier to take out..."
There was the cloud of Xander walking out, hanging over the room, and making the tension rich.
"I'm sorry that Xander's reaction was like that, Buffy. The next move out there will be up to you. What do you want to do?"
Either way, I knew now, that we were going out there.
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