164 What are you waiting for?
164. What are you waiting for?
He's always waiting for something. It started in Ireland when he was a foolish young man with too much money, too much time, and a desire for something to break him from the routine of his life. The ale in the pub that night was the same as it was every night. He stumbled out and figured he would head back to his home and have another fight with his father about the way he spent his time and his family's money. Sometimes he dreamed of a life outside of Ireland. He pictured what it would be like to be able to do his art without having to hide it from his father. The struggling artist living out his dream. But it was a fantasy that Liam knew he wouldn't get a chance to make a reality. He was still waiting for something...something spectacular to blow the top off his head and shake things up for him.
He was waiting for her.
It started in an alley. She offered him a new life and he took it without second thought. Foolish young men with too much money and too much time on their hands are prone to be lead around by lust and desire. One look at the beautiful blonde and he knew he'd follow her just about anywhere she wanted to lead him. Liam just never pictured exactly how long their journey together would be, and where exactly she would lead him.
It's decades later and he's waiting for something to hold his attention again. Darla and Angelus have made quite the name for themselves together. She satisfies him in ways that he never imagined possible, yet he's still waiting for something. Some new game to play. Some new torture to implement. Something spectacular to blow the top off his head and shake things up for the two of them. Darla knows him well. She made him after all. He'll always be her dear boy. She knows long before Angelus what he's waiting for.
He was waiting for her.
The picture of innocence and a gift for visions, the moment that Darla pointed her out to him, Angelus was obsessed. Oh the things he would do to her to make her into something unique. If asked decades later if he intended to turn her when he first started tormenting her, Angel would shrug and say probably not. Angelus, well he isn't so sure that wasn't the plan all along. After all the beautiful girl with so much innocence played fun games, and with a gift like hers it seemed like a waste of both of their talents to just kill her. He'd transformed her into something twisted and dark, and then he gave her immortality so that she could share her lessons with the world.
He's not waiting for anything or so he would say. After all it's just another day in the sewers and he's grown accustomed to hunting for rats. When the Whistler shows up to give him an opportunity to shake things up for himself, Angel isn't so sure he wants to see. After all, this is the life he's lead for awhile now. He's used to this existence. However he is still that foolish boy with too much time on his hands even if he doesn't have too much money anymore. Never could resist a chance to see what is waiting just around the corner. Curiosity killed the cat...and created whatever the hell he was now. He didn't realize he'd been waiting for anything at all.
Until he saw her.
Teenage blonde with the beauty that reminded of an alley in Ireland, and with the innocence of a girl he once made cower and scream about snakes in a woodshed. Sucking on a lollipop as the sun beamed down on her, and she was the picture of hope and life and all those things that he had long since given up on. A slayer destined to go to the Hellmouth, and Angel had a chance to help her. In the end she ended up helping him. Did he remember to thank her for that when he disappeared into the shadows after her graduation?
It's his city, or so he tells himself, but moving to Los Angeles hasn't been the easy transformation he planned on. Something is missing, but he's not quite sure what. He's going through the motions and trying to do whatever it is that the powers want him to do. Doyle is there to assist him, but still there is something...he's waiting for. He's not sure what it is though until he goes to that party and sees a familiar face.
He was waiting for her.
She's his best friend. She was the one to hold all of them together as life and loss started to take it's toll and attempt to rip them apart. Angel has craved a family since back when he was Angelus. If people looked a little too closely at the people he surrounded himself with in Sunnydale and then later Los Angeles they may be able to compare and contrast to the family Angelus created with Darla. Cordelia made Los Angeles home, and it's by her side that it became his city really. It was with her, Connor, Gunn, Fred, Wesley, and Lorne that the hotel became a home. A real home.
He's restless again when she appears. The past never stays dead and buried. He doesn't believe what she is telling him is true. Not at first. How can he possibly be given this gift? Not when he's lead the life he's lead. Not when he's done the things he's done. Angel has been busy and focused and he doesn't believe he was waiting for anything or anyone at all. Not until he was on that roof and he saw the effect this child was having on Darla. He shared his soul with her. This child was the one good thing they did together. He got it. He did. He just didn't realize how much he had needed this change in his life. To have one person that would make him willing to do anything and everything to love and protect. The one good thing that he could look at and remember what the good fight was all about.
He'd been waiting for him.
And then he was gone. Angel swore if he got his son back that he would never lose him again. You'd think someone who lived as long as he had would realize you should never make promises like that. They never work out. Things happen, time takes it's toll, and he sees the boy that was his hope lose all of his own hope. He sees the boy who has her eyes lose the life in them, and he thinks to himself that he'll do anything to save this boy. He'll save the one good thing they did together. So he does what he does and he makes a deal with the devil. Because you will do whatever it takes to protect your children even if it means sacrificing the rest of your family and friends.
His son comes back only to leave again. He fights in an apocalypse and learns the harsh lesson that...sometimes you just can't win. He doesn't consider it a true loss though. He's escaped with what he could, and he shouldn't be surprised when he returns from his time with the monks to see those he thought were gone were back. The past never stays dead, not when Angel loves them and needs them at least.
He's going through the motions again. He's not sure what he's looking for really. Cordy, Wesley, Fred, Buffy, Faith, Darla, and Connor are all back and they seem to be alright. They're dealing with the things they have gone through and he sees the emotional scars are more visible than the physical ones. But he figures they could say the same about him. Things with his family and friends are a little awkward, but he's not sure he's really waiting for that to change. In fact, he's not sure he's waiting for anything anymore. That is until his life is suddenly turned upside down by someone who reminds him of so many people, yet is completely unique.
He was waiting for her.
She's a teenager and she is complicated. Sometimes he looks at her and he wants to scream what the hell do you want from me? Sometimes he wants nothing more than to protect her from the world. He's not able too though because life doesn't work that way. You can't protect the people you love, not even your children, and he hates it more than anything else. Of course he wonders if this is karma for all the children he tormented and killed because their parents couldn't protect them either. Hello Sarah and Daniel Holtz Junior, please join all of the other nameless faces that he dreams about, but you'll always be at the front of the line of the list of regrets. This bundle of energy with the fractured heart and list of quirks that run a mile long was exactly what Angel had been waiting for to pull him out of numb mode. She made him feel when he was pretty sure he had just stopped caring. His children, both of them, they made him realize that if he's got immortality then the least he can do is spend it living. And he settles into this life and it feels like something is still sort of missing as time passes by. He's not sure what he's waiting for, but it turns out that maybe it's not a person this time.
He's in a city that is too fucking cold. He's living in the house that is owned by someone he swore he would never owe a favor too. It's a real bitch to realize he actually misses the guy when he disappears. Not that he will ever admit it. He's watching his daughter slowly fall apart, and this city doesn't seem to be able to help her instead of hurt her. Not that he only blames the city of course. Fresh starts are what he and Darla are good at so once the decision is made to take Kara and move to Los Angeles, Angel feels immediately better. He realizes that what he's been waiting for all along was to reclaim his life, piece by piece, relationship by relationship, and to finally go back home to his hotel and start over one more time.
Now he just needs to talk to Cordelia to see if maybe she's ready to come back home too. The only person in Boston he'll miss is Alan. Hopefully his favorite lawyer will show his face in LA sometime.