.Zero.
Nothing left. There's nothing left but painful emptiness.
Nothing left inside, nothing left of me but a shadow of someone I once was.
Right, people change. I've changed as well. Into nothing.
This very word is pounding in my head, heavily and persistently, like a hammer.
This word is throbbing in my temples, accompanying every heart-beat, every pulse-wave.
This word is flowing through the finest vessels, like poison mixed with the blood.
Nothing.
That's the word, that's the word.
It's what my life has become, it's what I have become, it's what everything around me has turned to.
... has turned into ashes. No, not even ashes. Nothing. Emptiness.
It feels like something she has sucked all the life out of my arteries and veins, replacing the blood by nothing. It feels like something she (it?) has sucked all the life out of me, leaving just a shell, full of nothing. A shell, a shadow - and nothing else. Nothing more than that.
It feels like it'll never be different anymore, like I'll never feel something inside, like I'll never find all that I've lost. Never find anything it's taken away from me, stolen from me.
Parents? I see them ten minutes a day - enough said. University? I simply spend my time there, I'm not enthusiastic anymore, I just couldn't care less. I haven't read anything for my classes since the very beginning. Friends? I hadn't walked the streets of my city for a month, a month - unbelievable, before Dima miraculously managed to drag me out of my cell room. Guys? Ha, it's not even funny anymore.
I'm interested in nothing. I want nothing. I feel almost nothing. I have no goals. I have no plans. I have no life.
I have nothing inside. I feel empty. I've never felt so lost, desperate and lonely. Never. I'm driven to the point where everything seems to be too ruined to be restored.
I have no strength and no motivation to restore anything.
I want to close my eyes. Go to sleep. And disappear, as if I've never existed at all.
I wish I've never existed, I see no point in it, I see no point in anything.
It's sucked the life out of me. It's stolen my self-confidence, at first. Then it's stolen such unnecessary stuff as 'flirt', 'guys' and all that comes with it. It's stolen health, mostly - mental; many friends, enthusiasm in studying. And now it's stolen everything I've ever had. I haven't seen my best friends for ages, for more than a month and it's crazy, it's something I refuse to believe.
I haven't been interested in anything for a long time. I haven't enjoyed anything for a long time, not even my summer-vacations.
I'm living in vacuum.
And, what's worse, there's vacuum inside.
There's nothing around and nothing inside.
I feel so empty that it hurts.
I feel so empty that it makes me wanna scream at the top of my lungs, scream till I lose my voice. It wouldn't be a 'cry for help', it would be a cry of frustration and despair, for I don't WANT to do anything, I don't WANT to be helped, being too exhausted, too worn out. I don't want to do anything anymore, I'm too tired.
I want to close my eyes.
I want to have never been born.
Never thought emptiness could hurt so much.
So much.