familiar pang of fear strikes a chord in my chest again

[not_even_a_star]

It is amazing that all at once you can feel happiness, terror, and nauseating nervousness. I'm desperate to not take a negative approach, to let things go as they go, to not push, to not pull, to not beg, to not run. I'm good at running. Definately not physically, but emotionally, I can put up a wall faster than the time it takes to shut a door. I can block you out instantly, and I got extremely good at it.

but this time, i'm not going to do that, or atleast i'm going to hope upon all hope that I can keep myself from doing it. I dont want to sabotage it. I don't know where its going, or what is going to happen if anything. Theres only one thing I DO know actually...

i'm scared,
jess