argggguh
Writing this entry from a hotel lobby since i DEFINATELY have something to bitch about....
ok so my whole family loves Marc and is just fine with them...which is AWESOME..until i get to my nana's house without him and she says out of nowhere 'you know i dont approve of it'---im like what? so NOW all of a sudden my choices arent ok? i've spent my whole life trying to please everyone else and i dont understand what the problem is that i finally find someone who loves and cares about me that makes me happy...and now thats not ok...well fuck you nana...fuck you.
i dont care or know how long marc and i will be together, but hes my heart right now and hopefully for a long long time. I know people can be uncomfortable with things, but really, just accept them. is it that hard? i cant remember a time that i've been as near as happy as i am and have been for the past 4 months...and i deserve to be happy damnit. so yea...she told me that and i started crying and called mom...and the wonderful woman she is...told me to leave because if nana felt that way, and it was hurting me and making me uncomfortable, then there was no reason for me to stay. So i packed my car back up and got ready to leave for a hotel. I told nana i was leaving and started bawling again this time in front of her, and she just laid into me about how it was her house and she'd never do anything to hurt marc, but she doesnt believe that 'god wanted everyone to be one color because if he did, he wouldn't have made blacks and whites and it shouldnt mix' wtf is that?! and i said that she had no idea how hard it was for me to come to terms with the fact that regardless of what i always thought and that i thought i'd never date a black guy, he's who makes me happy and i deserve that and to be with him. and then she said that she doesnt approve of the fact that i bedded down with the first guy that paid me any attention...how the hell do you say that to your granddaughter?! i cant believe how much i hate her right now. i've done everything for everyone else my whole life...i wanna be happy for once and i deserve it and marc makes me happy...and fuck everyone else. so i'll be down in ft lauderdale a day early is all. im stuck in the lobby til about 7 tonight waiting for marc..and i cant wait til he gets here..and i get to spend the whole break with him and be happy and have a good christmas...more later if i get bored...or not if i get kicked out of the hotel before marc gets here.
ok so my whole family loves Marc and is just fine with them...which is AWESOME..until i get to my nana's house without him and she says out of nowhere 'you know i dont approve of it'---im like what? so NOW all of a sudden my choices arent ok? i've spent my whole life trying to please everyone else and i dont understand what the problem is that i finally find someone who loves and cares about me that makes me happy...and now thats not ok...well fuck you nana...fuck you.
i dont care or know how long marc and i will be together, but hes my heart right now and hopefully for a long long time. I know people can be uncomfortable with things, but really, just accept them. is it that hard? i cant remember a time that i've been as near as happy as i am and have been for the past 4 months...and i deserve to be happy damnit. so yea...she told me that and i started crying and called mom...and the wonderful woman she is...told me to leave because if nana felt that way, and it was hurting me and making me uncomfortable, then there was no reason for me to stay. So i packed my car back up and got ready to leave for a hotel. I told nana i was leaving and started bawling again this time in front of her, and she just laid into me about how it was her house and she'd never do anything to hurt marc, but she doesnt believe that 'god wanted everyone to be one color because if he did, he wouldn't have made blacks and whites and it shouldnt mix' wtf is that?! and i said that she had no idea how hard it was for me to come to terms with the fact that regardless of what i always thought and that i thought i'd never date a black guy, he's who makes me happy and i deserve that and to be with him. and then she said that she doesnt approve of the fact that i bedded down with the first guy that paid me any attention...how the hell do you say that to your granddaughter?! i cant believe how much i hate her right now. i've done everything for everyone else my whole life...i wanna be happy for once and i deserve it and marc makes me happy...and fuck everyone else. so i'll be down in ft lauderdale a day early is all. im stuck in the lobby til about 7 tonight waiting for marc..and i cant wait til he gets here..and i get to spend the whole break with him and be happy and have a good christmas...more later if i get bored...or not if i get kicked out of the hotel before marc gets here.