Is this what dopamine feels like?!
Back when he first suggested 
captainraz and I talk to someone about ADHD,
hardlyaverage was like "Imagine what you could do with four hours of being able to concentrate!"
"We would take over the world by lunch time," I said, and honestly right now I think we probably could. I've been on 10mg of Equasym since Monday, and I've spent most of this week going "Is this what people without mental health issues feel like ALL THE TIME?!"
Like, I cleaned my house yesterday. Not in a anxiety-fuelled "Oh god this is disgusting and I must deal with it while having a breakdown!" way, even! It was very much a "I need to assemble this coat rack so that I can hang up all the coats on the shoe rack and throw away the shoes with holes in. Oh, turns out there's a bunch of crap under the shoe rack, I'd better sweep that up. Oh hey, while I've got the broom out, I should probably deal with this massive pile of stuff that's been sitting over here for years!" and just spiralled out from there! Like, my house isn't perfect, but it's probably closer than it's been since we moved in! And I think it's a level of tidy that can be maintained by household where two-thirds of the people living in it have executive function issues!
And I've been reading short stories again.
And I've written a bunch of reviews.
And I've actually started writing stories again.
And I've baked a cake.
It just - it feels like magic. I know objectively that it's NOT magic, it's my brain getting dopamine and going "WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS AND WHERE CAN WE GET MORE OF IT?!" But it feels like magic. I'm still distractable! I still start one task and realise I've spent half an hour doing a different task that I straight up didn't notice I'd switched to! I still lose things ten seconds after putting them down! It has not magically solved all of my issues! But it feels like there's a point to finishing things now and it's fantastic?
At some point it's going to wear off and this is just going to be normal and boring, but I cannot tell you how excited I am for "living in a clean house" and "finishing things" to become boring.
captainraz and I talk to someone about ADHD,
hardlyaverage was like "Imagine what you could do with four hours of being able to concentrate!"
"We would take over the world by lunch time," I said, and honestly right now I think we probably could. I've been on 10mg of Equasym since Monday, and I've spent most of this week going "Is this what people without mental health issues feel like ALL THE TIME?!"
Like, I cleaned my house yesterday. Not in a anxiety-fuelled "Oh god this is disgusting and I must deal with it while having a breakdown!" way, even! It was very much a "I need to assemble this coat rack so that I can hang up all the coats on the shoe rack and throw away the shoes with holes in. Oh, turns out there's a bunch of crap under the shoe rack, I'd better sweep that up. Oh hey, while I've got the broom out, I should probably deal with this massive pile of stuff that's been sitting over here for years!" and just spiralled out from there! Like, my house isn't perfect, but it's probably closer than it's been since we moved in! And I think it's a level of tidy that can be maintained by household where two-thirds of the people living in it have executive function issues!
And I've been reading short stories again.
And I've written a bunch of reviews.
And I've actually started writing stories again.
And I've baked a cake.
It just - it feels like magic. I know objectively that it's NOT magic, it's my brain getting dopamine and going "WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS AND WHERE CAN WE GET MORE OF IT?!" But it feels like magic. I'm still distractable! I still start one task and realise I've spent half an hour doing a different task that I straight up didn't notice I'd switched to! I still lose things ten seconds after putting them down! It has not magically solved all of my issues! But it feels like there's a point to finishing things now and it's fantastic?
At some point it's going to wear off and this is just going to be normal and boring, but I cannot tell you how excited I am for "living in a clean house" and "finishing things" to become boring.