(no subject)
Every wonder what it would be like if you were never born? I know its not good to think it, but I was wondering.. Would people be the same as they are right now with you in their lives, or would they be different. I wonder if there would be any difference in the people I know if they had never met me.. I wonder if I have had any influence on others to be a certain way, or to change how they are... This is a weird thought.. not sure where it came from..
I've noticed lately that I can become bored very quickly. Now that I'm not in school and working, I get bored for easily. Its sad when I actually want to be in school. I never thought I would say that, but I am. maybe its not that, maybe I just want to be some where other then here.. Somewhere where I won't be bored so quickly.. I need action.. I need something to keep me busy.. hmph. I used to be excited to come on the computer.. but now I see to never want to, even though Im always on here... I have nothing else to do I guess.
Even working as a photographer makes me bored. Its so hard. It still is slow, so I get bored basicly as soon as I get there. We're always told to find something to do, but theres only soo many times that I can clean everything in the studio. Its such a waste of time. And we can't just stand there. The cashiers get mad cuz their not allowed to just stand there. Well what else are we suposed to do? I personally would gladly trade jobs. Being a cashier would make me busy. Therefore I would not get bored.
*sighs* I haven't felt this lifeless in a while.. Its weird. It seems that when I get bored, I get upset, and can only see bad things about myself.. Well, I mean, I've never really seen the good things.. maybe because I've always been the second child.. if that makes sence.. it does to me. bah. Some day I will be my own. I will show them that I am not like him.. that I can be myself. and that they don't have to obsess over me anymore.. I'm doing good though. I haven't been down a lot lately.. I've just not really cared about how crappy of a child I am, or how my life will never be of importance.. I'm just Josh's little sister. But someday, I will be Melanie. just Melanie, nothing else.. I hope to be atleast.
Bah, enough of this, Im going to bed.
I've noticed lately that I can become bored very quickly. Now that I'm not in school and working, I get bored for easily. Its sad when I actually want to be in school. I never thought I would say that, but I am. maybe its not that, maybe I just want to be some where other then here.. Somewhere where I won't be bored so quickly.. I need action.. I need something to keep me busy.. hmph. I used to be excited to come on the computer.. but now I see to never want to, even though Im always on here... I have nothing else to do I guess.
Even working as a photographer makes me bored. Its so hard. It still is slow, so I get bored basicly as soon as I get there. We're always told to find something to do, but theres only soo many times that I can clean everything in the studio. Its such a waste of time. And we can't just stand there. The cashiers get mad cuz their not allowed to just stand there. Well what else are we suposed to do? I personally would gladly trade jobs. Being a cashier would make me busy. Therefore I would not get bored.
*sighs* I haven't felt this lifeless in a while.. Its weird. It seems that when I get bored, I get upset, and can only see bad things about myself.. Well, I mean, I've never really seen the good things.. maybe because I've always been the second child.. if that makes sence.. it does to me. bah. Some day I will be my own. I will show them that I am not like him.. that I can be myself. and that they don't have to obsess over me anymore.. I'm doing good though. I haven't been down a lot lately.. I've just not really cared about how crappy of a child I am, or how my life will never be of importance.. I'm just Josh's little sister. But someday, I will be Melanie. just Melanie, nothing else.. I hope to be atleast.
Bah, enough of this, Im going to bed.