Reaction Shot: Fate/KLPI Oath Under Snow (Or, it's ranting about the male gaze time)!

[not_cynical]

Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya should really be my thing. I like to imagine that it got made because someone in the office accidentally sent in their Fate/Card Captor Sakura fusion AU instead of their work, and management went "!!!!!" It should be my thing! I like magical girls capturing cards! I like the Fate mash-up of mythologies and Pokémon battles! I like yelling at my ships and the steady inexorable knowledge that this is basically a slasher movie in terms of survival odds! I should be the target audience for this show!

... Except that someone went "Fuck, how can we get straight dudes to watch this show?" and the answer was "I dunno, ramp up the male gaze and put in a ludicrous amount of fanservice, that should get 'em."

Motherfuckers.

(I actually asked Lex "Was it really that bad? I know it was bad enough that I stopped watching like three episodes in, but was it that bad?" And even Lex was like "Oh yeah." And my tolerance for fanservice was a lot higher back when Lex was watching Kaleid Liner. Apparently it got better after I stopped watching, but it also got a hell of a lot worse.)

ANYWAY, yes, it has Illya as an adorable happy magical girl trying to catch the cards of heroic spirits that Rin and her rival let loose; Illya's rival/best friend is a magical girl called Miyu who is VERY SERIOUS. Like, full-on "There is an entire episode revolving around how she can't use magic to fly because she understands too much physics to suspend her disbelief." That part is REALLY CUTE. And they made a movie that's entirely just Miyu's backstory and pretty much no fanservice! EXCELLENT.

Disclaimer: there are spoilers for both the show, the main Fate universe (Mainly Zero, Stay/Night and Unlimited Bladeworks), and the movie here! I'm not sure how much of Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya you need to have seen for the movie to make sense - I've only seen three episodes, but also Lex has seen all of it so whenever I was like "Wait, no, what was that about?" Lex was there to explain what the hell. So... Fair warning, I guess! The important thing to know is that this branch of the Fate multiverse revolves around the heroic spirits being embodied through cards.

• I genuinely, legitimately, thought that when Lex was talking about this film he was saying "Oh Thunder Snow."
• So the basic plot is that there's an entire family line that gives birth to children who have phenomenal cosmic powers until they turn like, seven and stop being able to grant wishes. (Are they mini slightly-less-evil holy grails with a power like that? WHO COULD SAY.) After that, they're normal people! But Kiritsugu is like "Yup, wishes, bring me phenominal cosmic power."
• No matter what, and no matter what universe he’s in, Shirou wants to be a hero of justice! BLESS HIS TINY LITTLE TRAUMATISED HEART. HE SEES SO MUCH SHIT AND STILL WANTS TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR PEOPLE.
• Shiro: What's wrong?
  Film: *giant evil magical tornado in the centre of town!*
  Lex: I don't know, Shiro, why don't you look at that and tell me what's wrong?
• Miyu is super cute and ominous in her introduction.
• Okay, but how did Kiritsugu end up with Shirou when the Fuyuki disaster hadn't happened yet? Like I'm not surprised that he's kidnapping children, just how did that happen?
• Kiritsugu: full crazy eyes as he describes how he's going to use a five year old girl to save the world.
• Bless Shiro, he just needs to have a family. Even if he has to build it himself.
• Oh, okay, it wasn't the grail war, it was just A RANDOM DISASTER that killed his parents, sure.
• *short break to watch Today's Menu in the Emiya Family*
• I think the montage of Shirou and Miyu learning how to be people together is actually really cute.
• SHE'S A PERSON NOT AN IT, KIRITSUGU
• I tried to convince Lex that this Kiritsugu is the worst one across multiple continuities, but I don't think he's going for it. His argument is that this Kiritsugu is exactly the same as the one at the start of Fate/Zero and my argument is that if you think Irisviel wasn’t enforcing him chilling out even a little, we did not watch the same show.
• I swear I thought Julian was just the prettier version of whassiface who's Shiro's friend in main continuity, the one who lives in the temple. But from the sound of this, Fuyuki's a ghost town now? I have it in my head that there’s maybe fifty families there now, but I could be wrong.
• Bless Miyu, she's not had a lot of chances for fun has she? Especially because I don’t think Shirou actually understands fun, on a fundamental level.
• I don't understand why he can't tell people he has a sister. Is it so she won't be taken away? But he's still a minor without a guardian, so surely if anyone was going to be taken away, it would be him already?
• ... Was one of the costumes in the shop the holy grail from Carnival Phantasm>!?
• My weakness: stoic characters who secretly like cute fluffy things.
• This really goes hard into Kiritsugu's philosophy.
• Shirou: Maybe her powers have worn off!
  Miyu: *activates powers*
• (You already ARE real brother and sister, bless your heart.)
• Have you seriously not let this child out of the house in actual years? Did she seriously go from one prison-house to another? She just wants to go and see the ocean!
• ... So did they close the primary school because there weren't any children?!
• On the plus side, at least there's one universe where Shirou is not friends with FUCKING SHINJI.
• I love how in every universe, Shirou fakes his happiness constantly, consistently, because he is a giant walking bag of issues, and he is literally the only person in the world who doesn't know.
• Julian: *HATES SHIROU REALLY LOUDLY*
  Shirou: Great, I'll bring you lunch tomorrow! ♥
• So Rin isn't in this universe? That's really weird!
• CUTE HAPPY FAMILY EXPLORING THE WORLD TOGETHER, this is really cute! Which obviously means that it's going to go terribly!
• Shirou just casually takes a kid to their family's graves with no warning or explanation because he is THE WORST AT THIS.
• Miyu: *tries to give the most positive explanation for Kiritsugu and Shirou kidnapping her*
  Shirou: WELL YOU'D LIKE TO THINK THAT.
• (Seriously, I don’t understand people who don’t start their explanation with the point, which is usually "I love you and don't want you to leave, but also you need to know this fucking idiotic thing I did.")


• Shirou: *tries to explain*
  Julian: THAT'S BORING!
• ... Is he turning a tape-measure into a sword?
• Okay, opening holes in the world is just cool.
• How do you grab someone so hard that their head starts bleeding.
• Shirou, who is not very bright: It's like... You were the cause of that shadow!
  Julian: *EYES GLOW RED* I WAS.
• Oh nooooooooooooooooo it's Kotomine, run!
• DO NOT TRUST HIM SHIROU, HIS HELP IS TERRIBLE.
• "Dad?" OH GOD I JUST REMEMBERED THAT KOTOMINE AND KIRITSUGU DID KNOW EACH OTHER AND MY HORRIBLE FEAR THAT FATE/APOCRYPHA WAS A SHIROU RAISED BY KOTOMINE.
• "I'm a priest that is responsible for witnessing the end of this world." Cool motive, still nope!
• Of course Kotomine knows about Miyu. OF COURSE.
• Right, so the Ainsworth family are behind everything, but their only magic is displacement. GOT IT.
• ... Wait, are these the same people as in Fate/Grand Order? They want to preserve the future, regardless of the method, so...?
• Oh, so that WAS a grail war, it was just that Kiritsugu wasn't involved (presumably because he'd never met the Einzberns?). I think I got it.
• It's literally "Here is the belief system you were taught, espoused by someone who is explicitly planning to hurt someone you love. Do you still believe it?" and Shirou just cracks wide open.
• But yeah, Shirou's explicitly faking everything in every universe, and here is him admitting it and choosing to try to become real, whereas in Unlimited Bladeworks, he goes harder into becoming a fake.
• I love Sakura's outfit, her coat is so cute..
• It's really weird to think that this is a universe where Sakura and Taiga aren't around Shirou's house every night, because he never allowed them in.
• Sakura, who actually understands the plot: *says goodbye because she understands that they're never going to see each other again*
  Shiro: You hid this from me!
  Me: YOU HID AN ENTIRE SISTER FROM HER!
• Sakura had the opportunity to summon Gilgamesh and gave it to Shirou instead! Because she loves him! Even though she'd much rather he just RUN AWAY instead!
• What is it with people interrupting important declarations?
• FUCK YOU SHINJI. FUCK YOU IN THE FACE.
• He doesn't have a lot of brain, that's why being able to summon things has crushed what little he had.
• (Seriously, he's drawn like Fate/Zero's Caster and he's mortally offended that someone would BLOCK his ATTACK instead of just dying like he told them! I HATE HIM IN EVERY UNIVERSE.)
• Shinji, don't you fucking talk to me about ideals. You don't have any.
• SAKURA IS SO BADASS OKAY, SHE IS SO COOL AND SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS TRASH.
• Shirou and Sakura love each other and just want each other to run away and it doesn't happen!
• I'M SO MAD THAT THE FILM UNDERCUTS SAKURA BEING A BADASS, OKAY, SHE DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN SHE GETS IN EVERY UNIVERSE.
• The way that Sakura's death was done is pretty cool, but FUCK OFF SHINJI YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID.
• Like, Shinji finds murder orgasmic, just throw the whole character away.
• "My ideal is dying in darkness."
• EMIYA MODE SHIROU IS SO COOL THOUGH HE LOOKS LIKE A FINAL FANTASY CHARACTER AND I LOVE HIM.
• HE BECAME HIS OWN HEROIC SPIRIT OKAY.
• LIKE EVEN HIS VOICE CHANGES AND I'M JUST VERY HERE FOR IT.
• "WHY DOES ASSASSIN HAVE TENTACLES?!" I wail, and Lex just starts laughing at me.


• This is probably my favourite version of Shirou? Like, this is a Shirou whose sanity crack'd from side to side, because he had to confront both his own ideology and his mentor's, and he blinks.
  
  Kiritsugu's ideology is very much "Sacrifice the few to save the many," both here and in Fate/Zero; unlike in Fate/Zero though, he never has the realisation that this doesn't work. (Fate/Zero Kiritsugu almost switches to the opposite, in fact, and goes full "He who saves a single life, saves the world entire.") So until his death, he thinks that Miyu's life is a fair sacrifice for the entire world! Which is a stark contrast to Shirou's ideology in every universe he appears in, which is to save everyone. He wants to be a hero of justice! Heroes of justice save everyone! And this universe says no.
  
  ... And bless his heart, he tries to save what he can anyway.
• What I didn't realise when Sakura said "My brother died a long time ago" was that she wasn't speaking metaphorically.
• Lex: Meanwhile, on rainbow road!
• Me: Who is the middle-aged dude?
  Lex: He's a disguise that Julian wears in the show.
  Me, blankly: Oh.
• Julian: The conclusion is already set.
  Mike: The conclusion is already set, because this is a prequel!
• I don't think displacement means what you think it means.
• Man, I wish that we'd been able to watch a whole series with all these fights, because they're REALLY COOL.
• I find it very strange that Julian watches Miyu in bed to tell her she looks like inorganic matter.
• WHY IS FUCKING CHUCKLEFUCK MCEXPLODED TOWER HERE AND WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT EMIYA. WHY DID SHIROU STAB A SWORD WITH ANOTHER SWORD. WHY DOES SHIROU KNOW ABOUT COUNTER GUARDIANS, THE ALT+F4 OF THE UNIVERSE?!
• I think the Saber in this fight might be Lancelot? And there's Medea and Medusa, but apart from that I have NO CLUE.
• But seriously, this is the timeline where Shirou just murders everyone he goes against without hesitation to get to his goal, and it's REALLY WEIRD TO SEE. I know that everyone he fights is a ghost in a doll (For... Reasons... Because I don't think that's what displacement means, but I guess if Julian doesn't have a ready supply of Masters for this war, he needs to make his own?)
• Shirou showing sympathy to Julian really ground his gears, wow. Also Julian is going hard into the "Well we've gone this far."
• Like, the ghost of Shirou's father figure LITERALLY WALKS AWAY FROM HIM when he says he's using a different path. This show is not subtle in its metaphors.
• All the Sakatsuki family wish for with their godlike wish-granting children? That their children grow up healthy. THAT'S SO NICE. SO SUSPICIOUSLY NICE FOR A FATE UNIVERSE.
• Is that fabric cross a dress? Because if it is, I am grumpy about it.
• So Shirou wishes that she escapes to a happier universe, right?
  Me: So they sent her to the Kalied Liner Prisma Ilya universe, where someone LITERALLY GETS THEIR HEART RIPPED OUT OF THEIR TORSO.
  Mike: But is SHE okay?
  Lex: She's fine until people from THIS universe show up!
  Mike: Well, it was a wish on the holy grail, it was obviously going to go wrong.
• "My little sister is working hard right now."
• OKAY BUT I AM EXTREMELY INVESTED IN SHIROU BECOMING HERO EMIYA, BECAUSE THAT IS JUST FUCKING CHEATING WHETHER YOU'RE COMING OR GOING.
• "What you're facing is a true imitation of a Heroic Spirit!"


• Gilgamesh is very much "Go big or go home" and Shirou is very much "learns best under pressure."
• I find it kinda cool that his entire self is transforming by inches into Heroic Spirit Emiya. (I thought it was scarring, but apparently no.)
• I actually really like his new chant, okay. Especially because he considers every sword in his reality marble to be a tombstone (which is my headcanon for Gilgamesh in FFXV actually.)
• Why IS Gilgamesh made of boobs, okay.
• Me: So, wait, is Julian the only one who doesn't fuse with his card?
  Lex: His powers work sort of like Shakespeare's, in that he's not allowed to be a main character.
  
  This... Makes more sense than I expected from a Fate show. (And then it turned out that Lex and I were ABSOLUTELY talking at cross-purposes, because I thought Gilgamesh was Julian's summon, and just took a separate body from him, and Lex spent a while looking at me blankly like this should have been obvious somehow.)
• WHAT. WHY ARE THERE GIANT SWORDS A MILE LONG. WHAT.
• "I'll have to pay you back with all the swords I have in stock."
  
  THAT IS
  
  SO MANY
  
  THAT IS "WE'LL FIGHT IN THE SHADE" LEVELS OF SWORDS.
• Ah, I see, he wasn't fighting to win, he was fighting to stall, and the moon was a timer! Ohhhhhh.
• And then he was definitely dead forever and never got to take his sister to the ocean, because people definitely die when they are killed.
• Miyu. Sweetie. Road safety was supposed to be on the list of things you learned. COME ON.
• But she's excellent at negotiating, I appreciate that.
• "You'll make friends in no time," he says to a girl whose spoken to maybe three people in her entire life. BLESS HIS HEART.
• But yes, this seems like a reasonable explanation of How Miyu Became Miyu, and it was fun considering I didn't know any of the main continuity, I'm just really salty that if I try to watch the main series to find out what happened after this it's going to make me angry again.