Genie in a Bottle
OOC: So very meta.
There once was a fictional doctor named Jack Shephard. His canon had not been kind to him. He had a family who didn't love him and a marriage which ended with his wife cheating on him. Boo hoo hoo. Then while trying to recover the dead body of his drunk father, his plane crashes on Craphole Island. There he is always blamed for everything that goes wrong, doesn't get to sleep, deals with batshit crazy people, and has his appendix rupture. The very worst part is that his canon forces him to interact with the worst Mary Sue in the history of the universe. It's just like she stepped out of a bad fanfiction novel and Jack doesn't want to think about it. Real people can't be this dumb, and if he knew who Damon Lindelof was, he would send an army of ninjas to rip his head off for advocating such an atrocity to an otherwise brilliant show, even though it meant that his existence could be described in no other word but "crappy".
Then one day in October, Jack found a genie in a bottle. He knew how improbable this was, but hell, he's already seen smoke monsters and polar bears, how is this any different?
He rubbed the lamp and out came a beautiful female genie with long dark hair, clad in a Ben Folds t-shirt and very stylish bootcut jeans. "I am the great and powerful Oz!" she exclaimed. Jack only rolled his eyes. He may be fictional with a limited amount of pop culture knowledge, but even he knew that she wasn't speaking the truth.
"Alright, you got me," the genie said with a shrug. "I'm actually just known as the Mun, but I am powerful and can control you with my magic keyboard! I hearby grant you three wishes!"
The first thing that came out of Jack's mouth was "No more Mary Sues! Especially canon ones!" The Mun easily granted this, and it was good.
Next he wished to have a greater number of friends. With the help of some wonderful other genies that the Mun knew, this was also granted.
Finally he wished to not be so emo. The Mun winced.
She's still working on that.
There once was a fictional doctor named Jack Shephard. His canon had not been kind to him. He had a family who didn't love him and a marriage which ended with his wife cheating on him. Boo hoo hoo. Then while trying to recover the dead body of his drunk father, his plane crashes on Craphole Island. There he is always blamed for everything that goes wrong, doesn't get to sleep, deals with batshit crazy people, and has his appendix rupture. The very worst part is that his canon forces him to interact with the worst Mary Sue in the history of the universe. It's just like she stepped out of a bad fanfiction novel and Jack doesn't want to think about it. Real people can't be this dumb, and if he knew who Damon Lindelof was, he would send an army of ninjas to rip his head off for advocating such an atrocity to an otherwise brilliant show, even though it meant that his existence could be described in no other word but "crappy".
Then one day in October, Jack found a genie in a bottle. He knew how improbable this was, but hell, he's already seen smoke monsters and polar bears, how is this any different?
He rubbed the lamp and out came a beautiful female genie with long dark hair, clad in a Ben Folds t-shirt and very stylish bootcut jeans. "I am the great and powerful Oz!" she exclaimed. Jack only rolled his eyes. He may be fictional with a limited amount of pop culture knowledge, but even he knew that she wasn't speaking the truth.
"Alright, you got me," the genie said with a shrug. "I'm actually just known as the Mun, but I am powerful and can control you with my magic keyboard! I hearby grant you three wishes!"
The first thing that came out of Jack's mouth was "No more Mary Sues! Especially canon ones!" The Mun easily granted this, and it was good.
Next he wished to have a greater number of friends. With the help of some wonderful other genies that the Mun knew, this was also granted.
Finally he wished to not be so emo. The Mun winced.
She's still working on that.