Dog With a Blog Premiere Mini-recap
I decided rather than do a review of Dog With a Blog I would instead do a mini-recap. I promise it won't be seven pages long.
SPOILERS, obviously.
Modest southern California home: Tyler (Blake Michael) is trying to make time with time with his cheerleader girlfriend under the pretense of “studying.” He more or less admits this when he reminds her the test was yesterday.
Stan, the dog (Stephen Full, Ash from “I'm With the Band”) introduces us to Tyler via narration. He emphasizes Tyler's appeal to the ladies. The first screen capture wasn't flattering so he tries again. Boy, Disney sure is being candid about how it exploits it's male stars' looks these days. At least they didn't cast a former male dancer for the part.
The little stepsister (G Hannelius) stomps down the stairs complaining that she has the den reserved. The scene is paused briefly so Stan can introduce Avery. He explains that she's a bit of a control freak.
The drama resumes as Avery accuses Tyler of wearing a wig and then tugging at his generous locks; because she can. Tyler exposits that he's been a resident the longest and she and her mom moved in recently. Avery knows to the very second how long her stay has been. Tyler gets annoyed and complains that math is both hard and unimportant. Clueless chick is still clueless about the whole “test” thing.
Avery mocks them both and tells Tyler the room is her's on Tuesday. Tyler objects because he invited the cheerleader squad over Tuesday for him to film under the pretense that the movie is for a pitch to Disney and not his private stash. And is it just me or does it seem sexist that the cheerleader squad is all girls?
Avery counters that she is hosting the Student Tolerance Club that day to plan a rally for some pathetic loser. It's called leading by example. She mentions that she hasn't had a group over since the day she moved in with Tyler and his dad and claims it was the day her life was ruined.
Tyler says it's not been peaches and cream for him either. He complains that he's had to up his fiber intake to comply with the schedule she imposed for potty time.
The parents arrive just in time to see their kids arguing. Hey! It's Trip's mom from “I'm with the Band.” She tells him that the passive approach isn't working. Dad, who is that guy from the Geico taste test commercials and in this show an aspiring psychologist refers her to one of his many books on parenting.
A screaming six year old redhead enters and Stan narrates that the little girl is Chloe. The girl tells her dad that there is a monster chasing her. He pulls her aside and goes all Dr. Jeckyl on her. Chloe runs away screaming and dad (Bennett James) congratulates himself for getting rid of her. One down, two to go.
Later, dad calls the kids into the den to meet “Stan” their new dog. Stan takes a moment to mug for the camera.
Avery thanks her step dad for getting the dog as mom would not let her have one. Mom objects and offers that she prefers cats. Stan narrates that he's not a big fan of “Ellen” either. It also seems that dad didn't get her input on the new pet. Bennett reminds her about chapter 9 of his book, which she never bothered to read because he's obviously no expert at child rearing.
He proceeds with the second part of his plan by warning the kids that they will have to share responsibility for Stan or else he goes back to the shelter. Stan remarks via narration that he's not a big fan of Bennett either.
Tyler decides to play fetch with Stan but it's Chloe who chases the ball. Avery warns them not to let her sister near traffic.
It is revealed that all this is content for Stan's blog. He is about to share how the kids found out he could talk, but decides to wait until after he reviews his new chew toy.
Modest southern California home, the next day: Ellen enters the kitchen to find Stan sitting at the table in front of an empty plate. As she is about to curse out the dog for eating her sandwich Avery enters. She asks if there is a problem. Ellen admits that the dog and her don't see eye-to-eye. She says that Stan ate her sandwich and took five dollars out of her purse. Soon they'll all be murdered in their beds I suppose.
Ellen leaves and Avery pets Stan affectionately. Avery expresses her concern about having the meeting while Tyler is trying to shoot a porno in the den with the female cheerleaders. Stan is only concerned about whether or not he's going to be fed soon as the turkey sandwich didn't hit the spot.
Avery prepares Stan's food with more care than a master chef, making Stan all the more impatient. Avery, still concerned about her Student Tolerance Club remarks that she dare not cancel the meeting at the last minute. In spite of the club's mission it's members are remarkably judgmental.
Stan considers asking her to feed him already but remembers that revealing his ability to speak often ends badly, like in the case of a former owner who had to be committed because he thought his dog was speaking to him.
Avery cuddles Stan and tells him he's the only one she can talk to. Stan is still thinking about getting his food.
Tyler bops in carrying his skateboard and offers Avery a solution to the schedule conflict: Shut up and let me make my porn video. Avery shows him up by letting him help himself to the dog food she is preparing for Stan. She adds bacon flavor spray (is that a real thing?) to cover up Tyler's stank before she offers the food to Stan. Stan is salivating like a, well, you know.
Instead of feeding Stan she argues with Tyler about who gets to use the house.
Finally out of desperation Stan speaks up.
Avery and Tyler look at him with amazement. “Did he just talk?” asks Avery. “Uh, no” replies Stan. “I mean… woof?” Tyler insists that Stan spoke but Stan tries to deny it.
The two stare at Stan with amazement for an hour.
Finally Avery asks how it can be that a dog can speak. Stan offers that he's just unique.
He breaks off to go bark at the delivery man and then returns to the kitchen.
When he returns he explains that he wanted to keep his speaking ability a secret so they don't try to dissect him like a previous owner tried to do.
Avery and Tyler promise that would never happen because Avery loves him and Tyler fainted when he had to dissect a frog for biology class. Avery warns him not to reveal his secret to the parents as mom would have a mental breakdown and dad would have material for another book. And the last thing the world needs his another book from that quack.
Stan suggests they all help themselves to bacon seasoned dog food when Chloe enters the kitchen. Avery tries to convince her the she is sleepwalking. When it seems to work Stan remarks that he's can't believe it worked. Chloe runs screaming from the kitchen that Stan can talk.
Avery and Tyler watch anxiously from the kitchen as Chloe reports what she saw and heard. Ellen thinks that Chloe is imagining things but dad tells her to go upstairs and meet her new pony. As Chloe runs upstairs he explains that he is teaching her why it is wrong to lie. Or that she has a dick for a father.
Upstairs in Avery's room Stan remarks that they had a lucky break since Chloe is forty-two and too young to be taken seriously. Tyler tells Stan that Chloe is actually six. Stan replies that math is both hard and unimportant.
Avery hugs Stan so hard he had to leave to go pee. He talks and he's housebroken! What an amazing dog! Tyler threatens to out Stan to mom and dad unless Avery let's him have the house all to himself and his naked cheerleaders. Avery tells him he's bluffing. Tyler says that fifteen cheerleaders are going to show up for his “movie” and he's not letting that opportunity go to waste.
Avery tries to bluff and says that she doesn't really care what happens to Stan. Stan overhears. When Tyler calls her bluff she taunts him about the time she convinced him that “Planet of the Apes” was a true story and insists this time she's not kidding. After Stan leaves Tyler admits he wouldn't out Stan to mom and dad. Avery admits that she cares about Stan and chases him out of the room by making ape noises.
Stan passes Chloe on his way out and tells her that her family sucks. Chloe remarks that talking animals are much more entertaining on TV than in real life.
Dimly lit street: Stan narrates that while he was out feeling sorry for himself he was distracted by a passing car which he chased until he got himself lost.
Meanwhile, back at the Spanish-style house, Chloe informs Avery and Tyler that Stan ran away. At first they blame each other and then Avery starts crying. Tyler assures her that they will find Stan with dad's help. She reminds them that if dad finds out he won't let them keep Stan. Tyler concludes that they will have to find another dog that looks like Stan and teach it to talk. Folks, I think we've just found the new generation's Joey Lawrence. Avery tells him they will have to find Stan themselves.
To the Pasadena Animal Shelter!
At the shelter an androgynous guy who goes by the name “Glenn” is not being very helpful. He wants $500 to pay the cost Stan did when he tried to adopt some poodles. Avery asks if she can leave his chew toy and bacon spray for him. Glenn is still unhelpful.
Tyler decides to sneak into the kennel while Glenn's back is turned. Avery is not much of a rule-breaker so she is unwilling to go along at first. Tyler tells her it's her choice and enters the kennel. Avery eventually decides to go in after him.
They find Stan in his own separate cage. While Avery is overjoyed Stan is less than thrilled to see them. Avery tells him she didn't mean what she said earlier but Stan isn't buying it. So she offers him a dog treat and all is forgiven.
Then Avery and Tyler remember that they never canceled their engagements before going out searching for Stan.
The homefront: It's nerds vs cheerleaders and mom and dad are in the middle. Bennett decides to do the only rational thing a parent can do in that situation; put on some NOT! C + C Music Factory and do a white boy dance. He eventually persuades Ellen to join him but contrary to what the music suggests not everybody is dancing now. Chloe flees the scene, as you do. Well, at least it wasn't Gangnam style.
Back at the animal shelter Tyler sends a tweet to the head cheerleader telling her, belatedly, that movie night is canceled. He gives his phone to Stan and gives him a number to call. Tyler asks Avery if she's okay with breaking more rules. She responds by ripping a bulletin board of a nearby wall and smashing it. Baby steps, Tyler cautions her.
Stan calls Glenn posing as his boss and orders him to release all the animals. Glenn, as is his wont, is unhelpful, but the call is just a distraction for Tyler to find the release button. He is eventually able to reach around Glenn's fat ass (heh) and flip the switch. Glenn tries to find some way to be unhelpful but Avery sprays him with bacon flavor. Soon half a dozen dogs are being unhelpful to Glenn.
Stan, Avery, and Tyler almost make a clean getaway. Almost. They are intercepted by their parents as they are about to leave the shelter. Enjoy your new home kids.
Bennett and Ellen tell Avery and Tyler how disappointed they are, particularly with Avery. When Tyler objects Bennett says that a haircut is the most he's hoping for from him. Don't touch the hair Disney or some bitches will have to die.
He threatens to take Stan away and Ellen has printed some fliers in anticipation of Stan wearing out his welcome.
Tyler steps up and defends Avery and says he should take all the blame for what happened. Avery appreciates the gesture and gives him a hug. Overcome by Tyler's stank she warns him that a dab'll do ya with the AXE. This leads to a “spontaneous” group hug which Chloe magically appears in the middle of, as you do.
Don't forget Stan! He takes a running leap onto Bennett to show is gratitude for letting him stay. Ellen didn't appreciate having her face licked but then again it's the thought that counts.
Stan concludes his blog entry with a picture of his new family and with a wish that all pets might have as loving a family as he. Then he surfs for doggie porn, as you do.
Ellen walks by on her way to the kitchen for a late night snack and barely notices Stan at the computer. She then has a fridge moment (see TV Tropes) in a more than figurative sense. When she returns to the den Stan is pretending to be asleep and the computer is at a website for “hot poodles”. Ellen hollers to Bennett that they are not getting another dog.
The next morning the family is having a good time as Bennett videotapes Stan bark. Ellen declares that Stan can “talk” after all. Then Chloe rides in on her new pony. Stan is all, what I do?
End
See? Not seven pages long!
SPOILERS, obviously.
Modest southern California home: Tyler (Blake Michael) is trying to make time with time with his cheerleader girlfriend under the pretense of “studying.” He more or less admits this when he reminds her the test was yesterday.
Stan, the dog (Stephen Full, Ash from “I'm With the Band”) introduces us to Tyler via narration. He emphasizes Tyler's appeal to the ladies. The first screen capture wasn't flattering so he tries again. Boy, Disney sure is being candid about how it exploits it's male stars' looks these days. At least they didn't cast a former male dancer for the part.
The little stepsister (G Hannelius) stomps down the stairs complaining that she has the den reserved. The scene is paused briefly so Stan can introduce Avery. He explains that she's a bit of a control freak.
The drama resumes as Avery accuses Tyler of wearing a wig and then tugging at his generous locks; because she can. Tyler exposits that he's been a resident the longest and she and her mom moved in recently. Avery knows to the very second how long her stay has been. Tyler gets annoyed and complains that math is both hard and unimportant. Clueless chick is still clueless about the whole “test” thing.
Avery mocks them both and tells Tyler the room is her's on Tuesday. Tyler objects because he invited the cheerleader squad over Tuesday for him to film under the pretense that the movie is for a pitch to Disney and not his private stash. And is it just me or does it seem sexist that the cheerleader squad is all girls?
Avery counters that she is hosting the Student Tolerance Club that day to plan a rally for some pathetic loser. It's called leading by example. She mentions that she hasn't had a group over since the day she moved in with Tyler and his dad and claims it was the day her life was ruined.
Tyler says it's not been peaches and cream for him either. He complains that he's had to up his fiber intake to comply with the schedule she imposed for potty time.
The parents arrive just in time to see their kids arguing. Hey! It's Trip's mom from “I'm with the Band.” She tells him that the passive approach isn't working. Dad, who is that guy from the Geico taste test commercials and in this show an aspiring psychologist refers her to one of his many books on parenting.
A screaming six year old redhead enters and Stan narrates that the little girl is Chloe. The girl tells her dad that there is a monster chasing her. He pulls her aside and goes all Dr. Jeckyl on her. Chloe runs away screaming and dad (Bennett James) congratulates himself for getting rid of her. One down, two to go.
Later, dad calls the kids into the den to meet “Stan” their new dog. Stan takes a moment to mug for the camera.
Avery thanks her step dad for getting the dog as mom would not let her have one. Mom objects and offers that she prefers cats. Stan narrates that he's not a big fan of “Ellen” either. It also seems that dad didn't get her input on the new pet. Bennett reminds her about chapter 9 of his book, which she never bothered to read because he's obviously no expert at child rearing.
He proceeds with the second part of his plan by warning the kids that they will have to share responsibility for Stan or else he goes back to the shelter. Stan remarks via narration that he's not a big fan of Bennett either.
Tyler decides to play fetch with Stan but it's Chloe who chases the ball. Avery warns them not to let her sister near traffic.
It is revealed that all this is content for Stan's blog. He is about to share how the kids found out he could talk, but decides to wait until after he reviews his new chew toy.
Modest southern California home, the next day: Ellen enters the kitchen to find Stan sitting at the table in front of an empty plate. As she is about to curse out the dog for eating her sandwich Avery enters. She asks if there is a problem. Ellen admits that the dog and her don't see eye-to-eye. She says that Stan ate her sandwich and took five dollars out of her purse. Soon they'll all be murdered in their beds I suppose.
Ellen leaves and Avery pets Stan affectionately. Avery expresses her concern about having the meeting while Tyler is trying to shoot a porno in the den with the female cheerleaders. Stan is only concerned about whether or not he's going to be fed soon as the turkey sandwich didn't hit the spot.
Avery prepares Stan's food with more care than a master chef, making Stan all the more impatient. Avery, still concerned about her Student Tolerance Club remarks that she dare not cancel the meeting at the last minute. In spite of the club's mission it's members are remarkably judgmental.
Stan considers asking her to feed him already but remembers that revealing his ability to speak often ends badly, like in the case of a former owner who had to be committed because he thought his dog was speaking to him.
Avery cuddles Stan and tells him he's the only one she can talk to. Stan is still thinking about getting his food.
Tyler bops in carrying his skateboard and offers Avery a solution to the schedule conflict: Shut up and let me make my porn video. Avery shows him up by letting him help himself to the dog food she is preparing for Stan. She adds bacon flavor spray (is that a real thing?) to cover up Tyler's stank before she offers the food to Stan. Stan is salivating like a, well, you know.
Instead of feeding Stan she argues with Tyler about who gets to use the house.
Finally out of desperation Stan speaks up.
Avery and Tyler look at him with amazement. “Did he just talk?” asks Avery. “Uh, no” replies Stan. “I mean… woof?” Tyler insists that Stan spoke but Stan tries to deny it.
The two stare at Stan with amazement for an hour.
Finally Avery asks how it can be that a dog can speak. Stan offers that he's just unique.
He breaks off to go bark at the delivery man and then returns to the kitchen.
When he returns he explains that he wanted to keep his speaking ability a secret so they don't try to dissect him like a previous owner tried to do.
Avery and Tyler promise that would never happen because Avery loves him and Tyler fainted when he had to dissect a frog for biology class. Avery warns him not to reveal his secret to the parents as mom would have a mental breakdown and dad would have material for another book. And the last thing the world needs his another book from that quack.
Stan suggests they all help themselves to bacon seasoned dog food when Chloe enters the kitchen. Avery tries to convince her the she is sleepwalking. When it seems to work Stan remarks that he's can't believe it worked. Chloe runs screaming from the kitchen that Stan can talk.
Avery and Tyler watch anxiously from the kitchen as Chloe reports what she saw and heard. Ellen thinks that Chloe is imagining things but dad tells her to go upstairs and meet her new pony. As Chloe runs upstairs he explains that he is teaching her why it is wrong to lie. Or that she has a dick for a father.
Upstairs in Avery's room Stan remarks that they had a lucky break since Chloe is forty-two and too young to be taken seriously. Tyler tells Stan that Chloe is actually six. Stan replies that math is both hard and unimportant.
Avery hugs Stan so hard he had to leave to go pee. He talks and he's housebroken! What an amazing dog! Tyler threatens to out Stan to mom and dad unless Avery let's him have the house all to himself and his naked cheerleaders. Avery tells him he's bluffing. Tyler says that fifteen cheerleaders are going to show up for his “movie” and he's not letting that opportunity go to waste.
Avery tries to bluff and says that she doesn't really care what happens to Stan. Stan overhears. When Tyler calls her bluff she taunts him about the time she convinced him that “Planet of the Apes” was a true story and insists this time she's not kidding. After Stan leaves Tyler admits he wouldn't out Stan to mom and dad. Avery admits that she cares about Stan and chases him out of the room by making ape noises.
Stan passes Chloe on his way out and tells her that her family sucks. Chloe remarks that talking animals are much more entertaining on TV than in real life.
Dimly lit street: Stan narrates that while he was out feeling sorry for himself he was distracted by a passing car which he chased until he got himself lost.
Meanwhile, back at the Spanish-style house, Chloe informs Avery and Tyler that Stan ran away. At first they blame each other and then Avery starts crying. Tyler assures her that they will find Stan with dad's help. She reminds them that if dad finds out he won't let them keep Stan. Tyler concludes that they will have to find another dog that looks like Stan and teach it to talk. Folks, I think we've just found the new generation's Joey Lawrence. Avery tells him they will have to find Stan themselves.
To the Pasadena Animal Shelter!
At the shelter an androgynous guy who goes by the name “Glenn” is not being very helpful. He wants $500 to pay the cost Stan did when he tried to adopt some poodles. Avery asks if she can leave his chew toy and bacon spray for him. Glenn is still unhelpful.
Tyler decides to sneak into the kennel while Glenn's back is turned. Avery is not much of a rule-breaker so she is unwilling to go along at first. Tyler tells her it's her choice and enters the kennel. Avery eventually decides to go in after him.
They find Stan in his own separate cage. While Avery is overjoyed Stan is less than thrilled to see them. Avery tells him she didn't mean what she said earlier but Stan isn't buying it. So she offers him a dog treat and all is forgiven.
Then Avery and Tyler remember that they never canceled their engagements before going out searching for Stan.
The homefront: It's nerds vs cheerleaders and mom and dad are in the middle. Bennett decides to do the only rational thing a parent can do in that situation; put on some NOT! C + C Music Factory and do a white boy dance. He eventually persuades Ellen to join him but contrary to what the music suggests not everybody is dancing now. Chloe flees the scene, as you do. Well, at least it wasn't Gangnam style.
Back at the animal shelter Tyler sends a tweet to the head cheerleader telling her, belatedly, that movie night is canceled. He gives his phone to Stan and gives him a number to call. Tyler asks Avery if she's okay with breaking more rules. She responds by ripping a bulletin board of a nearby wall and smashing it. Baby steps, Tyler cautions her.
Stan calls Glenn posing as his boss and orders him to release all the animals. Glenn, as is his wont, is unhelpful, but the call is just a distraction for Tyler to find the release button. He is eventually able to reach around Glenn's fat ass (heh) and flip the switch. Glenn tries to find some way to be unhelpful but Avery sprays him with bacon flavor. Soon half a dozen dogs are being unhelpful to Glenn.
Stan, Avery, and Tyler almost make a clean getaway. Almost. They are intercepted by their parents as they are about to leave the shelter. Enjoy your new home kids.
Bennett and Ellen tell Avery and Tyler how disappointed they are, particularly with Avery. When Tyler objects Bennett says that a haircut is the most he's hoping for from him. Don't touch the hair Disney or some bitches will have to die.
He threatens to take Stan away and Ellen has printed some fliers in anticipation of Stan wearing out his welcome.
Tyler steps up and defends Avery and says he should take all the blame for what happened. Avery appreciates the gesture and gives him a hug. Overcome by Tyler's stank she warns him that a dab'll do ya with the AXE. This leads to a “spontaneous” group hug which Chloe magically appears in the middle of, as you do.
Don't forget Stan! He takes a running leap onto Bennett to show is gratitude for letting him stay. Ellen didn't appreciate having her face licked but then again it's the thought that counts.
Stan concludes his blog entry with a picture of his new family and with a wish that all pets might have as loving a family as he. Then he surfs for doggie porn, as you do.
Ellen walks by on her way to the kitchen for a late night snack and barely notices Stan at the computer. She then has a fridge moment (see TV Tropes) in a more than figurative sense. When she returns to the den Stan is pretending to be asleep and the computer is at a website for “hot poodles”. Ellen hollers to Bennett that they are not getting another dog.
The next morning the family is having a good time as Bennett videotapes Stan bark. Ellen declares that Stan can “talk” after all. Then Chloe rides in on her new pony. Stan is all, what I do?
End
See? Not seven pages long!