Looking for some peace of mind...

[angelbuffy]

This was something that I needed. Last night I had done a lot of things, things that I weren’t particularly proud of, but also things that I wasn’t about to take back. I guess getting out of Wolfram and Hart was something that was needed from Willow, Xander, and me at the same time. It’s something else when it’s like you jump right back into

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[angelbuffy]

I gave Willow a hard look. I knew that she didn't like it here, and I should have known that she didn't want to be here. I wasn't so sure myself. All i knew was that I wanted, well needed to see Angel, and I also needed to get everything that went down to be straightened out. Last night was a night that I had needed for a long time, but it was also a night that took away the pain that was ultimately inevitable. The pain that I knew that Iwould have to face, when I jumped into the action with Angel head first.

Granted, I wasn't aware that it would get this out of hand, but I knew of the potential, and I still did it. So this was the point where I listened to my heart rather than my head. And look where it go me--where it got us.

We had stopped in the middle of the hallway, and it seemed that everyone else was moving at 10 speeds faster than we were, and still managing to make me extremely uncomfortable.

"Willow, go ahead back to the apartment. I know that you don't like it here. But I need to be here, and there are many reasons for that. I'm here to help Angel, and I'm no help when I'm lounging around. Besides, I need to get this whole thing with angle last night laid out on all sodes and fronts."

Even though I was still insecure about the whole thing, I understood that she wanted to go. She didn't make any commitments here, I did. and I was going to stick with them without bringing my friends down. Especially not Willow.

[yammerer_willow]

"If you think for a second I am leaving you here alone you...well you would be wrong." I couldn't think of anything better than that to say, but she was wrong if she thought I was leaving.

"And I should check on Giles anyway" I added. "You could come with me to check on him..." Ok I was trying to make things better...sue me. I was about to say something else when my phone rang. It was Xander...

"Hey Xand" I said cheerfully into the phone, that was until he told me what was going on. I stepped away from Buffy and talked to him for a minute and told him I would find out anything I could. It was when I returned to Buffy who looked like she was worried.

"Sorry, Xander and his girl problems." Ok so I had to try to hide it, I had to do what I could to keep the secret for Giles.

[angelbuffy]

For a second I though that maybe something was wrong when Willow walked away from me to talk to Xander. She acted at first like it was a surprise for him to be calling her, so in retaliation, I felt the same way. Well, until she came back smiling telling me that everything was alright.

Xander had called her before I had a chance to answer her question about Giles. I didn't want to talk to him right now. I really really didn't want to talk to him right now. It was weird. Here I was, the slayer, or one of the,, and I had fear of talking to Giles. I had a lot of fear from talking to Giles. I knew why too. Because I had no argument to back myself up. When Giles found out, sooner or later, I would just have to take what he said to me, because I didn't have anything valid to back up my actions. I wasn't looking forward to it...

Because I had already learned my lesson....but it didn't mean that I was going to keep following it. She was still staring at me, wondering what we were going to do. Damned if I knew. A part of me wanted to jump right back into work, but the other part of me wanted to talk to Angel. Now. Because I wanted to get it over with. I wanted to be where we were before we made that decision.

"Willow, I really have to find Angel."